Phan oneshots

A curious case (Part 4)

Phil's POV

This can't be happening.

I can't be falling for Dan. Not the criminal I'm supposed to just be watching over.

But I knew it was happening. His smiles and laughs were rare, but when they slipped past his lips it was the most wonderful thing I've seen. His face seemed to have dark circles permanently etched under his eyes, along with a constant dull look in his eyes. But when he smiled, it was like the sun coming out during a storm. His eyes crinkled at the edges, an adorable dimple would pop out, and he looked 10 years younger. I adored his curls, and found myself staring at them, fascinated by the way they flawlessly laid on his head. He had a strong jawline, especially prominent because of his skinniness.

One day on my many 'stare at Dan Howell like a creepy stalker' minutes, I notice his ears were pierced. I asked him if he had any earring to go in them.

"No, I sold them for a bit of money long ago," He replied, not meeting my eyes but staring down at the spaghetti in front of him.

"I think you would look good with earrings," I say, hoping he would just take it as a normal compliment. He shifts in his seat and turns his face away from me. A bit of pink blossoms onto his face.

"Thanks.."

I mentally scold myself, knowing I had  once again gone too far. Dan wasn't used to compliments yet, despite me telling him some every day;

"I love your little curls, I always wonder how they formed.."

"Hey, you're looking better today! That shirt really suites you."

"Sometimes I want to eat your eyes, they look like dark chocolate."

"Dan I'm in love with your little dimple, can I squeeze your face?!"

Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't the compliments more than how I phrased them. But they would sometimes make him smile widely and blush, which was the absolute cutest thing in the world. And I would literally do anything to make him smile.

Now you may he thinking, "that's cute and all, but uh.. Dan's a murderer!" I knew that, and the thought crossed my mind many times a day. But the thing is, he never shows it. He doesn't look at me with a dangerous gleam in his eyes, nor is he sneaking around trying to escape and go a rampage. The only time alarms have gone off is when I saw him alone with a knife in the kitchen. I stopped short, my heart hammering. Too late I realized he was only cutting up a plate of fruit for himself. When he saw me staring at him, he dropped the knife with a clatter and backed away from it, eyes terrified.

"Phil I know that look in your eyes- No, no no no, I would never- I swear I wasn't going to-"

I immediately feel guilty for thinking he would ever do something. He had a good heart, despite his horrible past doings. I've caught him silently crying in the room he was staying in, staring down at a small bracelet he always wears. I've never gotten a good look at it, but I think its something one of his dads gave him or something.

I had cut him off from his frantic explanation with open arms, a gesture we had created for me asking silently if I could hug him. He nods, body shaking slightly. I walk forward and hold him in a hug, holding his frail form close to mine. I feel his shaking increase, and I more securely wrap my arms around him. His shaking slowly dies down, and I feel him exhale deeply.

I always thought it was rather unfair that Dan now leads the life he did. Yes he chose to do what he did, but when you only grow up around people constantly doing terrible things, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. When you think about it, the whole world is a long line of people doing something bad to someone else, then that person takes it out on someone else, and so on. If Dan hadn't been around the people he had been around, he would be living a good life without 8 peoples blood on his hands. And he never would've felt the urge to do what he did.