Not This Time

Jon: July 14, 2013

   "Wow," I whispered as Dotty and I followed Nina into her apartment. Nina tossed her backpack onto her couch and continued across the room toward the windows opposite the door. The floorplan was not the same as her apartment in the 80s, but the feel still was. There was a keyboard and a small desk in one corner by the windows. A record player sat on the wall across from that. The kitchen was to my left as we came through the door and Nina's bedroom door stood slightly open not far from that. Most of the light in the main room was coming in through the large windows at which Nina stood, overlooking the a few streets and the Hudson River.
     I smiled to myself as I closed the door behind me. "This brings back memories," I mumbled, still looking around. Dotty set her big bag next to Nina's backpack and looked around too. Nina turned away from the windows and looked back at me in confusion. "You've never been here before." I couldn't tell if that was a question or a statement. "It's not the same apartment, she reminded me, "Hell, it's not even the same part of town."
     "But it's still yours," I countered with a grin, pointing around the room as I announced the similarities between the two apartments. "Blanket on the couch," I laughed, "Still only one TV tray. Record player by your bedroom door." I stepped over to the kitchen and opened the cabinet next to the refrigerator as I turned back to them. "And all the alcohol."
     Nina stepped into my view, holding open a small book, and nodded toward the cabinet I was holding open. "Look again," she instructed.
     I turned to look at the contents of the cabinet. There were boxes of macaroni and cheese, various canned foods, a container of rice, and an assortment of herbs and spice in little jars. I turned back to the cabinet and frowned in confusion. With a glance back at Nina, I closed that cabinet and opened the one on the other side of the vent hood to find similar contents.
     "You don't drink?" I asked, looking in two other cabinets before turning back to look at her again. Dorothea was shaking her head at me. She was probably embarrassed that I was going through Nina's kitchen.
     With an amused chortle, Nina clapped the little book in her hand shut and shook her head. She joined me in the kitchen, still shaking her head as she set the little book down on the breakfast bar counter.
     "I would probably be dead by now if I didn't drink," she chuckled, opening up a lower cabinet underneath the counter that separated the kitchen from the main room. She pulled out a few bottles of liquor, a couple bottles of wine, and tray that held a variety of different drinking glasses. Then she looked up at us with a small smile. "I've never gotten to use this set before."
     I joined her at the breakfast bar and started looking through the bottles she had set up on the counter. Scotch. Vodka. Tequila. Brandy. Rum. I picked up that last bottle and held it up a little.
     "I thought you didn't like rum," I commented, looking over at her.
     "Only with Coke," she mumbled, pulling some mixers out of her bottom cabinet as well. She looked directly at me when she went on, "It's also the only time I really like Coke." With that, she closed her cabinet doors and nodded to Dotty. "Would you like anything? A glass of wine?"
     "Whatever you've got," Dorothea responded politely, still looking around.
     "She likes this," I whispered to Nina, pushing a bottle of Merlot toward her.
     Nina gave me a sidelong glance and started getting a glass together for Dotty. As she did this, I noticed there was something missing from Nina's little liquor collection.
     "You don't have gin," I observed, nodding to the bottles.
     She didn't even look up as she poured Dotty's glass. "Nobody drinks gin."
     I leaned on the counter and stared at her like she was crazy. She ignored me for a minute, recorking the Merlot. I could tell she knew I was staring, but she still didn't look over at me for a good long minute.
     "You drank gin," I reminded her, "You were the only person I knew who drank it straight, you weirdo."
     Nina was quiet for another minute. "I haven't had gin in a long time," she muttered. I wanted to ask, but she seemed pretty sad and, knowing Nina, she probably didn't want to talk about it. She bit her lip and finally looked up at me. "Never knew why the taste made me sad."
     What was I supposed to say to that? I felt horrible that I'd brought it up. Nina took a deep breath and gave me a brave, tight-lipped smile. All I could do was stare. I wanted to say I knew how she felt, but I had no idea if I actually did. I'd been crushed when she left. I'd been devastated that I'd lost the woman I'd thought I was going to spend my life with. But was that the same as what she was feeling now? Was it, really?
     "What do you want?" she asked, motioning to the bottles in front of us. I blinked and looked down at them too, still a little distracted.
     "Uh, some of that Merlot would be fine," I said hesitantly. Nina nodded and uncorked the bottle again before reaching for another wine glass. She poured me a glass of wine and slid it a couple inches in my direction. Then she picked up the bottle of scotch, grabbed the little book she'd left on the counter a few minutes ago, and waltzed over to her couch.
     I picked up both glasses of wine and followed her into her living room just as she dropped that little book onto her coffee table. Dotty smiled gratefully when I handed her the glass Nina had poured for her. Nina unscrewed the cap of her scotch bottle and took a sip before sinking onto the short end of her sectional.
     "Jon, you got that book?" Nina asked, staring at the little book on the table.
     "Uh, yeah." I looked at Dotty. I'd asked her to bring it. "Did you leave it in the car?"
     Dotty shook her head and pointed to her bag with her free hand. "It's in there."
