CHIM - Life in the limelight SEQUEL

Chapter 20

I look at Cheryl who looks like she wants to cry now too. She is holding Paisley in her arms just as tight as our daughter is holding onto her and she kisses her head over and over again until she calms herself down. "I'm going to take you to school with Mummy this morning and we need your help taking Hailie to playgroup, do you think you can help us?" Cheryl tries a different tactic and Paisley shakes her head. "Tell me why you don't want to go to school"

"Because..." Paisley stops to catch her breath and Cheryl encourages her to carry on. "Because when i come home you might be gone"

"What do you mean?"

"Mummy said that me and Laney made you happy again but if i'm at school and Laney is going to stay with Auntie Sally who will make you happy? You might get sad again and go back into your room and then mummy will be sad too and we will have to live in that horrible place that smells funny"

"Shh, that's not going to happen" Cheryl hushes her and rocks from side to side with her like she is a newborn. I don't know what to say. Paisley has been clingy and has been glued to Cheryl's side for a while now but i just assumed that it was because she has gotten so used to her being home but it isn't. In her 5 year old head, she thinks that if she is not around to look after her Mam then she is going to get unwell again and she is afraid she is going to come home to our family in tatters once again. "I promise you i am so much better now and you will never have to live anywhere like that ever again, okay?" Paisley nods her head and Cheryl again kisses her face while her own eyes are filling up with tears that she quickly blinks away. "We are all a family and nothing can tare us apart so don't you worry about anything"

"I still don't want to go"

"Is something else bothering you?" I ask her and she shrugs her shoulders unconvincingly. This child has always been a worrier, she has taken after me and i wish she could just be as care free as other children but no matter what i do to make sure she is shielded from our problems it is inevitable that she is going to find out from someone "Come on, tell us what it is"

"...What if people are mean to me again like in my last school? What if they call Mammy names?"

"If they call me names just ignore them, that doesn't matter because i don't care do i? If anyone is mean to you, you go straight to your teacher and you let her know-"

"What if they hit me"

"Then you hit them back" Cheryl says before i can say anything. "You hit them back twice as hard, you hear me?" She is holding Paisley's face between her hands and she nods her little head. "Nobody is going to hit you and if they do they'll have me to deal with. Now i want you to put your jumper on and let us do your hair so i can take a lovely picture of you. You're going to have a lovely day and you're going to make loads of new friends"

Paisley is still reluctant when Cheryl pulls her jumper over her head but she lets her and she pushes her arms through the holes. While Cheryl pulls out her collar and smooths down the front of the red materiel Paisley offers her a small smile. "Do i look like an apple?"

"Like an adorable apple" Cheryl kisses her nose and wipes at her wet face. "Now you go and get your hairbrush for me and we'll do your hair just like Hailie's, alright?"

"Alright" Paisley nods and goes upstairs to get her things.

"I think me heart is breaking"

"I know... She has always been your little shadow but it explains now why she won't leave your side for 2 minutes" I say and Cheryl lets out a deep sigh.

"This has all affected her far more than we thought, hasn't it? Every time i think she's over it she has a meltdown like this and i feel awful" She says and i get up to close the living room door so she can't here us.