Not This Time

Nina: January 30, 1987

     We'd gotten into Tyler, Texas about a quarter after five in the afternoon. I'd long since taken the necklace off and put it back in the box, but I hadn't gotten a chance to put the box in my backpack on the bus like I'd intended to do. The crew had come clomping off the bus and had insisted upon taking me out for drinks before I could even get anywhere near my bag. We'd already been in the bar for about an hour, and I was still very aware of the box with the necklace sitting in my coat pocket.
     The conversation had somehow managed to find its way onto the topic of the mysterious boyfriend I'd claimed to have but had never shown proof of. All I could think about as the crew discussed my reluctance to talk about my supposed boyfriend was the gift I'd gotten from my boyfriend. I'd promised him I'd find a way to be able to wear it without anyone suspecting that it came from him, but at the moment, I still wasn't sure how.
     "When do we get to meet him anyway, Madame Sound Tech?" Gunther asked, looking over at me from the seat next to me. I blinked myself out of my thoughts and returned his gaze. It took me a moment to realize that he'd just said they wanted to meet my boyfriend. If it wasn't any of Richie's business, then it definitely wasn't any of the crew's business.
     I raised an eyebrow at him and then looked around me at the crew. Those of them that were actually involved in the conversation were staring back expectantly, waiting for my answer. I scoffed, "What makes you guys think you get to meet him?"
     Keith, the crewman on the other side of me, laughed. "You're the only girl in our crew," he explained, "So it's kinda like you're our little sister. We gotta make sure this guy is suitable for you."
     I tossed my head back and laughed at that. "Bullshit!" I guffawed, returning my gaze to him with a grin, "I'm older than you Keith! And Finn!" I shook my head and laid my hands flat on the bar top in front of me. "If anything," I went on, "I'm like the mother of the group, so you boys don't get a say!" Everyone laughed a little at that.
     Gunther's words gave me an idea, though. If I told the crew that I was going to meet my boyfriend, then maybe it wouldn't look suspicious when I showed up at the hotel room with the new necklace on. No doubt they'd want to meet the guy, though. I'd have to come up with some guy to play the part so that nobody could suspect anyone in the band. That was gonna be the real trick. I wasn't sure how to get some stranger to get me away from the crew. I was probably gonna have to pay him. Great.
     "In any case," I sighed, pushing away from the bar and my barely-touched bottle of beer, "I should probably call him. He said he had a surprise planned for my birthday, whatever that means. I'll be right back." I hopped off my stool and headed over toward the bathrooms. There were three payphones in the hall between the doors into the gender specific restrooms.
     I took the phone closest to the men's bathroom. It was out of the line of sight of the bar, so the crew wouldn't see what I was doing. Still, I picked up the phone and pretended to be on it anyway as I waited for someone, anyone really, to come out of the men's room. I waited for a few minutes. A girl came out of the ladies' room and smiled at me as I pretended to listen to something on the phone.
     I shouldn't have said anyone. The first guy that came out of the men's room was a total mess. I couldn't tell if his hair was greasy or if he'd applied way too much gel. Either way, it was very unattractive. Keeping my eyes on the payphone keypad, I grimaced at the overwhelming stink of bad weed as he passed me. I let out my breath and glanced over my shoulder at where he'd gone, just in time to see a guy heading my way, toward the bathrooms.
     The second guy was much better kempt than the first guy. He gave me a once over as he approached, running a hand through his hair like he thought he was the be-all, end-all of men. I rolled my eyes and took a breath. I wasn't likely to cross paths with someone as tolerable in the limited time that I could use this phone as an excuse for being over there.
     "Hey, um," I began as he passed me. He stopped and gave me a smug smirk.
     "What's up, sexy?" he crooned.
     With another roll of my eyes, I groaned, "Nevermind." His smirk vanished and he frowned at me, looking back over his shoulder at me as he pushed the door to the men's room open. I was wrong. He wasn't tolerable. He reminded me too much of Blondie.
