Devotion [h.s]

261

*play song when Amelia goes into kitchen, it's important*

Amelia Adams

Yesterday our daughter said her first word, and it was fuck.

Because we live in a household where her father and her uncles use the said cuss word three times a sentence, its what she picked up.

Most kids get mamma, or dadda - something somewhat easy to say because it was basically a mumble of the lips and not in need of much articulation with the teeth.

But no, this kid said fuck.

F-U-C-K.

As much as I wasn't necessarily pleased that her first word was a curse, I was happy she said her first word in general. She's growing so much everyday and it felt like a blink ago she was a tiny infant in my arms that couldn't even hold her head up. She was nine months old now, and in a few short months she'll be a whole year old. She'll start walking and speaking more words and before we know it she'll be a little girl and no longer a baby.

We spent the day with each other, gawking over the fact that Briar spoke her first word of many. Niall and Louis were worried we were going to blame them for her saying fuck, but we would never. It's not their fault our their responsibility. Yes she picked up the word from them as well as Harry but it's okay, they didn't know.

The air is still thick with Louis and Harry, ever since the argument they had at the hospital they just haven't spoken. I don't want Harry to hold this against Louis. He had a right to stand up for Liam when Harry blamed him for the reason of the miscarriage. It wasn't Liam's fault, and with Harry's help I've slowly started to understand it's no one fault.

Liam is in more emotional trauma and pain then I'll ever know. He didn't realize what he was doing when he was doing it and to hold something like this against him when he's hurting so bad already is not what I want. Louis said he's sending him to a mental rehabilitation center to where he will get the proper help he needs. It could take months or weeks, but I heard from Louis that the place is very nice and warm. He needs peace and warmth, he's been suffering for too long.

I've started to feel like a little more of myself today, ever since Harry took me on that walk I've felt amazingly loved and supported. I always felt love but lately it was just hard to remember when being put through such a traumatic situation.

I'm going to try and move forward.

I will never forget the child we lost and who they could've been, but I'm going to try and look past it. There will still be moments that I spontaneously burst out into tears and times where my nightmares will keep me awake during the depths of the night - but I will move forward and focus on the wonderful life with Briar and Harry I was given. And focus on how grateful I am for them both. We have many years of each other ahead to grow and love and I had to start realizing that.

I won't be sad forever, and I needed to see the bigger picture.

I woke up today with the sounds of some music playing downstairs, when I walked down into the kitchen I saw Harry in his grey trackpants walking around with Briar on his hip in her diaper. He was rocking around the kitchen doing different things while she had this beautiful glowing smile on her face of pure joy. Harry hummed to the music flooding the house and looked so, happy.

It was nice to see him happy, because he was suffering a lot with this miscarriage but now I think he's actually starting to move forward too.

The music was a song I've never heard, sounding quite old and not knowing where he got it from. My best guess was he found this CD here somewhere within this place. But the song was perfect, it made the room fill with joy and happiness.