Not This Time

Nina: December 25, 1986

     I pulled my oversized denim jacket out of my closet as Jon laced up his sneakers. He'd been staying in my apartment with me since the tour had gone on break for Christmas a few days ago. Now that the day had actually come, my nerves had me on edge. Jon had asked me to spend Christmas with him....at his parents' house.
     Jon had assured me that, even if we were planning to tell his parents about us, which we weren't, they wouldn't spread it around. In all honestly, though, that wasn't the first thing on my mind. I was more concerned about the idea of a family setting in general. I'd never had much experience with any families other than my own, and that experience was most commonly bad. Even Penny's mom was weird toward me and I didn't have the faintest idea why.
     It wasn't like anyone's opinion mattered that much. For the most part, I could ignore any disdain or disinterest from random people, but this was Jon's family we were talking about. Jon was too important to me for his family to be considered random, so I was understandably anxious. I really wanted them to like me, even if we weren't telling them that he and I were together.
     In the mirror, I could see Jon get up from where he'd been seated on my bed. With my free hand I brushed my fingers through my hair before turning away from the mirror and heading for my bedroom door. Jon caught me there as he'd been doing every morning for the last two days, ever since I'd hung that stupid little sprig of mistletoe above the doorway.
     "Come on, smile, it's Christmas," he coaxed, leaning toward me. His words didn't make me feel much better. The kiss that followed did, though. His hands slid down my sides to rest where they belonged, on my waist. I let my jacket fall to the floor so that my arms could rest on his shoulders, wrapped loosely around his neck. I could tell he'd been sneaking some of those cookies I'd made last night. His lips tasted like gingerbread.
     When Jon pulled away, I smiled. "Merry Christmas," I whispered. He grinned back, leaning his forehead against mine.
     "Merry Christmas," he answered. He pecked my lips one more time before letting go of me. "I'm gonna call and make sure they're up," he said as he made his way toward the telephone that was mounted on my kitchen wall. With a small nod, I picked up my jacket and, tossing it onto the couch, followed him into the kitchen to prepare the large basket I'd bought to ferry cookies in.
     As Jon pressed the buttons on the telephone, I lined the basket with an oversized red and green plaid napkin. When I glanced over, Jon was watching me as he waited for someone to answer the phone. Because I had a corded phone, he was restricted to the length of the telephone cord, which meant that I only had however long he spent on the phone to get as many cookies as I could into the basket and out of his reach.
     "Hello?" Jon said into the phone after what seemed like forever, "Hey, Merry Christmas." 
     "Tell them I said Merry Christmas," I said loudly as I turned away from Jon to get more cookies from the other counter. Even from across the kitchen I could hear a muffled voice through the telephone.
     Jon scoffed at whatever the voice had said. "No, Ma, I'm not at Dotty's. That-that wasn't Dorothea," he sighed. When I turned back to look at him, he was shaking his head. He rubbed his free hand down his face as he listened to what his mother was saying. With an apologetic smile, he glanced over at me before answering, "No, I'm in New York, Mom. Dorothea and I broke up last year. Where are you getting this from?"
     I felt sort of like I was watching some Peanuts special because the muffled voice of Jon's mother sounded kind of like Charlie Brown's teacher. Wah-wah wah-wah-wah, wah-wah. I smiled to myself as I put the last of the cookies in the basket.
     "Well it's not," Jon muttered, shaking his head. After a pause, he shrugged and added, "I'm not." I laid another oversized cloth napkin over the cookies and tucked the edges in, trying not to pay too close attention to Jon's side of the conversation. It all sounded so disjointed without his mother's responses anyway. "I know, Mom," Jon said. Another pause. "No." Pause. "Mhm." I looked up just in time for Jon to look over at me. "Yep," he said simply, offering me a small smile before his eyes fell to the counter again.
     Wah-wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah.