     I leaned against the payphone and shook my head. Why was I doing this? I didn't want to be here when that guy came back out. I doubt anyone else would be in and out of there in the short amount of time it took for that guy to pee. I was screwed.
     Or maybe not. A different guy stepped out of the restroom. I was in luck too; he wasn't too bad to look at. He kinda looked like Elijah Wood. On top of that, he didn't seem like he'd be cocky. In fact, something about him screamed 'friendly'. Maybe I was imagining that though. In any case, I reached out and tapped his arm as he started past me. When he stopped next to me, I pointed to the wall next to the phone, glancing over my shoulder. The guy followed my gaze for a minute, gave me a confused look, and then leaned on the wall next to the payphone.
     "Sorry," I muttered to him, still holding the phone to my ear, "I'm not really on the phone. I'm trying to look like I'm talking to someone. Could you help me out?"
     The guy stared at me for a minute. "Do I know you?" he asked, crossing his arms. I shook my head.
     "No, I'm not from around here," I whispered. Understatement of the year. Twiddling the phone cord in my fingers, I nodded toward the bar. "The twelve guys at the bar brought me here for a birthday celebration-"
     "Oh, happy birthday," he interrupted.
     I snickered a little, and shrugged. "Thanks. Uh, the thing is, I need an excuse to get away from them. That's where you come in." I hesitated, having last-minute second thoughts about how I was going to do this. After another second, I scoffed at myself and offered him an awkward smile. "This is gonna sound crazy," I began again, "Very crazy, but if you pretend to be my boyfriend and help me get out of here, I'll give you a hundred dollars."
     The guy's eyebrows went up in surprise, but then he smiled. He looked kind of amused and flattered at once. I bit my lip but watched him shift on his feet awkwardly. For a moment, he just stared. We both looked over at the second guy I'd spoken to as he stepped out of the restroom and around us with a grumble.
     I looked back at the guy in front of me to find him still staring at the other guy. When he finally tore his eyes away and brought his attention back at me, he grinned again as if the sight of me had reminded him of my ridiculous request. He closed his eyes and shook his head with a slight chuckle. He probably still couldn't believe I'd asked him that. Hell, I couldn't believe I'd asked him that.
     "Okay, so.....what?" he snickered.
     "I know," I retorted, "I know it's ridiculous, but I have reasons.." I trailed off at the sight of his expression. He looked like he wanted to know the reasons, which I couldn't tell him, of course. I grinned some more and shook my head, "Very complicated reasons. Too complicated to explain."
     "Convenient," he laughed. He didn't seem put off by that though. He hadn't said he'd help me, but he sure didn't seem like he wouldn't either. The conversation was coming surprisingly easy, like we'd known each other our entire lives. He shrugged, his arms still crossed, and nodded. "Yeah, sure," he agreed after a minute of mutual giggling, "Why not help you out? You seem like a nice girl."
     "I am a nice girl!" I assured him with another grin, "I just need to get away."
     "I totally get it!" he replied, throwing his hands up to either side of his head, "What do you need me to do?"
     I smiled at him and leaned on the payphone. "In about a half hour, would you send me a glass of pinot noir rosé? I'll pay you back for it," I promised, "When I turn around and act surprised, come up to the bar. As far as the guys will know, you're my boyfriend who's in town on business and knew we were gonna be here at the same time," I said, skillfully spitting out complete crap at the drop of a hat, "Unfortunately, you're leaving tomorrow, so we're gonna get out of here before there are any serious questions."
     The guy nodded through my whole explanation and then smiled a little. "I've got a serious question," he said.
     "What's that?" I prompted.
     "What's your name?"
     I closed my eyes and shook my head, embarrassed. "Right," I chuckled, "I'm Nina Artelle."
     "Great to meet you, Nina," he responded with a chuckle, "I'm Jamie Mylner." Still holding the phone to my ear, I shook Jamie's hand with a smile. He looked past me at the bar and then smiled. "I'll see you in a half hour then, girlfriend."
