Hidden Affection

chapter twelve

(I highly recommend listening to There for you by Martin Garrix and Troye Sivan in this chapter)

Have you ever looked into the mirror, and your reflection showing someone which you never wanted to do when you grow up? Blood shot red eyes, tears falling down, unable to stop. Your cheeks red, hurting cause you've cried so much that your muscle hurts. Face red and damp.

Have you ever covered your mouth with your hands to stop yourself from from making noises from sobbing and then choked on it?

When I was younger, I was mermerised by barbies, I wanted to be like them. They was charming, beautiful, always smiling. I used to break their body parts and fit it into other barbies, change her dresses, comb her hair but they still showed her pearly white teeth.

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" ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?! JESUS CHRIST! WHAT STUNT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?! DID YOU THINK ABOUT ME FOR ONCE? YOUR FAMILY? FRIENDS? IS THIS BECAUSE OF YOUR BROTHER?" The bathroom door banged open, revealing half asleep Justin now fuming with anger and fully awake, his eyes hard, revealing no emotion but anger.

Ashamed I looked down, the blade in my hand fell down. What I was trying to do? Trying to be next the Hannah Baker? No, I wasn't trying to intimate her. I didn't want to blame anyone for my death, instead I thanked everyone for being in my life even after they messed me up.

"Amelia, what happened? Were they notes....suicide notes?" His tone was soft, yet desperate as he pointed towards the table with a bundle of pages kept on it, neatly. He wanted me to open up. I, on the other hand was scared. One part of me wanted to break down again, shout, tell him every damn thing but the other wanted to sit in the corner and just stare at the ceiling. For once in life, I tried to open up.

" What do you want me to say?! I am tired Justin, I am so fucking tired....of everything. Why me? Why is everything falling apart? What reason do I have? Don't pull the family card, I hate it. Its messed up, okay?" I replied. My eyes bulging out, my veins popping out of my neck. Then I chuckled for no reason ,nothing was amusing there.

" Friends? How many times do I have to tell you I don't have friends? No one fucking likes me, sometimes I doubt you too. I don't know why you are with me? Pitying me? I am not a pity case, Justin. You'll leave me too like others did and forget me when I am gone. It doesn't take long to forget someone! You'll find a new routine Justin, they did too. You'll have a girlfriend, a better one! Who will not fucked up like me! I am not good enough for you Justin, please leave." I shouted, more tears came out.

He would leave me after this. Afterall, I am very difficult to handle. I felt like he will leave me like Clay did when Hannah told him to leave.

" Amelia, how can you even think like that? You'll have me always. No way in the world, I would leave you, EVER. What in the world did they do to you, cupcake? Amelia, you are a wonderful person. If they don't like you leave them, don't talk to them, just tell them goodbye. Pining over them will harm you not them and one day I want to see you reach heights. Save your treasure." he explains softly, sitting next to me on the bathroom floor.

" What treasure?" I croaked. He just smiled and pointed towards my head and my chest.

" You need to save your heart. Don't just give it to anyone who asks for it. People are oblivious, they'll never know that they took a piece of you . Your brain, it needs to rest. If someone doesn't like you, leaves you then let them be. Don't overthink and try to change yourself. Be wierd, silly, fearless, crazy, sarcastic.....be you." He said, running his hands through my hair.

" Now , come here" he pulled me into a hug. I cried, how can someone be so awesome? How can someone stick with me after this?

I pulled from the hug and his eyes staring into mine, a small smile played on his lips before out lips connected. He was soft this time, very gentle....just trying not to hurt me. I could taste my salty tears. This was a reassuring kiss, telling me he won't ever leave me.

" Let me take you out in a proper date. Let's have a day for ourselves." He pulled away and whis against my lips.

I agreed and we went towards his room.

"Sleep, cupcake sleep. You will need energy for tomorrow." He said and humming a song.

The world's not perfect but it's not that bad
If we have each other and that's all we have
I'll be your lover and hold your hand
You should know I'll be there for you

" Mother, Justin. I thought you'll be my mother" I teased as he improvised the song by changing mother to lover.

" I'll be anything for you, cupcake. Anything you want" he replied, making my heart melt.

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