A Lesson Or A Blessing.

2

It was that smile that made goose bumps rise,bile stick, tear ducts hungry.

She didn't let the hexagonal structure drop,she restrained them,yet the bile made her uncomfortable, she felt dere and it felt painful.

Yet she didn't let them out,not even a drop,afraid of the fact that there might be an outbreak or a prison break when she lets just one out.

She sat idle,not moving an inch,not even a blink, nor a twitch,not a flinch nor was there a reflective jerk. She was completely lost in her thoughts, away from the world but only present physically.

She wished to just disappear,away into thin air,away from all miseries, avarice and what ever the evil in the universe had in store for her.

She knew, she was supposed to pray,to seek help,to seek solitude. She knew, only One could help her,soothe her heart,cleanse her heart, preserve her soul and drift her mind yet she was whimsical.

She was too afraid of even her lord who promised a take.forgetting entirely of the verse where He says 'wa inna ma'al usri yusrah'(and verily with every hardship comes ease).

Forgetting the hadiths of the prophet and all other teachings she knew, not because she was unfaithful nor was she ignorant.

She was afraid that if she asked Him for her peace of mind,it would take sometime probably lead to her death. That was an absurd reason though, she wished she could simply ask Him the best for her and what she wishes ends up happening,sometimes things we wish are not the best for us,yet we keep being persistent to what we want.

She didn't directly want to ask for her wish,afraid of the fact that it might not be best for her, at the same time,she didn't want to ask for the best for her, afraid of the fact that unknowingly, she might rebel.

She felt unthankful to her lord,she felt capricious,and greed was drowning her. Was she so wrong to wish for happiness? Was she so wrong to desire him all for herself? Was she so wrong to once in her life feel the need to fight?.

All the questions cat walking within her skull box left her with no answer, she didn't have one.

She was afraid of breaking the glasses she had built around her self for so many years, she was apprehensive to let her emotions take over her, she was scared to let her self break. To allow her tears fall, was it a crime?

She placed her leg which was covered with a woven sock shoe on the dark Italian marbles, her feet felt soft against the floors. It took her all of her might to be able to rise from her position.

Her head felt way too heavy, her forehead hurt in all direction, her legs felt wobbly, she had to hold onto the dresser for support. allowing all the adralline to drain,she moved further into the ensuite.

Her wudu(ablution) was done accurately, she made sure no part was deprived of what it was meant to get. Looking at her self in the mirror ,she paced her fingers down her semi large eyes which were initially as an owl's.

Her face looked exceptionally depleted.

She looked worn out,but she smiled,if this was what would make him happy then she was ready to take a leap backward and watch from a distance,she would do whatever it takes to see that smile spread across his face. By Allah, a smile had never looked so good,natural,real and beautiful than it looked on him.

She shook her head trying her best to shun him away from her terrific mind. But was it possible?

Taking a handful of water,she splashed it uberall everywhere across her face yet some drops missed the target and ended up on the floor.

She made her way back to her room, then took out her hijab, her figure facing the qiblah on her mat, her heart towards her lord,her mind devoted to worship,her elites solely on the floor, the position of her sujud.she made her salat.

That was what peace was about.

She prayed two units of salats:prayer till the call of adhan:call to prayer  of fajr:early dawn prayer  was made, she was still in her sujud:prostration.

Dictating her thoughts, having a conversation with her lord,seeking solitude and for the first time after the incident, a tear fell, that tear was persistent,it was the only one daring to fall. But she was glad that a burden was lifted off her.

She said her salam, before reciting few verses then she made her subh salah.

Happy 18th birthday and some days she cared not to count, she was free yet her heart was caged with sorrow.

She knew she had sacrificed a lot for her happiness, cant she just sacrifice just once for him? There and then, she made up her mind, if her actions would lead to a smile on his face which would lead to smiles on several people's faces,then she was ready to sacrifice just hers.

She rose her hands "ya Allah, let this be another lesson for me to pass or perhaps a blessing" she whispered.

Another lesson she learnt that night was if a single smile won't make a difference, make other people smile and get the difference from that.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁
Officially my chapter 2.

This chapter is dedicated to each and every human that went or is going through any form of heartbreak, #reasonableheartbreak.

So--? A word to describe this chapter or a phrase?

Any clues?

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Khadijah🌹