I'll Be Good

15

Today is our day off. I just got breakfast and am now passing time in the training room. I hit the punching bag hard and fast. All my strength goes into the punches.

The door opens and George enters. I act like I haven't noticed him.

'You are going to ignore me?' He asks.

I don't say anything.

'Pushing people out of your life isn't going to solve your problems. I don't know what is going on inside your head and I really wanna know. You are my sibling, so I feel like I have the right to know what the hell is going on with you.' His voice raises with each sentence.

I keep hitting the bag. He waits for an answer, but when that doesn't come he says: 'Do you miss Erudite? Mom and dad? Lily? Did part two of initiation got to you?' He stays quiet for a while and then he says: 'Is it Eric?' This snaps me.

'Fuck off George. Don't go guessing, because I am not the problem! Everyone else is pushing me away. I hear how Ross and Tori talk about me when they think I am sleeping. I hear it all!'

'That doesn't mean I talk badly about you behind your back. I tried to get in contact with you, but you didn't allow me. Please tell me if Eric did something you didn't like. Just say yes or no.'

'Oh go fuck yourself. Do you really think-' he doesn't let me finish.

'Having seks isn't a bad thing, you know?' He says. I want to say something, but he doesn't let me. 'I've had it. The first time always is a bit weird, but-'

'George!'

'What?'

'I am a virgin. And just leave me alone. You all think that you know better. You all think that I sleep with Eric and the worst thing is, is that you all think that I do it to be ranked high. It is all not true.' Tears fill my eyes and I see blurry. 'Just go.'

He frowns, turns around and leaves.

-

I have showered and changed clothes. I am wearing black skinny jeans and a black long sleeve. I go up the Eric's office. It is weird how the whole dauntless compound is dark, but this area is so bright with glass everywhere and white walls. It is like erudite has build this place.

I stand infront of Eric's door and knock. I don't hear anything and no one opens the door. I knock again and again. Nothing. I guess I have to wait. A woman with black hair and a pale face walks up to me.

'You have an appointment?' She asks.

'Yes,' I say. 'Eric told me to meet him in his office in the afternoon.'

'And what is your name, dear?'

'Ellis,' I say and look over her shoulder, because I saw someone passing by.

'So you are that Ellis.'

'What do you mean by that?' I ask maybe a bit too rude. She shrugs.

'Nothing.' She unlocks the door for me and I question why she has a key to his office. 'You can wait in his office.' And then she leaves.

I enter the room and close the door behind me. There is a big desk in the middle of the room with a chair behind it and two infront. I sit down behind the desk and wait. It takes a very long time and I am getting very bored. I open one of the drawers of the desk and get out a pencil and a piece of paper. I turn the piece of paper around to make sure I am not ruining anything important with my drawing, but then I see it. The list with names. It is titled: List of Divergents. My heart beats vast. My name is written down five times. Four of the five times it is crossed out, like he took me off and put me back on many times. He knows... He knows! I quickly put everything back in the drawer and that is when the door opens. Eric enters. He looks surprised to see me here.

'Who let you in?' He asks.

'This woman,' I say, not sure how to describe her.

'That must have been Maureen. I don't get why they give that woman a key to every office.' He walks over to me, pushes me softly out of his chair and sits down. 'Sit,' he says then, pointing a the chair opposite him. I do as he says so. I am a bit nervous and when I am I sit on my hands.

'I wanted to talk to you about the leadership program,' he begins and I nod. 'You still wanna go through with that?'

'I do,' I say.

'You know how to handle computers?'

'Not really,' I say and shrug.

'Then I am going to teach you. Come here.' He waves at me to come. I stand up and walk over to him. He puts his hands on my hips, spreads his legs and pulls me down, so I sit inbetween his legs. He pushes me a bit forward, so my butt doesn't touch his crotch. He leans forward to hold the computer mouse, whereby his chest presses against my back. I feel so weird. He opens an app that can calculate stuff and shows me how to work with it. When he is done he makes me hold the mouse and do the same thing. I get nervous of how he litterly breaths in my neck to look what I am doing. I am scared to make a mistake and disappoint him. But when I do make a mistake he kindly guides me through it. After a while I am pretty comfortable and the learning goes way faster. 

'We have to go to the dorm,' Eric says then. 'The rankings of part two are going to be shown.' I nod. I know I did well, so I'm not that worried.

We go down, but then I relise it will look weird if we enter together.

'I am going to get something from the cafeteria. I am hungry. I see you there,' I say and we split ways. I run to the cafeteria to get a muffin, because it will look weird If I get back without anything.

When I get back, chewing on a piece of banana muffin,  the rankings are already up. I stand on my toes to look over everyone's shoulder. I see that number one is Freddie, a dauntless born and then I look one down. It's me! I am second?! What? O my god I am second. I didn't expect that.

Everyone gives me weird glances. As if I don't deserve this, but no one -unlike last time - makes a big deal out of it. Eric and I lock eyes, but I look away quickly. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I kick my shoes off and get under the covers. Eric leaves. I want to be with him. I want to always be with him. Be able to kiss him, hug him and maybe even more.

Ross and Tori sit down on the side of my bed.

'Congrats,' they both say. I ignore them.

'I'm sorry,' Ross says. 'I shouldn't care about what you do in your life. Lets get a drink.'

'I just want to sleep. Maybe tomorrow,' I say.

'Okay.'