narrative | changlix

XXVI.

Felix pov

I started feeling a little bit anxious- who am I lying to, I was anxious as never. I lowered my gaze and my smile dropped. I almost teared up at the though of Changbin being in relationship with someone else. paying attention to somebody else but me.

,, Felix? " Changbin asked with a visible worry in his voice. His voice, I could write only about his voice for hours.

,,Yea?" I said with a low voice, still trying to fight my tears back so they won't come out. Hes already worrying, I don't want him to worry even more.

,, Have I done something? You seem upset, like really upset," he put his on my shoulder and that made the situation even worse. Few seconds passed before I answered. I didn't want to stutter or to have tears in my eyes. So I didn't answer till I wasn't sure I was looking 100% okay.

,, No, what made you think that?"

,, Well.. the last time you were upset  was because of me,so.." he looked away and scratched his neck. I could tell he felt very uncomfortable. He never scratches his neck unless he is nervous or there's something wrong going on.

,, Yaah!! it was stupid of me. You didn't even do anything so upsetting. Let's forget about that. I'm not upset," I snickered trying to light up the mood, smiling softly. ,, what about ordering a pizza?" I tried changing the topic, because I knew if we are gonna continue talking about this im surely gonna cry like the baby I am.

,, Felix, don't even try changing the topic, " okay,,so my original plan isn't working, what the fuck am I gonna do. I dont want to tell him why I'm upset.

,, Now spill,"  he sighed.

,, I'm waiting. " I didn't respond and kept looking and playing with my fingers.

,, What's upsetting you so much you don't want to tell me? " his tone was a bit higher than usually, hes surely getting angry because I'm not answering.

,, Felix I'm not going anywhere until you-"

,, Okay I'll tell you, " I really didn't want to. Why do I always obey him,

,, the tea is that..."

I kept silent for a while. i looked up and our eyes met.

,, I-it's just that everyone around me has crush or they are dating or whatever and then there's someone like me. Noone wants me. I'm just not interesting and I'm not even a little bit pretty," I couldn't keep looking into his eyes. I told him only one half and I'm not letting him know the other half. not yet.

,, Felix what the fuck did you just say" he put his finger under my chin and lifted my head so he would be looking straight into my eyes, maybe even in my soul

,, now listen carefully. You. Are. Fucking. Amazing. Stop degrading yourself, honey." he smiled warmly.

my heart started beating so fast after he called me honey. maybe it was even hearable and maybe i even blushed. I turned my head to the side so he wouldn't see me madly bushing.

,, Seriously Felix, you are so freaking beautiful," then why can't you just love me,bitch

,, Your personality is so sweet and funny. Everyone wants to be your friend. You are small, but cute. Your freckles are just so, so adorable and pretty. You are a very likable person, Felix. So don't ever say that again." after this he pulled me into warm hug and I was there, frozen, blushing because his words were so warm. so, so warm.

I tried to sniffle as quiet as possible, but Changbin obviously heard everything. He pulled away just to see me crying like a baby.

,, Why are you crying,baby? "

my heart jumped and I wanted to cry even more. What? excuse me is this what i heard? i was left speechless. did he really start nicknaming me?? not like i dont like it but..argh! i should be the supportive friend, but I'm over here crying over how I'll never be his and only his.

,, S-Sorry," I sniffled and rubbed my eyes with my hands. He kept worrying the whole time, until he was sure im 100% okay. he remained an eye contact with serious face on even after my joke attempts. he was being the supportive friend he is and I couldn't do anything but fall for him even more..