     I smiled as I watched him try not to look at me. There was a slight blush creeping across his face. It almost made me wonder what all that wah-wah-wah was about. He laughed at something his mom said, his smile lighting up his face. God, I loved that smile. I'd fallen in love with it the very first time I'd seen it. Even before I'd admitted to myself that I loved him as a whole, I'd known that I loved his smile. Jon looked over at me with that smile and mouthed the word 'sorry.'
     "Hey Mom, I'm gonna let you go, alright," Jon chuckled, "I'll be there in about an hour. Tell everyone I said Merry Christmas." He held the phone away from his ear as his mother called out the sentiment to the rest of the house. Even I could almost hear her words clearly. Jon raised an eyebrow and smirked knowingly at me as we listened to his mother's conversation with someone else in the house through the telephone. "My family," he mused with a shake of his head.
     "Johnny?" his mother's voice asked over the phone.
     "I'm here, Mom." Another pause. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you soon, alright?" Jon smiled at something she said and nodded. "Yeah, I love you too. Merry Christmas. Bye." He put the phone back all the wall mount and then leaned on the wall next to it. I smiled a little, but didn't make a move. All my nerves were coming back now that we were almost ready to go. Jon pushed off the wall and sighed, "I'm gonna go pee really quick. Then we can head out."
     I stepped around the island in my kitchen and toward him at the same time that he started toward my bedroom and the bathroom beyond. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. I was meeting his parents. Oh God, what if they didn't like me? Parents never liked me. I passed under the mistletoe by myself as I followed Jon toward the bathroom.
     "This is really happening.." I mumbled nervously.
     Jon stopped and turned back to me in the bathroom doorway. I wasn't sure how to identify the expression on his face. He sort of looked concerned, like maybe my nerves would cause me to make a bad impression. Honestly, the thought had never even occurred to me until that moment. Of course, he might have also simply been annoyed. He did say he had to pee. After a moment, he scoffed with a very slight sympathetic smile.
     "Babe," he sighed, "You've got nothing to worry about. It's gonna be fine." He paused to let me respond, but I didn't. Instead, I shifted on my feet awkwardly and Jon tilted his head. With a little impatience, he asked, "Can I use the restroom now?"
     "Who's stopping you?" I retorted. I wasn't sure if he was annoyed with me or not, which bothered me and made it difficult to keep my own frustration out of my voice. He didn't get it. Jon let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head a little as he continued into the bathroom and pushed the door behind him. It didn't latch, and I didn't reach to close it. I leaned on the wall next to the bathroom door, arms crossed, fuming to myself until Jon spoke again.
     "Listen," he called through the door gently, "My mom is nothing like yours. She's not going to throw a fit because I've brought you with me." I frown at the memories that his words brought back. The holidays were never easy for that reason, but at least I'd been on my own since I'd left home. I hadn't had to deal any nerve-wracking interactions in quite some time.
     I took a deep breath and let it out. "It's not just Maribelle," I grumbled through the crack in the door. The sound of the toilet flushing broke my train of thought for a split second. When I heard the faucet running, I pushed the door open and turned into the doorway. "After all these years on my own, I'm not really acclimated to family gatherings anymore," I explained, watching Jon wash his hands, "I mean, the last one I attempted was a complete disaster."
     Jon looked up as he dried his hands. "Are you trying to back out on me?" he asked.
     I could tell my the tone of his voice and the grin on his face that he was messing with me, but I didn't smile as I shook my head. Jon held out his hands. I stared at them absently for a moment, my mind still roaming elsewhere. When I brought my gaze back up to his face, there was an expectant expression there. I put my hands in his and he pulled me toward him.
     "You're worrying too much," he whispered, leaning in close like that was a secret. He walked me backwards, out of the bathroom, as he went on in a stronger voice, "That disaster was not my family. My parents are going to love you." He leaned away again and shrugged, keeping his eyes on me. "Besides," he added, "As far as they know, you're just a friend."
     I gave him a tight-lipped smile. He was trying so hard to make me feel better. It was the sweetest thing in the world, but there wasn't much he could say or do that would ease my nerves.
