Endpoint (A TFP Fanfiction)

Chapter 13

When Ratchet woke up, he found that he was crying. Lubricant was falling down his faceplate through his closed optic, and he could even feel the tears stinging behind his blind one. He let them spill, allowing himself to fall into this weakness. It hurt, but he didn't know how to make it stop. Something inside him told that he deserved these feelings, that he could never allow himself to be happy again. That part of him would slowly grow as time went on, and right now it seemed at a high peak. Taking a shaky vent, he felt his derma involuntarily curl upwards, like he was ready to sob. Slowly, hardly noticing the pain in his chassis as he moved, he brought his good servo to his faceplate, covering his closed optics as the tears continued to fall. His chest chassis started to throb from holding back cries of sorrow, but he could deal with it. 

Look at me. I'm hopeless.

It took him a moment to realize that something tiny and cool was rubbing along his faceplate. He felt the lubricant being wiped away, and he stiffened. Confused and slightly curious, he lifted his servo from his facial plate and tilted his helm. His one optic shuttered open slowly, allowing him to realize that he really was exhausted. As his vision cleared, having been blurred from the tears, he saw a silver haired girl looking up at him with wide and worried blue eyes. She was holding his faceplate with her hands, having paused wiping it gently. He blinked, surprised to see her there, and then it slowly sank in that he was on the berth. He remembered what had happened previously and looked away, both embarrassed and ashamed.

"Hey," she whispered quietly, leaning closer. To his surprise, she placed her forehead on his cheek gently, closing her eyes. "You had a bad dream, didn't you? Was it a memory, like Optimus' were?" 

The medic was silent for a little while, afraid his voice would crack if he answered. With another shaky sigh, he nodded his helm once. She backed up, her face sad. Slowly, tears formed into her eyes and her face twisted into sorrow. With a sob, she lunged back forward and hugged his neck cables. He stiffened, first startled and then surprised that she was clinging to him. Slowly, he reached up, first getting rid of what remained of his tears before resting his servo on her back, covering almost her entire body. 

She sniffed and looked up into his optic tearfully. "I'm sorry. I thought I was going to comfort you." She chuckled lightly, and for some reason, Ratchet felt his spark lift slightly.

"Comfort me?" he asked quietly. 

She nodded. "You were crying in your sleep, and you were twitching, too..." she trailed off, her gaze growing more and more focused on his optic.

Ratchet was unsure why, but despite their position, he wasn't uncomfortable, sparkwise. Physically, his chassis was throbbing, but he could handle that later. Right now, he was slowly starting to feel just the smallest bit better. How was it that this girl brought out his best side?

Taylor broke the silence first, her face turning red a little. "Um... I'm really sorry about everything that's happened," she started slowly, but didn't tear her gaze away. "I wish there was a way to change it.. I can't even imagine what you've gone through.."

"You were tortured," he argued. 

She pouted cutely. "So did you. You saw all your friends.. your family die," she said, and tears started to rise again. "What happened to me hurt, but.. you know me. I'm never thinking about myself a lot. I just want you to be okay." Slowly, she rested her head on his faceplate, sighing. "I want to do something.. anything.. to help you."

He listened to her finish, his spark sinking at all she had said. It was true, but he wanted to grow to accept it. Did he really want to feel better? Maybe he was getting what he deserved.

"Maybe I'm being punished for something..," he muttered quietly, looking up at the ceiling blankly. He felt tears rise into his optic again and squinted.