Learn To Be Real | KTH

Chapter 9

Without even fully realizing it, my feet had carried me to the small café where Miyeon works. As I stop in front of the building, I can only seem to stand there and work to catch my breath as I stare. It's only now that I suddenly realize I've just bailed on part of my dance practice, though I suppose it doesn't matter too much. I would've missed part of it anyways from having to deal with Manager Nim.

Sighing, I run a hand through my hair and step inside the building. My eyes connect to Miyeon's almost instantly, and it's only seconds before she's turning away from the counter. I run my tongue over my bottom lip to wet it before sucking it in a bit and biting it, stepping aside so that I'm not stood in front of the doorway. Once again, the room is fairly empty with only a few customers as I watch Miyeon move around to make whatever drink she's currently working on.

Though, I'm surprised when she takes two cups and walks around the counter and towards me with a small smile. I smile sheepishly, feeling my already warm cheeks heat up at her quick attention. We sit down in the same place we were at yesterday as she hands me a drink that appears identical to the one I'd ordered yesterday.

"Everything okay? I thought you said Sunday's were gonna be our hangout days?" She asks curiously, a hint of worry in her voice as we sit down. I purse my lips for a moment, taking a second to come up with some sort of response.

"What? I can't change my mind to come and see my favorite girl?" I tease with a wink. She grins almost instantly, laughter spilling from her soft looking lips as her eyes and nose crinkle up in an adorable manner.

"As cute and kind as that was, I think we both know you came here because of more than just that." She grins in return. I smirk lightly, shrugging in response.

"I wouldn't be so sure. My feet seemed to know where I was heading better than I did. Clearly I just missed you too much." I joke lightly. Her cheeks heat up to a sweet light pink as she giggles softly again.

"Not interesting but a flirt, huh? Odd contradiction." Miyeon counters with a smirk of her own, a light blush now forming on my own cheeks.

"Only with you." I murmur softly before taking a sip of the drink she'd made me.

"So. What happened?" She asks softly before her gaze lands on my wrist. I mentally swear at myself as I notice her eyes widen a bit at the sight, not having thought about that small fact when picking out a tee shirt this morning.

"That's nothing. Fell wrong and tried to catch myself. It's why I ended up hitting my head at work yesterday." I inform her, dragging her eyes back up to mine.

"I was just frustrated, I guess. I went in early this morning and they didn't get me before going to meet with our boss, which got my ass in trouble. He claimed I needed babysat but that the boys shouldn't have to do that for me. That it was a responsibility issue, but it's not like he was even giving me the chance to be responsible." I mutter quietly, looking out the window rather than at the beautiful girl sat across from me.

"You have a lot of pent up anger. Don't you, Tae?" She asks softly, reaching out and placing her hand over my good one gently. I reluctantly look back over at her, nodding meekly.

"That's why you're struggling to feel much emotion, Tae. You're constantly feeling angry and hurt. You're a lot more sensitive than you want to be, aren't you?" Miyeon says gently, rubbing the pad of her thumb over the back of my hand.

"What do you mean, that's 'why' I'm struggling so much?" I question, though it comes off more as a statement from my tired and weak voice.

"You don't have much of an opportunity to feel anything but those two emotions. You're so hard on yourself, because everyone else is, that you don't give yourself the chance. Even right now being here, Tae. Even yesterday when we were sat here talking. You're hardly happy, you're faking a lot of it. And it's because of how hard you are with yourself. You're so self critical because everyone else chooses to be critical of you. At the end of the day, their opinions don't matter. Your opinion of yourself is what matters. And you're a really great fucking person." Miyeon explains in a gentle tone, eyes locked with my own the entire time.

I can't help but bite my lip lightly and let the small smile appear on my lips. I can feel just how strongly she means every word, just how much she believes everything she's saying. It makes my weak and heavy heart swell a bit.

Is it possible to actually love someone within thirty six hours of knowing them? Because if so, that's certainly what's happened here with her.

"What the hell am I supposed to do though? I can't help it, Miyeon. As much as I don't want to, I still care about their opinions. Their words still hurt. There's never a thing they say about or to me anymore that doesn't hurt either. I wanna be happy, but I wanna be good enough too. And right now, I'm not good enough for anyone." I tell her honestly. She frowns at me, shaking her head lightly.

"I know it hurts, Tae. But you've gotta stop holding it all in. It's unhealthy and it'll ruin you. It'll be your end if you do. When you're hurt, let yourself feel hurt and don't be afraid to express it. When you're angry, let yourself feel it and don't hold it in. They don't fucking matter, even if it still hurts. They don't act like they care and you're gonna have to learn to be okay with that. But you are good enough, Tae. You're good enough for me, and eventually you'll be able to be good enough for yourself too. And that's all that's going to matter."