Devotion [h.s]

269

"I knew I should've lived here with you.." I murmur in regret.

"I don't need you to look after me." He says back.

"Well you obviously do! This place is a disaster, I also see that your binge drinking again and chain smoking." I argue.

"So what?" His shoulders shrug while his back was still to us.

"You have a kid to look after." Louis steps in.

"And do you understand how hard that is? Of course not." He verbally shoots back but his tone was calm, he had no emotions in his voice whenever he spoke.

"We know it's hard but you gotta figure it out for Briar." I protested.

"All because I fell asleep once at the table?" I can see him shake his head while putting Briar in the water and cleaning her off.

"No because you're spiralling."

"I am not spiralling Niall." He mumbles while Briar splashes in the water, him starting to get all the food off her.

"Then why are you drinking and smoking?" I argue because I wasn't going to let up about this when his child was involved.

He slams his hands on the edge of the counter before turning around to face us, frustration on his tired face.

"Why is that a problem! You both smoke all the time and Louis you're a fucking alcoholic. You don't see me pestering you two about that." He snaps while Briar sits calmly in the sink behind him, the soapy water to her belly.

"Because when you were your happiest you gave both of them up!" I raised my voice back.

"Well I'm not happy anymore am I!" He turns back around and continues to bathe Briar.

"Then let us help you, let me at least move back in with you to assist with the kid." I try to persuade.

"That's not your job Niall." He rejects immediately.

"I don't care Harry, you're not doing well. It's okay to admit that you need help." I shake my head, meaning what I say. I hated seeing him so down and broken, I knew he missed Amelia.

"I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me. Am I tired? Of course. Do I drink a bit more now to feel better? Yes. I'm not proud of it but I have it under control." He says with his back still to us again, cleaning Briar's face with a cloth.

"You say that but you don't look like you have it under control." Louis exclaims while running his hand back through his hair, scanning his eyes around the mess of a kitchen.

"I fell asleep on the counter because she wasn't crying for once. It was an accident and if she started crying again I would've woken right back up. You don't understand how much she cries, that's why I don't sleep." He explains while rinsing her off.

"Then let me move back in-"

"Fuck Niall I said no!" He barks while turning back around to look at me. He was frustrated, I could see. But it looked like he was hiding something. He really did not look good physically, either he was actually drunk and lying about it or there's something else going on with him. But then again he says he never gets to sleep so maybe that's just it.

His bellowing voice was so loud and abrupt that Briar flinched in the sink, and seconds after her face scrunched up. Her cheeks went red and she started crying out of the startle of Harry's snap.

Harry tossed his head back and shut his eyes, groaning the second she started crying.

"Briar please." He turned back to her and shook his head, starting to drain the water as she cried with no intentions to stop.

"You guys need to just go. She's going to cry for hours now." Harry mumbled under his breath so we could barely hear.

"We can watch her while you clean up or something." Louis suggests.

"No, just please go." He says sternly back, not wanting our help at all.

I sighed under my breath, looking at Louis who just shrugged and shook his head. We couldn't help him out if he wouldn't let us. As much as I don't want to leave him like this when he's obviously depressed, I can't just force my assistance. He will come around eventually, I just hope he doesn't go deeper in this hole. He already looked like shit.

"Okay, fine. But I'm going to be coming by to check on you more often." I inform while stepping towards the doorway.

"You don't need to." He says back while lifting Briar up out of the sink and grabbing a blue towel over in the corner to wrap her in.

"I know I don't, but I will." I respond quietly but enough for him to hear me over Briar.

Louis and I walk out of the kitchen and through the living room, lacing through all the kids toys on the floor until we get to the front door. I open it up and we leave, locking the door behind me with the code.

"Fuck mate." Louis huffed while we walked down the front steps and down the driveway towards the truck.

"I don't like how he looks at all." I admit with a head shake.

"Yeah he looks like hell. He was totally passed out back there too, not just asleep." Louis states like a fact, walking to the drivers side while I went to the passenger side.

"Yeah he either was drinking and passed out or was doing something else to pass out." I ponder while opening the door and hopping into the vehicle.

"You think he's doing drugs?" Louis arches his brow while getting seated in the drivers seat, shutting his door.

"The idea crossed my mind but I don't think so, he wouldn't with the baby to look after." I shake my head.

"You never know though, he was a coke addict for like five years. And remember that night Amelia and him had that huge fight back underground? He turned to it again out of impulse." Louis explains while turning the car on and backing out of the driveway.

"That was a long time ago though, he's different now." I defend on his behalf, hoping what Louis is predicting isn't actually true.

"I'm just saying. He was once a drug addict, he can easily become one again. And he has basically lost Amelia, if he ever was gonna start using again then that would definitely be the thing to do it. He lost the one thing that gave him hope in life, you know that." Louis mumbles some negative but sadly true facts.

She did change his life.

Living with Amelia, Harry and Briar really gave me a close look on how happy Harry was. And it's sad to know that was all stripped away from him. He has his daughter, and hopefully he knows that he can still be happy as long as he has her. I'm just praying that his ruthless ways won't get in the way of him being good to her.

"Just pull up in front of his house for a second, I wanna see through the window what he's doing." I ask while Louis pulls out from the driveway to the road. He parks on the side of the road in front of Harry's house, giving us a view of the kitchen window.

We see him standing with Briar who was crying and wrapped in a towel. He walked in circles around the island counter, bouncing her and trying to get her to stop crying. I don't know what I expected to see, but it was sad to see him struggling so bad. He looked miserable walking around in circles, trying to get her to stop crying.

"Amelia will wake up and they'll be okay again." I whisper in hope.

"Even if she does, she might have no one to wake up to." Louis mumbles under his breath.

"What do you mean?" I turn my head back to look at him with confusion and a need of further clarification.

"The Salvation war might kill Harry and all of us first." Louis whispered, stepping on the gas pedal to drive away.

//

louis isn't referring to the baby too in the last line btw