I'll Be Good

7

Kim and I are standing opposite of each other. We both have our hands up, ready to attack. When Four gives us a sign that we can begin, she immediately throws her fist at my face. I block it and with my other fist I hit her in her stomach. She breaths out loudly and I hit her again. In het face now, against her cheekbone. I hit her again. My fingers start hurting really bad. She tries to hit me, however, she is too slow, so I can block her with ease. I kick my leg up and hit her in het stomach. She falls down and I hit her over and over again. Blood squirts out of her nose. She screams. Hand fold over my upper arm and pull me away. I bump against Eric's chest.

'I would like to see you continue, but that's not in our training program,' he says. I swallow thickly and nod slowly. Adrenalin roars through my body. If killing someone will feel like this, it might not be so bad. Eric killed people, right? And he's fine. People escort Kim out of the training room.

-

I'm with Ross and Tori. There is a tension between them and me.

'Let's do something fun,' Tori says then. Ross and I look up. We are in the dormitory and just bought a gel for our hurt muscles. I rub the blue coloured gel onto my calves.

'What do you want to do?' Ross asks.

'Let's go to a bar, drink, listen to some music and maybe dance.'

'I'm not dancing,' Ross and I both say.

We go anyway.

I hate it here. There are too many people in a way too small room. Everyone is dancing against each other. We're sitting awkwardly by the bar. We all have a drink in our hands. I like the alcohol. It makes me feel slightly more numb. Then there is some commotion in the dancing crowd. Someone is making their way through the crowd. Then I see the glistening of piercings is the little light that there is in here. I stand up and put my drink down. Eric and I lock eyes. He stalks towards me and looks angry.

'Partying? Are you kidding me?' He says when he grabs my arm. He pulls me with him through the crowd. His arm is tight around my upper arm and I start to not feel my fingers. When we are outside he finally speaks up. 'What were you thinking. We had a plan.'

'I didn't know we would do it today,' I say weakly.

'Well, we are doing it today, so hurry the fuck up.'

He pulls me to the side of the compound were no one ever comes. There are cells down here too. We stop in front of a heavy looking door.

'Jacob is in here,' Eric says. He grabs keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door. He pushes it open. A shaking man is standing in the corner. Eric closes to door behind us. 'Good evening, Jacob,' Eric says with a smirk. 'This is Ellis.' Eric points at me. Then he takes a gun from the back of his hands and trusts it in my hands.

'Eric, you know I'm terrible at this,' I say weakly.

'Don't worry, not if the gun is against this head.'

The man starts to cry and to moan. 'Please don't do this. I don't deserve this.' He squeals. Eric ignores him completely. I stare at the gun in my hands. The metal is warm from Eric's body. Then Eric walks up to Jacob and pushes him down onto his knees.

'Ellis,' Eric says. 'Put the gun against his head.'

I do as he says so. I have no feelings at this moment. I'm a computer following orders.

'Pull the trigger.'

I breath in. I breath out. I pull the trigger. With a loud bang it falls onto the ground. It's a thing now. I can't call it a person, because it's just the shell. Nothing more. My hands start to tremble and in no time my whole body is shaking like crazy. Tears boils up in my eyes. My knees buckle and before I fall onto the ground, Eric catches me. I press my face against his chest and cry. I scream and push my hands into my stomach. Eric holds me tightly against him.