     I stepped around the sectional, set my glass down on the coffee table, and sat down next to my wife's giant bag. I guess it would have to be pretty big in order to completely fit that book. It wasn't a small book. I pulled it out and held it out across the coffee table to Nina. She sat up for a moment just so she could take the book from me, then she immediately slouched back into her position and propped her feet up on her coffee table.
     Dotty came around the couch as I got up. She followed me over to the curve in the sectional and we both sat down. Nina was looking through the book with a blank expression. Every once in a while, she would stop and read a little, and sometimes she would skip large chunks, but for the most part, she just kept turning page after page. She paused when she got to the first set of paper clipped pages and looked up at me questioningly.
     "Things I didn't want anyone else reading," I told her gently. Dotty knew what was in those pages, but it still felt weird talking about those memories with her sitting right next to me. "Things like, uh," I hesitated, "Valentine's day and my birthday."
     She closed her eyes. She knew exactly what I was talking about. With a quick shake of her head, she continued flipping pages. I glanced at Dotty. She didn't seem bothered at all by that exchange. No surprise, I guess, since she'd been putting up with me trying to figure everything out for so long. My eyes fell to my wine glass sitting on the other end of the coffee table.
     "Could you get that for me?" I whispered to my wife, pointing to the glass.
     As Dotty handed me my glass of wine, Nina scoffed. She looked like she was in her own little world, completely unconcerned with us as she thumbed through the book. After another minute or so of turning pages, she sat up and fanned through the rest of the book quickly. Dotty and I watched her shake her head and slam the back cover closed.
     She dropped the book I'd handed to her on the coffee table and picked up the little one she had set there earlier. She looked a little angry as she flipped through that book as well. She was still looking at it when she took another sip of scotch. I was just about to ask her what the little book was when she closed it and set it on the couch next to her.
     "Good read, huh?" I joked. I had no idea why I said it. Nobody laughed, of course. Not even me. Nina looked over with watery eyes. She was blinking like crazy, trying to keep them in.
     She nodded and took another drink. "You know what that is?" she asked, pointing to the little book next to her. I shook my head, and she nodded again, pointing to the big book on the coffee table. "It's my notes for that. My therapist wanted me to keep a dream journal because I was having weird dreams. I'd wake up with tears still on my face," she explained, "I was dreaming about us." She took another drink and got up. "Fucking hate this," she grumbled under her breath.
     We watched her pull her phone out of her pocket. She didn't do anything with it, just gripped it in her hand. I glanced at Dotty briefly. She was watching Nina too. I don't think either of us were really sure what to do. Even Nina looked extremely conflicted.
     Finally, she let out a reluctant sigh and started around the end of the sectional. "Please make yourselves at home," she said with a glance in our direction, "If you want to put on some music or watch TV or something, feel free." She was typing something into her phone as she slaked toward her bedroom. "You can play my keyboard, if you want. I don't care," she went on distractedly, "Whatever you want."
     "Where are you going?" I asked.
     She stopped in her doorway and looked back at us. She still looked a little angry, but more than that, she looked sad. Very, very sad.
     "I told you once that I was going to tell you everything about my past and Matt and everything after it was all over," she stated.
     "Yeah, I thought the book--"
     "If I'm gonna keep that promise," she continued, cutting me off, "I need to know the whole truth. And to do that, I need to make a phone call. So just....hang out here. I'll be back in a minute or two."
     She didn't let me protest before she went into her room and closed the door. I turned back around to face the TV. I wasn't really sure what that was all about. I was starting to feel a little helpless, and I really hated that feeling. I took a sip of wine and looked over, once again, at my wife. Dotty was staring down at her wine with an unidentifiable expression.
     "You don't have to like her, y'know," I told her quietly.
     Dotty looked up at me and shook her head. "It's not that," she replied. She smiled, but it was a sad, sympathetic smile. "She seems like someone I could even be friends with, it's just.." She trailed off as she thought about how to put what she was about to say. "I'm not on the same page as you two and she's going through so much right now. I....I don't think I can even begin to imagine what that's like."
     I put my arm around her and hugged her to me. "Yeah," I sighed, "I know how you feel."
     We both turned to look when we heard shouting coming from Nina's bedroom. We couldn't hear any clear words, but the tone was definitely angry. I was grateful that I wasn't on the receiving end of it this time. If I had one guess who was, I knew who I would pick.
     I took another sip of my wine, trying very hard not to look over my shoulder at Nina's door while we waited. The shouting had already stopped and the room was unsettlingly quiet. Dotty and I exchanged glances again and I raised my eyebrows over my glass, trying to ease the tension a little as I took a drink. Dotty smiled a little and mirrored me, drink and all.
     Nina's bedroom door opened suddenly, startling me. Dotty and I both turned to look again. Nina was standing just outside, waving back into the room. I jumped out of my seat in surprise when a short young woman with shoulder-length brown hair came out of the darkness of Nina's room. She looked very familiar to me, but I hadn't been expecting to see anyone else come out of Nina's room.
     Nina cleared her throat expectantly and nodded toward Dotty and me. She was still glaring back into her room. Slowly, hesitantly, a male figure emerged from her room and stepped into the light. I could feel my expression harden into a glare as well. Matt.
