~ Grey Limits

༓ 》 12 - 𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘚𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴《 ༓

~ "I hate the mornings after I cry. I let another day begin with swollen eyes." She smiled sadly.

I knew Sarah couldn't take care of our child.

''It's alright darling, we started life crying too you know?
Still, we enjoyed it at times when we forgot it was life
and remembered it is ours."

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Out of a womb delicate infant
Into your cotton-soft content
Know only the pleasure of sleeping
Yawning in your atmosphere of oneness

"No! Things didn't change Michael. You changed things!" I wailed

All it 'could have been'
are why I found it hard to let go of him

The scent of fresh strawberries chopped in her morning dish
Years ago my little tot this is what made me live

Been searching you a caretaker for long
Darling I always wish to leave you for one who is strong
Micheal crashed my dreams for our future when he left us to fall

Now your mommy is too weak to smile at your drawings
Or play with your dolls with anything but regret
But don't you love this oatmeal I made you while you slept?

And those cartoons you're watching play you a better life than ours
But I'll think of a man to make your father before here is where my life stops
I know a child like you can't talk relief into my core

I live only to receive
Having no will to offer you more

And I've asked my glass of wine what it needs
say: express the damage done to self
and I understood how much my heart had to keep

I've read thousands of books when young
Thinking I could plan my life well
Didn't consider the chance of mistakes ahead
Knowing I can never accept the idea of flaws in a fulfilling life

Chased the words of men who showed me what love has stolen from me
Till a friend told me never to force myself to love those safe just to pass time but I eagerly needed to fit myself into someone else's world

And when I'm done with this journey that drained all beauty I'd known
I'll still love the touch of your skin, my little tot
The perfect match for sweet oils.
On your tiny hands and feet, I'll rub it
How they become one is magic itself.

All the skin on your figure for a blissful purpose
Holds you gently ready to absorb affection
But mommy is not ready for you yet.

A woman with no purpose
Bring the glitter to the surface
Kill no one with the process
But her pure use of a headspace

.............

Run your hand through your hair kind of melody
A holographic taste to three a.m. remedies
Tear into the heavy floating clouds of ecstasy
Build your home in a love-immersed memory

My mother once told me:
"Never live life for others to feel safe."
She said: "It's a waste of time to help mankind hide their mistakes."

So if you flip the radiant hearts aside
Wobbly tables with sobbing children on top you'll find
But with the plenty of distractions that we can create
A joyride can still be made

I'm dying to make music and let people sit in their feelings
Let it be the cooldown of a child's cry
Or one you'd sway to while eating a pie

No one mentions the numbness after the pain
when you don't have anyone to sing about
or a memory to chase

This time is the ugly scratch on a polished table
I'm craving what will not get old
Seeking a connection like gold
Never rusty and too precious to be sold
So which have you got?

My mother knows that love has broken the heart she'd taken forever to sew
Yet she still chooses the red of threads
Of that, her men would beg for

And I'm grateful for a father to remind me that this life is mine
I have let the loss of control make me think I'm holy
And this moment is surely where I let my old life go

Hearts are flammable
Told and heard differently
Misunderstood constantly
Love is our savior 
We simply don't do it right yet

.soul loss.