𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚𝒏𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒚, 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉

insecurities | Edwin

pls read this chapter, it's not sexual in any sort of way. But I don't know who needs to hear that they are worth more than their weight in gold. I go through plenty, id like to help anybody that feels unwanted or worthless. I'm not a study in college for therapy but I'm experienced with the unknown - bri

corner crying as in sitting in a dark, lonely, corner. isolating yourself from any human interaction. especially the one where you have to talk to your boyfriend. Edwin is forever the best and I know he loves me and I know that he'd never hurt my feelings, even if it's brutal, he finds ways to soften things for me and make it a lot easier to take in.

in·se·cure/ˌinsəˈkyo͝or/adjective

1. (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

yeah ever heard of that? well, I have that.

Edwin pushes me to accept myself and be who I wanna be because its the best version I contain. Ok, I'm nothing, precisely useless. I was currently having those really like sad breakdowns, the ones where your mascara is mushed all through your cheek, your eyes are glowing, and you're a total mess, not a hot one though.

The door creaked.

"Baby why is the front door ope-" he didn't have time to finish before spotting me silently crying.

I mentally curse at myself for forgetting to lock the door.

I rub my nose and nod, showing a 'no' expression. he places his bags down and slowly sits next to me on the floor, placing his legs across each other, in a cris cross, position. He sat silently next to me as I stared at the wall, wiping my tears and pulling my hair up into a ponytail so it wouldn't be in front of my face.

"Baby?'' his soft voice breaking the silence

I hummed, "Yes?''

"What happened?" the firmness in his voice showed slight weakness.

"Nothing did, don't worry about it, Ed. I was just feeling low"

"No. You don't like yourself and that's pushing you right now, Isn't it?" He questioned, fully aware that I was feeling like utter shit.

I nodded yes and put my head atop his shoulder.

"Can I tell you something? Promise that you'll take everything I'm about to tell you into the heart". His voiced lowly cracked.

"I promise", bluntly but promising.

"So maybe this may sound so corny and might seem unsure, maybe even unbelievable considering how you see yourself but I find you perfect. Look you may not be rocking a certain brand or having this oversized ass. Boobs that get everybody's attention right onto you. Maybe you don't have your star look or the imaginable hip figure. That face that comes along with you is perfect and flawless, to you, it might not be even near to what you wish it did look like. But you wanna know something you do have Baby?"

I moved my head up and down at a moderate pace.

"You got the fullest, brightest smile ever. Your eyes glisten, loudly catching attention. Your laugh sends everyone into ecstasy within themselves. Your mind speaks so loudly and can't be defeated. Your passion makes people envious of your accomplishments. That sweet victory after beating the hardship you thought was impossible to conquer? Well, baby, you made that possible. You're capable of putting the earth on your own shoulders just to push yourself to be a better person than the day before. Your outside might feel worthless and horrifying to set eye on, but nobody is ugly in the inside. Everyone hates something about themselves, everyone has that one thing that makes them unconfident and anxious but inside, their souls are pure and full of light. They might cry the most because they are so unsure of themselves but they can't see anybody else cry."

his words sent tears to stroll over my cheek down to my chest.

"You're entitled to everything that you feel, do, say, and fully process. Right now, you are using your own power against you. Why? Because YOU see yourself this negative way, YOU pressure yourself to look as beautiful as you do in the inside to prove a point? What point? That you're worth the cost. that you're worth more than what your own mind puts you to believe. Wanna hear a better way to prove that?"

"Yes"

"Don't let your mind out power you. You gotta take every word into the heart because placing into mind, you're just trying to fight against it. Convince yourself to something that you aren't. Let go of your insecurities and bring out your values. Because believe or not, you have SO much of that."

I looked at him and was about to speak.

"Don't say anything, my love, just simply take that to your heart. Let it have some self-love and drown in nothing but happiness and rapture. Hold tight cause this is a long ride but we'll get there, I know we will."

- bri

"If there's one thing I want you to learn about life is that it isn't perfect. It isn't easy. It isn't fair. It isn't for the faint of heart, but life is beautiful. Regardless of the struggles and weight that a person carries, life is beautiful. Life gives you so many memories that are worth their weight in gold. It gives us people that make us think how we even got through before they came in to your life. It gives you sweet victory after beating the hardship you thought was impossible to conquer. It reminds you when you're feeling alone that there are always people in your corner wishing and hoping for your success. Life isn't easy, but it is beautiful" - D.G

i asked my brother one thing he'd like me to know about life and this is what he said. and yes i did use something from that in this chapter