Not This Time

Jon: October 12, 1985

     They were all the way across the room, but it was definitely Richie and Diane. At first, I didn't think much of my girlfriend talking to my best friend. Then she kissed him. Diane kissed Richie.
     Surprised, I stopped and hung back to watch what happened. I watched through the crowd as Richie pushed Diane away and said something to her, shaking his head. Diane smiled seductively and shrugged, shaking her head as well as she responded. I took a few tentative steps forward, wishing I could hear what they were saying to each other.
     Richie gave her a warning look as she spoke and then he frowned. Nervously, he looked up over Diane's head and then around the room. I could tell Richie was keeping an eye out for me. Diane slid her hands up Richie's chest and looped her arms around his neck. Richie absently wrapped his arms around Diane's waist so that it looked like they were dancing.
     I watched Diane whisper something that brought Richie's attention back to her. I had seen the look on my friend's face before. He always wore it when he wanted something..or someone, in most cases. Richie squeezed his eyes shut and frowned at himself. He looked conflicted to me.
     Richie said something that looked like "I can't" before letting go of Diane and holding her at arm's length. She said something back to him and he got that look again. I couldn't tell what she was saying, but I was pretty sure I'd figured out what they were talking about. I watched as my girlfriend leaned close to Richie and whispered something in his ear. Richie closed his eyes at the thought of whatever Diane had said to him. Then he opened them, and stepped away from her, backing away awkwardly.
     I couldn't get the memory out of my head. It just played over and over again as I climbed the stairs to the room Diane and I shared. I had told her a half hour ago that I was going to crash, but I hadn't gone straight up to our room. I'd gone into the hotel bar for a glass of wine first, to help me sleep.
     Now, as I got to my floor, with that stupid memory repeating constantly in my mind, I knew no amount of wine would help. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I paused in front of Richie's door and stared at it. I glanced down the hall at the room I shared with Diane a few doors down before bringing my eyes back to his door.
     I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on. I knew Richie. I knew Richie better than I knew Diane. I didn't want to think that he would do something like this to me. I also knew, however, that Diane Lane was one of the most desired women in America. I knew it. She knew it. Dotty had known it. There was no way Richie didn't.
     I pulled out my key cards. One was for the room Diane had gotten for us, the other was for the room I was supposed to be in if Diane wasn't with us. If Diane wasn't following the tour to be with me, I would have been sharing a room with Richie for this leg. I stared at the cards and then up at the door.
     Making up my mind, I stepped toward the door. If this was how it was going to end, I just wanted to get it over with. I took a deep breath and held a straight face. I didn't want to just start throwing around accusations, but I couldn't help still seeing that scene from the party playing out once again in my head.
     I picked one of the cards and tried it in the slot, not really sure if it was the right one. The little light turned red and I pulled the card out to try the other. I could hear movement from inside. With this card, the door unlocked and fell open as I leaned on it.
     I had braced myself for the scene that I literally stumbled upon, but it still made me angry. I let go of the door and it closed behind me as I stared at the two of them. Richie holding the comforter around his waist, frozen in the middle of rising to his feet, and Diane holding the underlying sheet around herself. Both of them stared back in surprise.
     "Jon," Richie started, but I brought a hand up to stop him. He shut his mouth and looked down at the floor. When I looked over at Diane, she looked annoyed. There wasn't even a hint of guilt in her expression; no, it was all over Richie's face.
     I put my hands on my hips and stared at the ground, trying to figure out what I wanted to say in this situation. I'd spent the entire trip up the stairs preparing myself for this, but now that I was here, I had no idea what to do. I was too angry. I felt blindsided, but, much to my surprise, this didn't hurt as much as I'd expected it to. It did hurt, but not nearly as much as losing Dorothea had.
     I looked up at Diane for a minute with a straight face and then looked away. I was too pissed to even look at her. I shook my head and frowned at the wall with a tired sigh. Even now, my mind was still playing the scene I'd witnessed at the party.
     I rubbed my hands over my face and then glared over at Richie. "How long have you been fucking my girlfriend?" I spat.
     "It was just this once," Diane piped up in Richie's defense, "Don't blame him, I seduced him."
     "Thanks, Richie," I growled, turning my glare on Diane, "I hadn't thought of that." I returned my attention to my guitarist and raised an eyebrow.
     "I'm sorry, Jon," he said solidly, looking up at me, "I promise, it was just this once, and I tried to talk her out of it."
     "But she talked you into it," I finished for him, starting to step forward and then stopping myself.
     Richie nodded in shame, looking down at the floor. I frowned at the two of them. No matter how angry I was at Richie, I could tell he hadn't done this to mess with me. It wasn't jealousy. It was just Diane.
     I shook my head and crossed my arms. "Well, we've got two options," I told them, "Either Richie can get out of here so that Diane and I can talk, or Diane and I can talk in her room down the hall." I shrugged. "You two decide, since it was you guys who decided to do this."
