Toast (an everlark fanfic)

Chapter 2

KATNISS' POV

When we pulled into our stop, i turned to Peeta, he gripped my hand and smiled, but it was somewhat forced.

 He, too, is worried. As i look forward, i am forced to confront my biggest fear... my past. It's no little secret to the capital - to all of panem for that matter - what happened during the rebellion; Peeta's capture, Cinna's death, Finnick's death, Prims death, my killing Coin, it's all common knowledge to the people of panem, we are in the history books that children read at school, we are reminded every year by a special celebration.

 Peeta and I are always invited to it but have not attended in 4 years. Still it is streamed on screens all across panem, for those who aren't invited.

 Peeta and i make sure to choose those days to be out in town, we can never bare to be reminded of losing ourselves, of losing each other.

 As the doors open and we walk off the train, Peeta takes Bare's hand and leads him to the front of the president's estate, leaving me behind with Oakley.

 I know Peeta wants nothing more than for me to be happy, but sometimes there isn't anything he can do, and this is one of those times. 

I know he knows it, otherwise he wouldn't have let go of my hand, he wouldn't have walked ahead, but Peeta has known me long enough to know that when he can't comfort me, he should leave me to figure myself out. And he does. Every time.

 I hold Oakley closer, take a deep breath, and step out of the train, the capitol is buzzing with its usual liveliness, even after the rebellion, when there were countless casualties, the people of the capitol found a way to continue to be happy, they had parties to celebrate the coming of something new

 I can't help but grin when i see Flavius and Octavia standing outside the doors. Although i'm excited to see them, it brings back all of the memories. The first games, the last games, the mockingjay, and all of the things in between.

 Sometimes i remember the decision i had to make between Peeta and Gale if Gale wouldn't have killed Prim, would i have chosen him?

I almost always answer "no" but there are sometimes, when i'm by myself, when it's the middle of the night and there is nothing to be done but to sit in internal silence, I think of the possibility of ending up with Gale

i love Peeta with everything I am, but Gale knows me. Sometimes it pains me to accept that he still knows me better than Peeta ever has

 but i can't think about that. I'm happy. Happier than i have ever been since the day my father died. Although at first letting Gale go was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, it's become one of the easiest, because i know i made the right choice. 

Sorry it's so short and kinda unreadable, I've pre screens most of my stuff through my friend 😂 anyway I swear it's a great story, I just had trouble starting it off, it's gonna get better!