Untold. // Phan

Chapter 13

I didn't even go home to get some things. Just as I had lived all day, I went to him. I didn't even drive past the house. For some reason, I was scared.

My brain was unable to do anything, as was my heart. Either everything was too much or too little. And today was clearly too much, because I wasn't afraid for a long time.

Next to the orange painted house.

In any case, it couldn't be overseen. I got off his bike and rang the bell. A few seconds later I heard footsteps and he opened the door for me. He waved me in and closed the door behind us.

"My room is upstairs, my grandparents aren't home yet." He explained as he headed for the stairs. We both ran up and entered his room.

It was bigger than mine and a lot more conceded, but honestly, I thought it would be that way. He had a few pictures on his desk and a wall was painted blue. His bed was there and he was one of the people who slept with a hundred pillows.

Across from the bed was a couch.

"Is this really okay for you?" I burst out my train of thought and he immediately turned around.

"Of course!" he replied as fast as he had turned. "Honestly. We are friends."

I looked up and he smiled gently at me.

"I took your bag with me." There was a pause. "Do you need anything?" I shook my head slightly, watching Philip as he sat on his bed. Something in me moved me to sit next to him.

"Are you okay?" he also asked in person now and I just looked at the floor for a while, until I looked up and started to shake my head. I wanted to take everything apart, but I wasn't alone. Suddenly I was grateful to Phil for being there.

"What's going on?" he wanted to know cautiously and I looked at the ground again.

"My sister is fine, but I just don't know what's going on, I mean I know what's going on and why she's in the hospital, but I don't know what's going on with her, does that make sense?"

"I think it does."

I began to dig around on my fingers. Philip put his hand on my shoulder and I stopped my movement.

"My dad is there. He didn't want me to stay there and at the same time he didn't want me to stay home alone. My sister is lying there getting her stomach pumped out and I'm sitting here. Once I'm the halfway normal." I laughed bitterly and ran my fingers through my hair.

"I don't think it would be a good idea if you were alone at home."

"How do you want to know that?!" I asked snippily.

"I don't know that, I just think so." I stared at him. He took his hand off my shoulder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I know that." And in fact, he managed to make me smile for a moment.

"Dude, fuck." I burried my face in my hands. "My life has felt okay and now that. As if something always gets in my way." I swallowed hard.

"I know. It's a shitty feeling." He agreed. "But then I think, the main thing is that there are moments when everything is somehow okay."

I just looked at him, but he didn't look at me. He was right and I knew that right now. But right now I was just scared that it would never be okay again. I didn't say anything because I was afraid that he wouldn't understand.

"How loud is it in your head right now?" he asked after a while and I remembered the conversation that we had on the sports field.

"Pretty loud."

"Need a punching bag?"

A few minutes later we were in his basement and I punched his punching bag. The first few times were weak, but then I really got going and was just thinking about everything that was going wrong right now.

Addy was in the hospital for taking an overdose. Hit.

I didn't really know what the reason was. Hit.

Nobody realized how done she was. Hit.

I should have known. Hit. Hit. Hit.

I breathed quickly and leaned against the wall as I removed the gloves he had given me.

"Better?" I nodded exhausted and he took the gloves. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. I let my hand stay in them.

"Holy shit." I mumbled and closed my eyes. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. I pulled my knees up and leaned my head against the wall. I opened my eyes again and watched Philip as he sat cross-legged in front of me.

"I don't want that." I thought, but the next moment I noticed that I said it aloud. Philip looked at me worriedly with his eyebrows drawn together.

"What do you not want?"

"Everything. I don't want that to happen. My sister, my head, just everything. I don't want to go through that." It felt like I was getting a panic attack and I think Philip noticed that. I noticed that he thought a long time and hesitantly looked back and forth, until he put his hand very slowly on my knee.

I was here with him in his basement. Very far away from everything bad. And somehow that calmed me down, even if it was only for a second. The world kept turning, bad things were still happening, but right now I was just with him.

And I never wanted to go again.

"Can I make a suggestion?" he asked carefully and I just nodded. His hand was still on my knee and he was staring at it. I hope he wouldn't take it away.

"We could go camping, forgetting everything else for a weekend if that's an idea." He looked up. "I used to go camping all by myself, now the difference is we're not alone."

I just looked at him for a felt eternity until I started to nod.

"You are not alone, Dan." he commented and I swallowed hard. If I didn't know any better, I would have said the world stopped at that moment.

I looked at his hand, which was still on my knee, and put mine gently over it.

"You're neither." We just sat there for a while and I didn't know if I held his hand or he held mine. I came to the conclusion that we held each other. And even though it was the worst time ever, I wanted to kiss him.

At some point we heard a female voice calling his name and he got up.

"That would be my grandma." he laughed and helped me up.
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today I wrote my first exam at uni. so to celebrate that, here's a chapter, and I hope you liked it. also I have an idea for another fanfic, so tell me if you would be interested.

Also, go and read "I am in love with a criminal". It's also a fanfic I wrote and it has smut in it. It's on my account. THANKS. Lots of love.