Water // Matty Healy ♣ The 1975

14. warmth

song song song

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"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I really am." my mum said. 

My mum. I felt sick. 

Matty was still holding onto my hand, and I felt bad for him, because I had gotten to worked up and so sweaty. 

My mum lead us out of the stall after I had explained, not wanting to cause a scene or anything. 

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cover what happened after you left. If you thought dad was unsafe to be around then you should have taken me with you or gotten help for him-" she interrupted me.

"Elizabeth, I never thought your father was unsafe, I just couldn't cope." she pushed her hair backwards. 

"Well then you should have fucking tried!" I almost shouted, earning a few looks from mothers with toddlers. 

I dug my short fingernails into Matty's hand, he winced. 

"Sorry." I said to Matty.

Mum, or Stacy, or whatever I was supposed to call her frowned.

"Why are you here anyway? Do you realise how selfish it was to leave your dad and step mum like that?" mum asked. I laughed sarcastically.

"Mum, Stacy, whatever it is. You did exactly the same thing!"

"I know, but I needed to, Elizabeth." 

"My step mother was abusing me, dad was doing nothing about it, I didn't even chose to leave, she made me, so don't say for a second that leaving because you couldn't cope, or because you needed to was a perfectly fine thing to do." I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body. 

"I'm so sorry about that, Elizabeth. I'm sorry about what I did, but I was scared, I didn't know how to cope with a child, you were seven, you were growing up. I was young, I couldn't deal with the responsibility." 

"Why didn't you leave when I was born then, in stead of dragging it out for seven years, or, I know! Why didn't you just get an abortion, then leave?" I asked, but I didn't want to hear the answer, I couldn't deal with it. 

"Because I- I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to show that I could cope with having a family." she wasn't crying, she didn't even look sad, just sincere. 

"But you couldn't." I said quietly. 

Tears stung my eyes and threatened to fall, but I refused to look weak in front of my mum. 

"Oh Lizzy..." she said quietly. 

"Mum, could you just- I'm not in the mood for talking right now. I'll come back another day, then we can, I dunno, talk properly. If you want to." mum nodded her head gently. 

"Okay, I'll see you soon." she told me, before turning to walk away. 

"Mum." I said as she had walked a couple of paces, grabbing her attention again.

"Yes?" she asked.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? About me, being here." I asked her, crossing my fingers.

"No, don't worry about it." she said. We nodded at each other, and then she walked out of sight.

Matty looked at me, but I didn't look at him until I knew she was gone.

I glanced at him for a second, then I shut my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying.

"I'm such an idiot." I said quietly.

Despite the busy sounds of London surrounding us, we were so silent I could have probably heard a pin drop.

It had started raining a minute or so after my mum, Matty and I walked outside, but I don't think any of us had payed much attention to it, after all it had only seemed like a light drizzle. However, now my ponytail was clinging to my skin and my clothes felt like they had been glued to me. 

"No you're not." he replied. 

I inhaled sharply, trying to get as much air into my system as possible. 

"I'm so weak. I can't do anything without crying. Have you ever heard anything so pathetic?" I whispered. 

"You're not weak, you're just tired out from everything that happened to you, that's all." 

"So you wouldn't mind if I started crying again?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"Not at all." he said.

I inhaled again, my breath shaky. I reached around to find his other hand and I fell forward into his chest, sobbing quietly.

I felt his lips pressing against my crown softly and I looked up at him.

"I-I'm so so sorry." I whispered as I buried my nose into the crook of his neck.

"Shhh..." he said. I could feel his body stiffening slightly.

I subconsciously pressed my lips against one of his jutting out collar bones. 

He shifted. 

"Stop that." he said.

I pulled back. 

"Why?" I asked. 

He studied my red, blotchy, tear stained face and smirked. 

"Because I'm kind of scared of what I'll end up doing." he said. 

I grinned at him, but I stopped once I was interrupted by a sob the erupted from somewhere in my throat. 

"I don't really mind." I admitted.

Matty shook his head. 

"No, no I'm not going to kiss you in rainy London, right after you had an argument with your mother. That's way too cliche."

I laughed quietly.

"Okay, you kiss me in your own time then." I said, letting go of one of his hands so that we could walk.

"I should be telling you that we can move at your own speed, not the other way around." he smirked as we walked.

"Trust me, Matty, everything is going wrong right now, and if we moved at my speed, we'll be kissing at my funeral."

So we walked.  

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a/n

oops, i updated again....

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DID!

pls tell jasmino what you thought of this chapterino.