Horns // Billie Eilish

Nineteen

"P-panic attack," I answer and sit down on the patch of grass beside me, burying my head between my knees.

"Just focus on me, okay?" she says and I shut my eyes tightly while I do my best to focus on her voice and nothing else. "Copy my breathing," she instructs and takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it go.

I do my best to copy her and struggle for a bit, but eventually I start to match her pace fairly well.

"Good, keep doing that and just listen to me," she says and I listen, continuing to take deep breaths. Well, trying my best to take deep breaths. "Think about something that makes you feel calm."

You.

"Whenever I'm overwhelmed now I think about when we went camping together, try that," she suggests and I try to do as told.

I keep my eyes closed and let my mind drift,
my breaths slowly getting steadier as I think back to our second night at the campsite.

"But what about the bears?"

I look at Billie while I put an extra jacket on over my pjs and roll my eyes playfully, "You're such a baby."

"Says the bitch who nearly pissed herself when she saw a spider yesterday!" she whisper-shouts defensively and I laugh quietly.

We can't be too loud because everyone else is asleep, and our tents don't provide much in terms of sound proofing. Both of us had trouble getting to sleep, so we decided to layer up and take some blankets out with us to find a spot for some star gazing.

"I refuse to let you shame me for my completely rational fear," I grumble and grab my blanket and sleeping bag. "Now hurry up, I wanna see the stars."

She puts a warmer jacket on then grabs her blanket and sleeping bag as well. Once we're both ready I unzip the tent and get out, zipping it back up when Billie gets out with all her things. We lug our stuff away from the campsite and wander towards a clearing in the trees we saw earlier, near the perimeter of the lake.

Once we find the same spot we start setting our things down. I unzip my sleeping bag all the way then lay it out on the ground, placing my blanket on top of it for extra cushioning. We then lay down and Billie puts her blanket and unzipped sleeping bag over us for warmth.

"Holy shit," I mumble as I lay back and look up at the sky, finding myself gazing at the clearest night sky I have ever seen.

I smile when I feel Billie snuggle into my side and wrap my arm around her, rubbing her arm gently to provide some extra warmth.

"Do you know anything about constellations?" she whispers and I nod slightly.

"A little bit," I mumble and search the sky for something I can tell her about. "You see those three little stars that look really close together?" I ask and point at where I'm looking, though it's not much help.

"Uh no," Billie mumbles then perks up. "Wait yes!"

"That's Orion's belt," I tell her and guide her eyes to the rest of the constellation with my finger. "The ancient Egyptians believed the stars were a God called Sah."

"How do you know that stuff?" she asks and I shrug.

"I like reading about this kinda thing."

"I would call you a nerd but this is really cool," she mumbles and I tilt my head to look at her, smiling softly when I find a look of pure wonder on her face. God, she's so beautiful.