     He met my eyes and he gaped a little. He seemed surprised to see me. I just glared. I had never really liked Matt. After reading that book, I didn't feel all that much better about him. It had potentially answered some of my questions, but I didn't necessarily want to believe the book. I wanted real straightforward answers. Especially after what happened to Nina the other night.
     Nina still looked furious. She'd always known so much more than I ever did, even when we were still living it. Somehow she still knew more about what was going on than I did. I wanted to make sure Dotty wasn't overwhelmed, but I didn't dare take my eyes off Matt for a second. I still didn't trust him even the tiniest bit.
     Matt held his hands up in surrender. "Look, I understand that nobody's happy with me," he began.
     "Damn straight," I spat.
     Matt paused and pursed his lips for a second before continuing. "I fully intend to tell you all everything, but if I know anything about you," he said, pointing at me, "it's that you're stubborn! And I don't want to tell you everything only for you to not believe it. I'd like to have this conversation somewhere you'll recognize. I'd like to take you back to Nina's apartment."
     Dotty stood and turned to face him as well. "We're in Nina's apartment."
     "Her apartment in the 80s," Matt clarified.
     I narrowed my eyes at Matt. What was he playing at? I'd bought the deed from the old man who'd been renting it to her and then sold it again later. That building had been replaced by a high-rise condominium ages ago.
     "That apartment doesn't exist anymore," I informed him, "That building was torn down in 1991."
     "Time machine," Matt mumbled with a shrug, still holding his hands up in surrender. "I know you don't believe that, but it's that's exactly why I want to prove it to you."
     I could feel my jaw clenching. I was very aware that everyone was looking at me. Except Nina. Nina was still glaring at Matt. She still looked pissed, but she also looked like she wanted to cry. Like she was trying not to. I shook my head. How was I supposed to just trust him when she was looking at him like that?
     "How do I know this isn't a trick too?" I asked, finally looking back at Matt.
     "He wouldn't dare," Nina growled.
     "He'd better know better by now," the brunette warned, glaring at Matt as well. Right. Emma was her name. Matt's girlfriend.
     Matt looked between the two of them and dropped his hands. "Lay off!" he protested, "I'm doing the best I can here!" He pointed to Emma. "And I've already apologized!"
     Matt glared at his girlfriend for a moment and she glared right back, arms crossed. I had no idea what that was about, but apparently she was pissed with Matt too. Couldn't say I was surprised.
     Finally, Matt dropped his glare and turned back to me with an apologetic look that almost appeared sincere. "I wouldn't dare risk hurting Nina more than I already have," he said gently.
     I remembered the last time he'd made promises like that and gotten Nina's hopes up. He'd said he was going to leave her alone. Of course, he didn't. He'd just waited long enough for her to put her guard down. I didn't believe him this time either.
     "We're four against one," Emma piped up. She spoke less aggressively to me, but her attitude still leaked through when she looked back at Matt. "If he tries anything funny we can overpower him and I can fly us back."
     Dotty choked a little on the sip of wine she'd just taken. "Fly?"
     Matt waved for us all to follow him as he turned away from us to walk back into Nina's bedroom with a sigh, "Come on."
     Dotty and I exchanged glances. I couldn't tell if that apprehension in her eyes was excitement or nerves. With a sigh, I downed my glass of wine. Emma followed Matt and Nina stared at Dotty and me for a moment.
     "If you never want to talk to me again, after this, I completely understand," she mumbled.
     I looked over at Dotty one more time. She drained her glass too and took mine out of my hand. I watched her set them down on the coffee table and pick up the big book Nina had left me. She hugged the book to herself and looked over at me with a smile.
     With a small smile back, I took her hand and we both walked around Nina's couch to follow Nina into her bedroom. I stopped short in the doorway. There was a machine in there..for lack of a better way to describe it. It looked kind of like an elevator without the cables. The doors were standing open, revealing Matt at a small control panel on the side and Emma leaning against the mirrored back wall.
     "What the fuck is that?" Dotty whispered to me.
     "I have no idea," I breathed back.
     I have a teleporter.
     Matt's words from the first time we met rang in my head out of the blue. I honestly couldn't believe I remembered them. They were just so off the wall. I'd thought it was a joke then, but I was standing in front of it; I couldn't deny what my eyes were seeing.
     "Time machine," Matt declared, leaning out a little and waving us in, "Come on."
     Nina glanced at us and stepped into the weird elevator thing without hesitation. She looked completely unfazed by this whole situation. Somehow, the fact that she was so unconcerned about it made believing that book a whole lot easier.
     Dotty looked up at me, making sure we were actually going to do this. I had to admit, I was intrigued. Dotty squeezed my hand reassuringly. I smiled at her. As long as she was there with me, I could go anywhere. I looked back at the machine. Nina was staring back with a blank expression, hiding those emotions I knew she was feeling. I held tight to Dotty's hand and we stepped in with them.
     Matt pressed a button and the doors slid closed in front of us. He offered a tight-lipped smile to the group and announced, "1986, here we come."