     Richie looked between me and Diane. Finally he sat back down on his bed and glanced over his shoulder at her. "You've already talked me into messing up my friendship," he said to her quietly, "I'm gonna stay in my room and keep what little pride I have left. You get out."
     I watched as Diane gaped at him. She frowned and pulled the sheet out from underneath him as she stood. I glanced at Richie as Diane picked up her clothes. She walked straight past me, still holding the sheet around herself, but hesitated at the door.
     "I'll deal with you later," I grumbled. He didn't look at me, but he nodded all the same.
     With that, I followed Diane to the door and opened it for her. She looked both ways down the hall before she stepped out. I glared at her back as she stalked in front of me toward her room. Neither of us spoke as I pulled out my key card and unlocked the door. She shoved the door open and stepped into the room, leaving the door for me to catch.
     She tossed her clothes toward her suitcase and plopped down on the bed, looking up at me. I stared at her with a straight face. She didn't smile at me, but she didn't glare. I did, though, as I crossed my arms.
     "Are you mad?" she asked.
     "What the fuck do you think?" I snapped, scowling at her. "Why him? Of all the guys you could have cheated on me with, why my guitarist? Why my friend?"
     Diane rolled her eyes and stood, leaving the sheet on the bed. She stepped over to me and traced the image on my Rolling Stones tee shirt. She looked up at me sadly and shrugged, shaking her head a little.
     "It was a mistake," she whispered, "I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, I just wanted a taste of something different. You know I care about you, Jon." Her eyes were pleading with me, but something about it seemed wrong. I mean, I knew I was dating an actress and a damn good one, too. Two could play at that game, though.
     I let my expression soften a little and leaned toward her like I might kiss her. My hands rested on her hips, caressing her skin gently. She started to smile a little. She thought she'd fooled me.
     I stopped an inch or so from her lips and hissed, "Fuck off." I pushed her away, glaring at her again. I grimaced at her attempt to get me wrapped back around her finger. "And put some fucking clothes on." She frowned at me but sat back down on the sheet, pulling it up around herself again. She looked away awkwardly, but she still didn't seem to have any remorse.
     "I'm not good at commitment," she finally admitted, "I don't like staying put." She looked up at me and shook her head. "We're so young, Jon, how can you stay with just one woman forever? I don't get it."
     I shook my head too. "I don't stay with just anyone," I sneered, "I stay with a woman who at least gives half a shit about me. And if I'm going to sleep around, I'll at least do her the courtesy of not sleeping with her best friend!" Involuntarily, face of Dorothea's best friend, Nadia, flashed in my mind and I shuddered.
     "You say sleep around like I slept with your whole band!" she protested, "It was just Richie!"
     I nodded, motioning to her. "Of course! 'Just Richie.' Look at you," I scoffed, "You don't even care about him!" I put my hands on my hips and shook my head. "If you were trying to get me to break up with you, job well done. You did it. If you show up at any more concerts without a ticket, you'll be turned away."
     "Jon," she whined, as I turned away to leave her, "It was one time!"
     I was going to ignore her, but when she said that, I couldn't. "I've only got your word on that, and I clearly can't trust you," I argued, "Beyond that, this one time was enough. You cheated on me with my best friend. You brought this upon yourself." I opened the door and shook my head. "We're finished," I concluded before leaving her sitting in her room, wrapped in a dirty sheet.
     I refused to be sad about this. I was too angry. I was angry that she'd cheated. I was angry that I'd dated her in the first place. I was angry that I still wanted Dotty. I was angry that she'd left me. I was angry at myself for not trying harder. What was my deal with women?
     Uninvited, Nina popped into my mind. I physically stopped in my tracks and scoffed at myself. What business did Nina have in my mind in this situation? I rolled my eyes as I started down the stairs. Her words found their way to the forefront of my attention. A warning.
     Diane Lane parties too hard, even for you, Rockstar. That relationship would end poorly. Trust me.
     It seemed like ages ago, now, that she'd said that to me, even though it hadn't even been a full year. I got back down to the lobby and made my way back into the bar. The bartender gave me a look and I nodded to him. He chuckled and poured me a glass of the wine I'd had earlier in the night.
     Stay with your high school sweetheart.
     I stared at the wine in my glass, vaguely wondering where Nina was this tour and why she wasn't with us.
     I realized the other day that you and Dotty are amazingly alike.
     I groaned at my own words and took a sip of the wine. God, it was probably that. I could only imagine what that line must have implied to her. I'd been so drunk that night; I'd probably scared her off.
     I closed my eyes and shook my head. Seriously, what was my deal with women? Couldn't one relationship work for me? Just one?
     It did work once, I reminded myself inwardly, but you lost her.
     I had another sip of wine.