     "They're expecting us," he reminded me, nodding sideways toward my bedroom door. I nodded too and pecked his cheek. He smiled at that, dropping one hand but keeping hold of the other as he followed behind me. As we passed through my bedroom doorway, Jon's free hand was suddenly on my waist and he was unexpectedly leaning around to kiss my cheek.
     I giggled a little at first, glancing at him, but when I faced forward again, my smile vanished.
     "Merry Christmas, Nina!" Matt declared from where he was seated on my couch with his girlfriend. Jon's hand fell out of mine as everyone in the room simply stared at each other in surprise. I hadn't heard Matt's Triple T. I hadn't expected him. He knew I hated it when he did that. I couldn't even imagine what Jon must have been thinking.
     "Matt," I stated as evenly as I could, rubbing my palms against the front of my jeans, "Merry Christmas. How did you get in here?"
     "The same way I get in anywhere," Matt answered just as evenly. Oh God, he knew what was going on. How could he not though? They'd just watched Jon kiss me. I should have known he'd pop in without warning. That was very Matt.
     Trying not to let anything on to Jon, I forced a mirthless snicker. "Burglar," I accused jokingly. I put on a smile and glanced back at Jon. He looked suspicious and confused. Of course, he also didn't know about Matt's time machine. "I'm sure you guys know who this is?" I asked Matt and Emma.
     "Oh yeah," Matt confirmed, adding a nod for overkill. He looked like he was trying to hide his disapproval, but I could see it. I only hoped Jon didn't. Emma, only slightly aware of the tension between Matt and me, ignored us both and smiled at Jon.
     "Merry Christmas!" she chirped.
     I turned back to the singer to find him offering a polite smile in response. "Rockstar, these are my friends, Matt and Emma. They drop in every once in a while," I told him. With an annoyed glance over my shoulder at Matt, I added, "Often at the worst times without warning."
     Jon nodded as I spoke, never taking his eyes off the couple on the couch. He looked so uncomfortable with the whole situation. After a minute, he tore his eyes away to look at me. With a final glance in Matt and Emma's direction and a sarcastically friendly wave from Matt, Jon turned me away so that we both had our backs to my surprise guests.
     "So who are they?" he asked quietly.
     I blinked at him. "I told you, they're my friends."
     "You're not telling me something," he said. I gave him a look, not really sure how he'd figured that one out. He pointed to my hands, which I hadn't realized were still running up and down the front of my jeans. "You only do that when you're nervous," he scoffed.
     I crossed my arms and shrugged. "They just surprised me is all, Rockstar," I lied. Jon frowned a little. He could probably tell I was lying to him. I hated doing it, but I knew he wouldn't believe me if I told him the truth. He studied me for a minute more and then sighed. There wasn't really anything he could do to push the subject, but I could tell he didn't like it.
     Jon crossed his arms too, glancing at Matt and Emma. Then, as if the idea just came to him, he looked over at the door suddenly. I followed his gaze and...oh, that's what he was looking at. The deadbolt was still locked, but more than that, the door chain was still in place from last night. There was no way Matt and Emma could have gotten in through that door, and it was the only one in and out of the apartment.
     "How did you get in here?" Jon spat, turning back to the couple sitting on my couch.
     "I have a teleporter," Matt responded simply. I smacked my palm to my forehead at the same time that Emma grimaced. Oh God, had he really just said that? Not to mention the way he said it. So nonchalant, as if everyone had a teleporter.
     Jon stared at him for a moment and then looked over at me. He looked like he was waiting for me to explain Matt's outrageous comment, but I couldn't. I just shook my head with the slightest of shrugs. Jon, still unsure of what to say, shook his head too, and returned his gaze to Matt. He stared for a second, but only a second, before he had another realization.
     "Don't I know you?" he asked, pointing to Matt.
     Matt pointed to himself, both eyebrows jumping up into his hairline. He shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I have one of those faces."
