Learn To Be Real | KTH

Chapter 34

Glancing over at the doorway, I feel my insides express the surprise that I know my outer facial expressions aren't showing. The surprise at the sight of the state Miyeon is currently in. The last thing I would've expected from her, was for her to come in here wearing a pair of black leggings, a gray sweatshirt tossed over top of what looks like a white tank top, and her beautiful long hair pulled up into a messy bun. There's not a trace of makeup on her beautiful face, not that she ever needs it, and she looks purely exhausted. Her nervousness and pain expressed plain as day on her face as she silently shuffles into the room and closes the door behind her.

Without a word exchanged between the two of us, she keeps her head directed towards the carpeted flooring as she walks over to my bed, but sitting down on the edge of Jungkook's bed that's closer to me. It's only once she's sat that she finally looks up at me properly, her sweet smile nowhere to be found today. I can't blame her though, I'm sure if I'd been in her position that I'd be the same way.

"I'm really sorry for everything that's happened, Tae. You didn't deserve to get hurt that way after all the pain that you've already been going through." She whispers softly, swiping some of her hair away from her face that's fallen loose from being pulled up. I just bite my lip, looking back up at the ceiling above me.

"I really don't know what to do anymore, Miyeon. As easily as I can forgive you and not blame you at all for what I saw, that's still going to be something that's burned into the back of my mind for all of eternity. And it makes things all that much harder when I'm at a loss for what trust really is anymore." I tell her quietly.

"Tae, please. I've been a mess since that day, since you left. I was selling drugs for him, and I know that's not anything to be proud of, but it's not like I was selling myself. What you saw is the first time that's ever happened. He's locked up behind bars now too, you don't have to worry about that happening again. Please, you don't understand how much of a mess I've been since you left, Tae. All I want is to have you back." Miyeon whimpers, tears already welling up in her beautiful eyes. I just sigh, closing my eyes.

"I just... I don't know, Miyeon. I don't fucking know. Any last bits of happiness and confidence I had was shattered that day. I don't know who or what to trust anymore, even if I believe you that you're telling the truth about what happened. Yoongi hyung and Hobi hyung are the only reasons I'm even still fucking alive right now, Miyeon. I don't know what I'm doing or what to do anymore about anything. Including you." I admit quietly, still not looking over at her.

Staring back up at the ceiling, I feel the overwhelming urge to cry, but feel nowhere near being close to tears. It's as if they're no longer in stock, nowhere to be found.

I don't miss Miyeon standing up from the bed though, a fearful and uncertain look on her face as she keeps her eyes locked on me. It scares the hell out of me, making me feel like she's about to do something dangerous or harmful to herself, something that I don't remotely want despite how much I'm struggling with this decision.

"Okay, look. I... I'm gonna leave. And... if you... If you really want me to stay and want to work things out with me... then say something before I'm out the door. If... if you don't, then I'll know that you'd rather be done with me, and I'll understand. I promise. But, if I leave this room, Tae, then I'm gone. And... and we really will be over for good." She informs me, her voice cracking multiple times as the tears start rolling down her cheeks.

My eyes widen as I look over at her, but realize just how serious she is about this. She removes her gaze from me though, lowering her head to look down at the floor before turning away from me. I feel a certain kind of anxiousness build up in me, hoping she's not serious as she slowly begins taking steps towards the door. Tears finally begin welling up in my eyes, truly feeling like I'm really losing her this time as I begin counting her steps toward the door that'll let her out of this room.

Parting my trembling lips, my throat tightens up before I can manage to get a single word uttered. I sit upright, hoping it'll help me be able to speak better as she grows closer and closer to the door, but to no avail. It's nearly like it makes it even harder, my throat tightening even further with each step she takes.

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as she pauses in front of the door, the first time I've felt so scared and so strongly about anything since the day I saw her with that asshole. I simply hope and pray that she'll turn around, that she won't leave through that door. But, all too soon, she seems to unfreeze as she puts her hand on the doorknob and turns it, shattering my heart into smithereens.

The first sob finally escapes my lips when that damned fucking door falls shut behind her.