Desired

10. Confused

In the office, Ethel and Roman stare at me as though they can see inside me and they're worried about what they've found.

They're not the only ones. I, myself, am worried about what's going on inside me.

Ethel clears her throat. 'I'm not sure what the rules were in your previous place, but I didn't think I needed to deem what is considered acceptable behaviour in our community. Any sort of aggression is not acceptable behaviour.'

Roman crosses his arms. 'Jed is rather shaken up by the whole experience this morning. You attacked him unprovoked...'

'He grabbed my arm,' I interrupt.

'He shouldn't have grabbed your arm, however, that in no way justifies a punch to the nose,' Roman says flatly.

Ethel raises her hands. I flinch backwards in case she attempts to touch me like everyone else seems to want to do. Ethel glances at Roman before turning to me. 'Kit, why did you leave your previous home?'

'I couldn't stay there.'

'Why?'

'I just couldn't.' I shuffle uncomfortably and glance between the two of them. I could tell them about my settlement. First, I want to discuss the idea with Zach and ask him what he thinks about telling them about our past.

'Roman, could you get Bo and Zach. I need to talk to them separately after I've finished talking with Kit,' Ethel says.

Roman nods and leaves the room whilst Ethel grabs a chair and pops it in front of me. 'Please sit, Kit.'

I stare at the chair. Should I defy her or accept. I don't understand what she wants from me. What are her intentions? I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone except Zach.

I'm starting to think I have trust issues.

Ethel sighs, grabs another chair and sits down. 'The chair is to make you more comfortable, I'm not playing games or exerting my power. If you'd prefer to stand that's completely your choice.'

I sit in the chair. Ethel leans back, inspecting me again. What does she see? Does she see the unease humming beneath the surface of my skin? Does she see every muscle in my body tensing in fear of the possibility of her trying to make physical contact? My whole body is in a permanent state of preparing to run. It has been since we arrived yesterday, apart from a brief encounter this morning when it switched modes to fight mode.

I can't believe I punched that man.

'I was voted to be a leader of this community alongside Roman. However, I don't consider our roles to be one of control. We are here to aid the improvement of this community. Our aim is to build a better future for us and the future generations. Everyone who has joined over the years has a story and, unfortunately, they are often not happy ones. Regardless, we always accept outsiders if they are willing to build towards our goal. The only thing we do not tolerate is a person not contributing in a positive manner to our community.'

'I'm sorry... I didn't want to but his hands were on me and...' I wrap my arms around myself.

'It's ok. I believe you didn't intentionally set out to hurt Jed. Sometimes, previous experiences can alter how we perceive a situation and they can make us act in a certain way, especially when we feel threatened. If you ever want to talk to anyone, there are always people here who will listen. There are people who will understand what you've gone through.' Ethel smiles gently.

So you know multiple people who were kept prisoner and tested on?

'And I want you to know, any aggressive behaviour from anyone would not be tolerated and you should not tolerate it either. We do not want to build our community on an abusive environment. If anyone was acting in such a way to you, I would like you to tell me about it and I will deal with it effectively. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, including you, Kit.'