     "No, you don't," Emma scoffed, giving him a look.
     "No, you don't," I agreed, shaking my head as well.
     Jon seemed to ponder this exchange for a moment. He looked like he was trying to figure out where he'd seen Matt before. No doubt, he'd seen Matt speaking to me in '84 about when I'd be returning to my time. I couldn't be sure he hadn't seen us talking about it a few months ago at the music video shoot. Nevertheless, Jon didn't seem to remember either event, because he finally gave up with a shake of his head.
     "What do you want, Matt?" I asked, stepping up next to Jon. The singer looked at me and then turned his attention to the man sitting on the couch. Emma wouldn't meet my gaze, but Matt did.
     "I need to talk to you," he stated simply. His eyes shifted to Jon for a moment before bouncing right back to me. "Alone, preferably. Different time zones and all."
     Jon and I exchanged glances. I could see him silently asking what time zones had to do with anything. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. That was Matt's way of telling me that he would be talking about time travel, but I couldn't tell Jon that.
     "Why don't you go warm up the car?" I suggested quietly as I guided Jon toward the door.
     He glanced over his shoulder and then at me. "You gonna be alright up here with them?"
     Stifling a laugh, I smiled a little and nodded. "I'll be just fine, thanks," I whispered back, trying not to giggle. Jon smiled a little at my response. He started to lean forward like he'd kiss me, but then he looked over at Matt and Emma. His smile fell a little and he grabbed my car keys off of my entry table instead.
     "I'll be outside," he muttered, "Please don't be too long."
     "I won't," I assured him. Jon paused, staring at the door chain. He made a face and shook his head like he was still trying to figure out how they'd gotten past it. Finally he reached up and unhooked it. With a weak smile in my direction, he unlocked and opened the door. When he looked back over at Matt and Emma, I could tell he was still troubled by their sudden, unexplainable appearance.
     "Merry Christmas," he called to them without so much as a smile.
     "It was nice meeting you!" Emma replied. Her voice rang with cheer and just a hint of hopefulness. Jon nodded with another awkward-polite smile on his way out the door. As soon as he'd shut the door behind him, I turned on my heel and stalked back across the room.
     "What the hell, Matt!" I hissed, "Why do you insist upon showing up unannounced at the most random times?"
     Matt stood and put his hands on his hips. "Christmas isn't random!"
     "8:43am is!" I snapped back after glancing at the clock on my wall. I glared at him. "I told you to call me first!" I scolded, "You said you wouldn't do this anymore!"
     Emma stood too and raised her pointer finger to try and get in a word, but Matt beat her to it. "Who are you to talk about doing things you're not supposed to?" he defended, motioning to the door.
     Emma sat down like a child whose parents were fighting and stared at her fingers as she twiddled them. I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at Matt, but didn't answer. Undeterred, he glared right back. There was a long pause, him daring me to deny it and me refusing to confirm it. Emma even looked up. After that long intense minute, I looked away.
     "I can't believe you, Nina!" he exclaimed, waving his hands about to help illustrate his outrage, "Now I see why you didn't want to go home!" He gaped at me like he hadn't known this the whole time he'd been sitting there. I frowned at his show and he went on. "I told you nothing big or flashy! Dating the singer of an internationally known rock band is big and flashy!"
     "It's a secret!" I shouted to shut him up. Silence fell over the room. Emma looked between the two of us, but my eyes never left Matt. He looked like he didn't know what to say. He put his hands on his hips and tilted his head a little, so I went on. "His band and one producer in Canada are the only people who know about us," I said in a quieter tone, "We've been working very hard to keep everyone else out of the loop." With a shake of my head, I brought my hands out in front of me in a pleading gesture. "Please don't give me grief about this, Matt. I've never been happier and he-"
     "Has got to get back with his high school sweetheart," Matt interrupted.
     Caught off guard, I hesitated with a reply. I had no idea he knew anything about Bon Jovi.
