Hijab

Niqab 💕

I started niqab.
The most, most, most difficult decision I ever took.
Though I am still on the first stage, like I don't cover my face everywhere, yet it was the most difficult thing for me to do.
I don't know what to do.

In 2017,when I started Hijab, many people opposed it. But I still continued it.  I feared that maybe I won't be able to continue it and for that I kept on praying to Allah SWT to help me in this path.

I took this decision alone with the help of Allah SWT. The first time when people noticed it (I used to take hijab before also but at some places) was on my cousin's engagement.
Before that even my amma didn't tookmy decision seriously, and on that exact day we both had a fight on which she was persistent on me to leave this decision. But damn! I was so stubborn. I still went in the hall with my head covered, and My amma glaring at me like she'll eat me.

Well then, every eye was on me. The girl with long beautiful hairs made in different styles suddenly in scarf? Instead of focusing on the bride people were discussing the new 'So Called Muslim'.
Why you took this decision?
Who forced you to do this?
Have you read any Islamic book?
Etc.

But I gave all answers. And that too very nicely and with a huge amout of patience.

But the line that I was stuck on was, 'You won't be able to continue it!'

I prayed, and Alhumdullilah I am still a proud Hijabi because this was the decision I made to please Allah SWT not people and hence He was the one to protect this decision.
Alhumdullilah people don't question anymore, and my amma is the one to bring scarfs.
And also, there are 3 to 4 cousins of mine who started hijab without anyone questioning them.

At that time, approx 2 years back, I promised myself to do niqab the next year. The perfect niqab.

But I couldn't.

Hijab was not that difficult for me, but niqab would bind me. I won't be able to talk to my male cousins, uncles and fellows. It will raise a lot more questions and it won't stop till death. And I am not able to face it yet.

But the next year, when Zilhajj started (the month I started hijab) the night of promise was disturbing me. The promise I made to Allah SWT of niqab was disturbing me.

I was breaking my promise.
ALLAH SWT is watching me doing it.

I wasn't able to sleep, it was very difficult.

There was one person whose opinion mattered the most.

My Husband.
One night, I just randomly asked him what if I start Niqab, he said he'll be really happy.

It was 1a.m. I stood up, went on the prayer mat, prayed tahajjud, and sat there.

After 15 minutes, I went in sujood, and Asked Him for help.

And He did. As always.
I thought maybe not complete, but atleast I can take my baby step, Allah SWT is watching, and like before He will be the one to help me.
And atleast if I die in the middle, he will reward me for it, because I made a decision, I already was trying.

And that baby step was to do niqab everywhere except weddings and home, any body's home.
Even in university, I will continue niqab.

Making the decision amd promising my ALLAH SWT again, I stood up.

The next day, a sudden plan was made on an outing. Wearing my Abaya, scarf, I stood in front of mirror thinking about last night, and then immediately my hands moved and took the last part of my scarf and covered my face with it.
With that, a smile behind that veil, I left my room to get all eyes on me once again.

Well, this time atleast my family, like amma, abba didn't said anything other than creepy smiles.
Others kept on asking different questions like always,
When did you started?
Your husband told you to do that?
I knew you will do it after your nikkah.
This change?
Are you mad?
This will last only 4 days.
Etc.

Not only this, there were people who appreciated, who wished me luck with a genuine smile.

But the most hard part of this niqab is the role it plays in university and in restaurants.

I wonder of I'll continue it, how will I eat in public?

I am waiting for the next year, what change it will bring? Excited much, anxiety shuts.

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This was my story. Niqab story.
I always wish to go to Makkah in zilhaj to perform hajj, but never did.

But now, I think what actually is hajj?
It's a kind of Jihad you fight there with the demons within you. You beat Shaitan, so can't we do it here to?
In those 1o days of HAJJ, We can take up a jihad of our own, and start it.
And from the last 2 years, Alhumdullilah I am performing that jihad. I AM PERFORMING THAT HAJJ OF PROMISES AND BEATING SHAITAN. I know the reward of this and that, the meaning is different but atleast like people promise ALLAH THERE, I AM PROMISING HERE. AND ALLAH LISTENS AND HEARS EVERYWHERE.

Believe me the decision you take in those days to please Allah SWT, the decisions that are really hard to follow yet you yake step, then that's the matter between you and Allah. He will provide you with so much strength that you'll wonder you had within you ever.
I'll suggest don't ever waste those 10 days of your life, you may not get them again in this life, but they'll provide you peace and joy in your entire true life.

I would like to hear your story.
Also, share it with anyone whom you think can get benefit from it.

JazakAllah Khair.