Above the waves

28

I wake up to a wet pillow and remember how my tears seemed to be flooding the pillow and tent. Maybe it was just a dream.

"Savannah."

I look to the opening flap and see Sierra peeking in. I'm guessing the others have woken up too.

"What time is it?" I mumble, covering my eyes with my one working arm.

"Ten." She replies.

"Do you want me to bring your breakfast here?" She asks, the same concern in her voice.

"As much as I'd hate asking you to do that on the first day of the year, yes please. I don't think I can move much." I say, turning my head to the side to show her. "Just my neck."

I try with all my might, to raise my left arm. The one good arm I could rely on. But nothing.

I feel so useless. And it's the beginning of the year. What a great start.

Sierra comes back a few minutes later with a plate full of some brownies, fruits, and a sandwich.

"Thanks." I say.

She nods grimly and helps me sit up. She piles pillows behind me and Skylar comes in a minute later.

"You can't move?" He asks, his protectiveness and concern showing.

"Nope." I say softly.

He and Sierra take turns feeding me or helping me drink water.

"It's been such a long while since had to spoon feed you." Skylar jokes, lightening the mood.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

After I'm done with breakfast, Sierra carries the plate and cup outside and Skylar scoots to sit closer.

"Want me to carry you out?" He asks softly, knowing full well how bad I feel with him carrying me around.

We don't bring the wheelchair on boat rides so I have to be carried around. And I don't like being such a burden.

"Maybe later." I say, staring at the part of the tent in front of me.

"Sav-"

"I just can't believe it came back on the first day of the new year. I wanted this year to start right. Not full of pain." I sniffle.

He puts an arm around me but I can't feel anything. That hurts. I love feeling the comfort from my brother and loved ones and here I am stuck with knowing but not feeling it.

"God knows. He has a plan." Skylar encourages.

I sigh. "Yeah. It's just getting hard. He told me this is still the beginning. But I don't see anything happening."

He thinks for a moment. "Remember the story of that guy in the Bible who was a commander? He had leprosy and after a while of discussion, had to dip in the river seven times. And the river wasn't the cleanest nor did it seem very miraculous. But as he continued, not seeing any results for the six times, he got healed."

He looks at me and smiles. "Maybe you're in the six stages still. Needing another leap of faith before the miracle arrives. Just hold on."

"I'm trying to." I whisper, tears struggling to be free. "It's just so hard."

I lean my head on his shoulder and he adjusts for me. I can't even feel his reassuring hug.

"We're here with you." He whispers back.

"Do mom and dad know?" I ask after a few moments of silence.

"Maybe. Do you wanna go out and tell them?"