     I smirked at his words as he walked away. I couldn't believe I'd just convinced some stranger to pretend to be my boyfriend. This whole situation was crazy. The things I did for love. I stayed at the phone for another few minutes, thinking about my actual boyfriend, and trying not to think about how much time was left until April.
     When I got back to the bar, Gunther didn't even let me sit down before he insisted that I get up onstage and sing a song. Someone had cleared it with the band, but nobody had asked me if I even wanted to. And I didn't. They kept pleading and pleading. At one point, I'm pretty sure the bartender even asked me nicely. I don't know how long they persisted, or even how they did it really, but they must have managed to convince me because the next thing I knew I was onstage next to the guitarist asking if he knew Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.
     I wasn't sure why that song appealed to me at the moment, but it felt right. I pulled up a stool and took a seat next to the guitarist onstage as he introduced me, though I wasn't listening to a word he said. Just being up there was taking me back to when I sang at that bar in Hoboken, back before Jon and I got together, back when everything was simpler. As the guitar part started, I glanced over and scooted the mic stand a little closer to me.
     "I took my love. I took it down," I sang, getting situated on my stool again. "Climbed a mountain and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills. 'Til a landslide brought me down," I continued, unfazed by the minor chatter that was going on under my singing. I was in my own world, lost in my own thoughts; none of the people in the crowd bothered me. "Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?" I sang, "Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?"
     The guitarist played on. I paused because that's how Stevie did it in the song, but as I hummed the next little bit, the lyrics really hit me. Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the season of my life? Can I cope with everything changing around me? Can I?
     It all made sense now why this was the first song to come to mind. I connected to it so well. The words of the chorus, as I sang them, were dead on with everything happening to me. Matt wanting me to leave. Dorothea coming back. Jon telling me he loved me. They were all tides, seasons. I didn't want things to change. Jon and his happiness were the focus of my life; I was afraid of what might happen to that happiness if I changed his life with Dorothea, but that didn't mean I wanted my life with him to change.
     I paused again for a longer instrumental break. Another guitarist to my left joined in on an electric guitar, playing the soft solo over the acoustic guitar on my right. I smiled over my shoulder at the second guitarist, despite the thoughts that were still swimming around my head.
     There was nothing I could do. Things change. Even I changed, I mean, it was my birthday. I was growing up and turning into someone else. The only question was who that person would be. There was little doubt in my mind that I knew what had to be done. I was getting older; I had to be more mature, had to learn how to let go. That was all there was to it.
     I blinked out of my thoughts as the guitarist finished his solo. "Well, I've been afraid of changin' cause I've built my life around you," I sang, repeating the chorus, "But time makes you bolder. Even children get older. I'm getting older too. Oh, I'm getting older too."
     Nobody was talking now as I sang. As flattering as it was, all I could offer the crowd was a sad smile. Everything was changing, even if I was the only one who knew it.
     "Aah-oh, take my love. Take it down," I sang gently, "Aah-oh, climb a mountain and turn around. And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well the landslide'll bring you down." I took a breath and finished strong, even if I wasn't sure I felt like doing so. "And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills," I held out the last word before continuing, "Well a landslide'll bring you down. Oh-hoh, a landslide'll bring you down."
     There was a light wave of applause, but, just like the chatter, it didn't affect me. I smiled a little in acknowledgement, but as I started to get off the stool, the guitarist grabbed my mic from its stand and started singing Happy Birthday into it, waving frantically for everyone to join in. The crowd in front of the stage sang along reluctantly but were completely upstaged by the crew shouting inharmoniously from the seats along the bar. I couldn't help but laugh.
     The crew had calmed down a little by the time I'd skirted the dining area and gotten back to the bar. I had only just sat down when the bartender came waltzing up to me with a glass of wine in his hand. The drink was a medium pink color. A rosé. Oh man. I hadn't even realized how much time had passed.
     "This is from the man at the table over there," the bartender informed me, pointing over my shoulder with the hand that wasn't sliding the glass of wine across the bar toward me. I picked up the glass and turned to look where he was pointing, fully aware of what I was about to see. Gunther and Keith turned with me, both searching the crowd for some face that only I would recognize.
