Desired

23. Ruined by Zach

'Was Zach there for you when you needed him?' Mercy asks.

'Yes.' Until yesterday, he was in more ways than I ever asked or expected which only makes the betrayal more bitter and confusing.

'I'm sorry to hear about your split. I'm sure you'll work it out and get back together.'

'I doubt it.'

'I saw how you two were. He'd be a fool to give up on what you have.'

'He's an arrogant big-headed jerk,' I whisper.

'You really think that?' Mercy turns to me and arches an eyebrow.

'No.' I shake my head and mumble under my breath. 'I never really did.'

The silence stretches out; neither of us attempt to fill it as we lean against the building wall. The cool air causes bumps along my skin, my feet are cold but it's strangely pleasant.

The shivering ache overrides any internal pain.

By the time an adult, called Imogen, arrives to take over Mercy's post at the door, I'm shivering and my feet and hands have gone numb. The sensation of nothingness comes as a welcome relief.

In the games room, or the library as I call it, we find Bo standing by the window in a pitch-black room. Mercy turns on her torch and positions it so it illuminates the middle of the room.

'Kit couldn't sleep so I asked her to join us,' Mercy says.

Bo nods looking at me. 'It's been a rough couple of days.'

I nod, noticing the gun in Bo's hand. 'I thought you weren't on patrol?'

'I'm not.'

'Why have you got a gun then?' I drop into a small armchair.

'I felt the need for extra protection tonight.' Bo shrugs and places the gun on a side table before sitting on the same sofa as Mercy. The sofa me and Zach slept on, did other stuff on. I avert my eyes and stare at the rug. The rug doesn't evoke any agonising memories of me and Zach.

Cas and Nate walk through the door. Cas exhales slumping down onto the sofa in between Bo and Mercy. She closes her eyes and leans her head on Bo's shoulder. 'I'm knackered.'

'You're always knackered,' Bo says.

'No, I'm knackered when I don't get enough sleep unlike you who seems to thrive on only a few hours every night.' Cas opens her eyes slightly. 'It's not normal, you know. You are not normal.'

Bo rolls his eyes and nudges her gently; she grabs his arm and pulls it around her shoulder. The action makes me think of my brother, of Zach and the comfortableness I felt around them both.

I don't have that intimacy with anyone anymore.  

'Good to see you here, Kit,' Nate says.

'Yeah, we've missed you at mealtimes.' Mercy squeezes into the gap next to Cas on the sofa. The sofa I know hate. 

'Sorry, I wasn't feeling very sociable.' I shrug.

'Don't worry, everyone has those days, and we know it's a bit of crappy time at the moment for you, with this whole Zach thi-' Mercy stops abruptly when Cas nudges her.

'I think we should play strip poker?' Cas grins.

'You always want to play strip poker!' Mercy huffs.

'That's because she normally keeps most of her clothes on and gets to sit back and watch us all get naked,' Bo says.

'Not always.' Cas grins.