ISAAC's OC REVIEWs

Naomi A. Patchin [F]

Please note that I ask a lot of questions throughout the review, you by no means have to answer them, they are simply to get you thinking more in-depth about your character. Enjoy!

Fandom: Original (basically she's for normal/real life rps, sometimes magical ones)

Full Name: Naomi Anna Patchin

[ It's got a nice little ring to it.]

Nickname: Sissy, Peanut (she loves peanuts and her baby sister calls her Sissy)

[ What does she think of these nicknames? ]

Age: 23

Gender: F

Sexuality: Demisexual Biromantic

Species: Human

Nationality: American (1/3 French, 1/3 American & Canadian Indian, the other third is misc)

[ That's a whole lot of flavours! What is listed in the brackets seems more akin to her ethnicity and or race than it is to her nationality. Perhaps to separate, the two and we should be all good.]

Appearance: average length for long black hair, forest green eyes, kind of pale, tall (as in 5'10 tall), slim, not much curve.

[ Can we start to consider her features within her appearance? It'll help a reader to better visualise Miss Naomi. Why is she 'kind of pale' and how much does she weigh? I'm gonna get my Sherlock on and do some mad maths to figure that she should weight around 130lbs {59kg} to 143lbs {65kg} if she's 5'10" and slim.]

Health: deathly allergic to zithromax (medication), high metabolism.

[ Unless she was tested for allergies and found out she was allergic to Zithromax that way {which I find unlikely}, she would have a story of her going into anaphylactic shock. Finding out through nearly dying that she was allergic, so let's tell that story! Might have happened when she was younger, I know for a fact that Zithromax is used to treat ear infections in kids, mostly due to my younger sister who had to keep having it for her bloody ear infections. Maybe Naomi had an ear infection and the first-line antibiotics weren't helping, so she's given Zithromax and boom... anaphylactic shock.

Giving a story to it, no matter how small helps to give it more weight when it's placed in the midst of everything else, it's not just knocking around in her profile then. If the story behind this does have something to with her going into anaphylactic shock, think about what happened to her physically, how she was feeling and how she felt after the fact.

Moving to her high metabolism, I know in her strengths you've mentioned that she's 'reasonably strong despite her metabolism' that shows that you're at least somewhat aware of how metabolism can affect muscle gain. I quite fancy the idea of her actively working towards trying to gain muscle and learning to fight/get out of one rather than her already be good enough at them to be strengths. It gives her a challenge then, something to work towards outside of her degree.]

Personality: sweet, friendly, caring, empathetic, smart, classy, sassy and uncontrollably smartassy,

[ Few contradictions here and there, mainly with her 'uncontrollably smartassy-ness' and monthly bitchiness. Saying she's uncontrollably smartassed makes it seem like she has no control over when or where she's a smartass, no on/off switch with it. I see it clashing with her being caring and empathic, say a stranger whose looking worse for wear is waiting at the same bus stop as Naomi, one smartassed comment from Naomi and stranger is in tears, don't seem too caring or understanding.