     I watched Jamie get up from a table toward the middle of the room. As he stepped toward us more, I gasped, pretending to be surprised. I set the glass of wine down on the bar and hopped off my barstool. I could tell the crew was watching in confused curiosity as I threw my arms around Jamie and gave him a giant hug like we really had known each other our whole lives.
     "You didn't tell me you were here!" I exclaimed, letting my hands trail down his arms before clasping his hands.
     Playing his part, Jamie smiled back. "I'm in town for work. When I found out you were coming to town too, I had to stick around an extra day so I could see you," he explained, brushing some of my hair back and tucking it behind my ear. It was almost unsettling how well he pretended. Then he grinned more and winked at me.
     Gunther cleared his throat to get my attention. "Are you gonna introduce us?" he scoffed when I looked back over at him. I smirked and dropped one of Jamie's hands so that we could both turn toward the crew.
     "Well," I began, speaking to Jamie, "This is the crew I work and travel with." Then I turned to the guys at the bar. "And this is my boyfriend, Jamie. The guy I've been telling you about all tour," I lied, "He said he had a surprise for my birthday, but I didn't know he meant this!" Jamie let go of my hand and put his arm around my shoulders for show. Thank God for all those times I'd had to force a smile with Maribelle; all that practice kept my discomfort from leaking through the excited grin I'd pasted on.
     Jamie raised his free hand and glanced at his wrist very quickly. I couldn't tell if there was actually a watch there or not, but that didn't stop him from pretending there was. "Do you mind if I steal her for the rest of the night?" he asked the crew, "I've got a plane to catch tomorrow and I really want to spend some time with her before I have go."
     It was amazing how naturally lying came to this stranger I'd picked out. I wasn't sure whether it made me distrust or admire him. Either way, I ripped my gaze away from him and gave the crew an urgent nod with pleading eyes. Keith frowned a little, but looked over at Gunther. Mikey, on the other side of him, scoffed and told us to get out of here already.
     "You need to get laid anyway," he finished with a smirk. I glared at him, but Jamie slapped my hand down when I brought it up to flip the crewman off. Mikey snickered when I sneered in his general direction.
     I brought my attention back to Gunther and smiled a little. "Tell The Bozz I'll be back before we go to the Palace tomorrow," I instructed. Gunther gave me a small salute and told me to have fun. I smiled a little and waved to the rest of they guys as Jamie started toward the door, dragging me along behind him. "See ya guys, thank you!"
     "Ditcher!" someone shouted.
     "Happy birthday!" Finn's voice called, which brought on a discordant chorus of the same phrase.
     With that, I laughed and turned to follow Jamie out. As soon as we were out the door and it was closed behind us, Jamie and I let go of each other's hands. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. I motioned for him to walk with me as I reached into my pocket take out my wallet. Well, I'd meant to grab my wallet, but instead I pulled out the necklace box as we strolled down the sidewalk.
     "Oh, right. Now I can put this on," I mumbled to myself, gingerly taking the necklace out of the box. Jamie looked over and his eyes grew wide, but a small smile was spreading across his face. I smirked at his expression and stuck the box back into my pocket. "My real boyfriend got it for me," I explained as I blindly clasped the necklace around my neck.
     "Wow," he breathed, "That's gorgeous!"
     "Isn't it?" I giggled, "He's got great taste."
     Jamie nodded and then raised an eyebrow. "So where is he on your birthday?" he challenged playfully. I smiled a little.
     "Working," I admitted in complete honesty. I shrugged. "But it's okay, because I'm working on his birthday too." Jamie grinned and then looked down at the sidewalk as we walked. In the brief silence that followed, I reached into my pocket again and actually pulled out my wallet this time so that I could count out his money for him.
     "Speaking of that," Jamie started shyly, "you said you were gonna be at the Palace tomorrow. Did you mean the Oil Palace?" I paused, mid-count, and smiled over at him with a nod. His eyes grew wide again as another grin brightened his face. "So you're here with Bon Jovi? You tour with Bon Jovi?"