     "That's right," Matt scoffed, "I did my homework. He's supposed to marry her! You know that, I know you do! If the two of you are still together when she comes around about giving their relationship another go, there's only two things that could happen and both would be bad."
     I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I mean, I had broken the rules. But those rules made so little sense when Jon was smiling at me. Hell, I hardly remembered that I was from a different time whenever he said my name. I couldn't imagine letting him go now. Matt stared expectantly, probably wondering if I was going to say anything for myself. But I wasn't. I knew if I waited long enough, he'd tell me what those two bad things that could happen were.
     Sure enough, he did. "If you don't end this soon, you're going to either rewrite his future or get your heart broken. I don't want to see either things happen, but I've already made my mistake," Matt explained, "This one is yours."
     My eyes shifted to the basket of cookies in the kitchen behind him. I was supposed to meet Jon's parents today. It was a big step. How was I supposed to back away after such a big step? I could feel tears forming a lump in my throat. Swallowing it back, I shook my head.
     "When is she coming?" I choked, bringing my eyes back to Matt.
     He frowned slightly and sighed, "Does it matter?"
     "If I have to leave him, I want to spend every minute I can with him before I do," I argued, motioning to the door, "So yes, it does matter."
     Matt shook his head. "It would be better to do it sooner. It's gonna hurt both of you more the longer you wait," he warned. I knew his words were true, but at the moment, I didn't care.
     "When?" I repeated. Matt's frown deepened and he crossed his arms. He looked like he wasn't going to give in. Just when I figured I was going to have to beat it out of him, Emma spoke up.
     "April," she said softly. Matt and I both looked down at her. When she met my gaze, she looked sad. Emma had always been a really good friend to me ever since I'd met her. She could probably tell that this was difficult for me. She tossed Matt an unconcerned glance in response to his betrayed gape, then looked back at me. "Next April. 1987."
     I bit my bottom lip and nodded, letting my eyes drift from her, to the couch, to the carpet. So soon. Yeah, it was still months away, but months could be like days if you didn't pay attention. There was that lump in my throat again. This time tears started threatening to blur my vision. I blinked them back and looked up at Matt and Emma with a deep breath.
     "I'll stay 'til April then, yeah?" I breathed, interrupting the silent argument they were having about Emma's decision. My voice didn't want to work. I felt a little like I was going to be sick. I didn't want to imagine telling him goodbye, let alone actually do it. I closed my eyes for a moment and fought back some persistent tears. When I opened them again, Matt and Emma both looked sort of guilty.
     "Sorry.." Emma apologized, wrapping her arms around herself, "We didn't mean to ruin your Christmas."
     Matt put a hand on my shoulder and said gently, "I really didn't mean to make you upset, but there are reasons for the rules, Nina. I don't want your heart to get broken when he chooses her."
     I frowned and shrugged his hand off my shoulder. "My heart's gonna be broken whether he chooses her or not," I croaked. We both knew how this was going to end. I'd have to leave him at some point.
     "The longer you wait, the more it will hurt," Matt said again. I closed my eyes, but he kept talking, "It's gonna hurt him even more later on if he misses out on her."
     When I opened my eyes again, they fell on the basket of cookies once more. I couldn't handle this right now. There was too much going on at once. I wiped away a tear from my eye before it got a chance to fall and then blinked back at them, shaking my head.
     "I'll see you in April then," I managed in a full voice, "I've got somewhere to be. Merry Christmas." Matt sighed and dropped his head. He knew he wasn't going to be able to convince me. He shuffled away, defeated for now. Emma offered me a sympathetic half-smile before turning away to follow Matt back to wherever he'd parked his Triple T.
     "Merry Christmas," Matt said, standing over by my supply closet door. I nodded and brought a hand up in acknowledgement, but I didn't dare try to say anything else. My voice wouldn't let me. Matt and Emma disappeared into my supply closet. I closed my eyes and held everything in until I heard the vworp vworp on Matt's time machine departing.
     Then I let it out.