Learn To Be Real | KTH

Chapter 23

Sighing quietly to myself as I hold Miyeon's hand tightly in mine, I look up at the house that I've not been to in over a week. It doesn't make me feel better like it used to, the thought of the other boys all inside no longer a comforting thought.

Feeling her give my hand a gentle squeeze, I reluctantly finish following the other four up to the front door and into the house. I nearly seize up completely when I spot the other two already sat on the couch, looking up when they hear us walk in.

"Holy shit, you found him!" Namjoon exclaims as he jumps up, running over to me. Pulling me away from Miyeon, he engulfs me into a giant hug, though I don't bother returning it, not particularly wanting to be here still.

"Thank goodness your back and safe." Namjoon says softly with a small smile as he pulls away before finally acknowledging the extra person in the room.

"And who's this?" He asks, a small frown on his face now.

"His girlfriend. He's not necessarily back here to stay, hyung. He's just giving all of us the chance to apologize and hear what we have to say." Jungkook explains quietly. I merely nod my head, stepping back next to my beautiful girlfriend and taking her hand in mine once more.

"Oh... Well, lets all take a seat then, I guess. There's plenty to discuss." Namjoon says in a nearly defeated tone as he walks back to where he'd been sat next to Hoseok. The others all nod, Jimin and Jin sitting down on the couch with the other two while Jungkook and Yoongi take a seat on the other couch. I merely pull Miyeon to the large chair that fits two with me, tugging her onto my lap rather than beside me as I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder.

"What do you have to say then? I don't want to be here longer than I have to be." I speak up, cutting through the heavy silence. They all glance around at each other.

"I guess I can start since I was one of the hardest ones on you." Yoongi mumbles softly, reluctance in his voice as he hesitantly looks up at me.

"Look, Tae, I... I'm really sorry." He starts, beginning to choke up surprisingly. I press my lips into a thin line, hiding the lower have of my face behind Miyeon's shoulder.

"I shouldn't have been so hard on you. The standards I was pushing you to, were standards that I hold to myself. I was too enraptured in trying to improve on the dances and being more extroverted and working on more songs to really realize just how wrong all of my anger and frustration I was taking out on you really was. And out of all of us, I'm last person that should've been pushing you the way I was. You were the one person in this band that didn't give up on me before we debuted and you were the one person always pushing me not to give up even after we had and things hadn't gotten easier. You're the reason I'm still part of this band and I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention to how shitty I was treating you. You've no idea how much I wish I could take every shitty thing I've said to and about you back. I'm so sorry for how I treated you, Tae. And, I know I don't deserve it but I really hope you can find it in you to forgive me eventually." Yoongi breathes out despite the tears that begin to slowly roll down his now rosy cheeks.

I merely remain silent though, tightening my hold on Miyeon ever so lightly as she pats my clasped hands gently.

"I just wish you would've spoken up, Tae. Every single one of us in this band is valuable, but you can't force Jungkook to do the talking for you and even now, you can't be forcing this random girlfriend of yours to talk for you either. You're an adult just like the rest of us. Not only that, but you shouldn't have waited till things were already too much for you before bothering to say something to anyone. And if you should be coming to anyone for something like this, it should've been me, not our youngest member. I could've helped you, Tae. I could've made a point to fix things before we all got to this point. You can't blame all of us for that. You have to take responsibility for your own wrong doings as well." Namjoon says with a sigh, pushing a hand through his hair.

"What good would it have done, Namjoon? I tried speaking up, I tried pointing out the unfairness in how I was being treated compared to everyone else. It never made a difference. I tried finding ways to fix things myself back at the beginning, spoke up about everything and got pushed to the side. And, you recall Yoongi hyung never spoke up about his depression when he went through the worst of that either. But what? Because I'm younger I've gotta do better? I've gotta do things differently? It wouldn't have made a difference, didn't make a difference. I've sat there, tears streaming down my face and saying it fucking hurts, sat there crying and admitting that things were getting hard to handle. And did any of it get better? Does it ever really get better? No. It doesn't make it easier on anyone and it gets nothing accomplished. You were all better off when I wasn't around anyways. Everyone was happier when I wasn't there with you guys. So don't fucking sit there and lie to me. Jungkook said you all wanted to apologize and had things to say to me. That wasn't a fucking apology and saying I should've done better doesn't fix things."