     I giggled a little at his excitement and nodded again. "Yeah, are you a fan?"
     "Yeah, but not nearly as much as my boyfriend," he replied. I tilted my head, still smiling. Oh, well that explained some things. He seemed pleasantly surprised at my lack of overreaction but didn't comment on it. Instead, he went on about his boyfriend. "He's out of the country right now visiting his grandparents," Jamie explained, "But he's got this huge crush on Jon. He was really bummed when I told him that Bon Jovi was coming to town."
     I frowned a little. "Yeah, that sucks," I agreed before looking down and thumbing through the bills to make sure I had the right amount, "When's he coming back?"
     "Not for another month yet," Jamie said, watching me. He let out a slight laugh, "He's gonna flip when I tell him about this. How I got a girlfriend for a night." I grinned and giggled at the thought too. I started to hold the money out to him, and was going to thank him when he slowed to a halt and turned to me. "Do you think, instead of paying me, you could help me get him a shirt from the show?" he asked.
     I stared at him for a minute, still holding the money out halfway between us. Slowly, a knowing smirk grew across my face. I laughed a little. Could I? I could do a lot more than get him a shirt. I could probably convince Jon to sign it. In all honesty, I could probably get Jon to come down and meet him, but I wasn't gonna promise that.
     "Um, I bet I can do you one better than that," I offered, "I'm pretty good friends with the band. I could probably get Jon to sign it for him."
     Another look of surprise crossed Jamie's face, not unlike the one he'd had when I'd asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend. He crossed his arms and grinned. "Well, he would only love you forever," he snickered.
     I shook my head. "Nah, he would only love you forever," I corrected, "I'm gonna be long gone before he gets back and you're gonna be the hero that brought him a signed Bon Jovi tee shirt." I couldn't help but smile at the excited grin that had formed on his face at the thought of that. I put the money into my coat pocket and waved him along as I continued down the block to the hotel. "Come on," I said.
     By the time Jamie Mylner left the hotel, he'd not only gained an autographed Bon Jovi tee shirt with Jon's face on it, but he'd also successfully convinced The Bozz that he was, indeed, my boyfriend, despite the fact that he most certainly was not. I'd walked out of the hotel with him, but when we got to the bus, we parted ways.
     "Thank you so much, Jamie," I said, leaning on the bus door, "You've been more help tonight than you can begin to imagine."
     He held up the tee shirt, still admiring Jon's face and his signature right next to it. "Marcus is gonna love this," he beamed, "Thank you." I didn't respond, just smiled. He draped the shirt over his arm and smiled back. "Why did you need to get away anyway?" he asked.
     I smiled more and looked away. Whoo. Where to begin on that answer? I stifled a laugh and finally looked back at him with an amused shake of my head. "Oh, Jamie," I sighed, "That is a long story. And I've got work tomorrow."
     Jamie chuckled, "Alright then, keep your secrets. Maybe next time."
     "Maybe next time," I agreed as he started stepping backwards, away from me, "See ya."
     I was looking down at the ground, playing with my necklaces as he walked away. I didn't realize until that moment that the elegance of the silver chain clashed with the leather cord that held the guitar pick around my neck. I reached under my hair and untied the cord. The little red pick resting in my hand, I smiled at the necklace and the memories attatched to it.
     My other hand reached up and traced the chain of the necklace Jon had given me as I looked up at the hotel. Oh, Jon. Part of me wanted to be upstairs with him. Another part of me wanted to leave now and spare myself any further torment. I closed my eyes as the chorus of that song ran through my head again.
     I've been afraid of changin' cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Even children get older. I'm getting older too.
     Opening my eyes, I stared at the pavement. I had to stop pretending. That's what had to happen. I had to stop pretending and grow up. I had to learn to let go.
     "Happy birthday, girlfriend," Jamie called back to me, pulling me out of my head. I looked up with a smile and waved. Then, stuffing the pick into my coat pocket, I went inside the bus.