Devotion [h.s]

267

But then I let my thoughts simmer with Louis. I really thought about it for a while and understood that he never would want any of this to happen. He will never say it, but I know he cares for Briar and Amelia and would never want to cause them harm. He did what he did because at the end of the day he is apart of the gang and I'm the one that barely is anymore. I don't know why I expected that when I had a kid that everyone would stop being a gang and try to fix things too, because that's not how life works. Me having a family doesn't change who Louis or anyone else it in Malignant is; just me.

And when I finally saw him, he apologized immediately.

He walked in and told me how sorry he was for all of this, how when Niall told him everything he felt awful and didn't want to every put Amelia or Briar in this situation.

I didn't blind him, I forgave him.

I forgave him because of all the time I thought about it already and because he apologized immediately. He never apologizes, he's Louis. And at the end of the day it wasn't his fault Amelia was in a coma. She chose to run back into the house and risk her life, and for that I was so angry at her. That she thought sprinting back into a flaming wood cabin to grab a few pieces of paper was a good idea.

But then I understood why she did it, because I did the same thing.

I went down into the pit of Deception members that all wanted me dead, just to grab the note Elizabeth left me. I almost died doing that, I should've died doing that. It was a stupid thing for me to do, but I did it because I wasn't thinking and all I knew was that I couldn't let it go.

She knew how much that paper meant to me, and she knew how important the letter and the photograph was for her.

So she ran back in instinct.

We are both people that can't let go, and in the end it only gets us hurt. I went down into a pit of hell for a note and she ran into a burning hell to get a letter. We are alike in too many ways and as much as it angers me to know she did that, I understood it.

But if I was there I could've stopped her.

All it could've took was me to grab her and tell her that she has a daughter, that she is a mother who needs to stay healthy and alive for Briar. I know immediately that would've knocked her conscience back in place and she would've forgot about going back into the house. I know this because if someone reminded me that one day that I am a father then I wouldn't of went back underground to Deception. And it's not that we forget about Briar, it's that in such moments of intensity everything becomes clouded and all we know is that we need that one thing that's important to us.

Before Briar I was a guy that did anything to get what he wanted, not caring the slightest bit if I died in the process. I never once begged for my life, only Amelia and Briar's. When I was tied up in a torture chamber by Deception I was still never going to plead for them to not kill me - it's who I am and it's who I always will be. Many things change when you have a kid, but my substance is still my being and those can't just change with the flick of a switch.

And same for Amelia.

She still hasn't learned to not throw herself in deaths way for what she wants. She's continually put herself in the lines of fire so many times since I met her. But she didn't do it for the same reasons I did, she would do it because she cared to much about others. She ran for the letter and Elizabeth's note for me, she sacrificed herself for me two years ago when Colton had a gun to my head, she was going to run downstairs to a gunfight in order to make sure Audrey was okay, she's done so many things because she cares so much about others. It's who she always has been, and it's not easy to just put your own health first all the time.