10.31.2021 | 2 am | 17 years old
dear diary,
johnny, all these mixed signals you are sending me, they are driving me crazy. i want to punch you, but i want to punch myself even more for falling so deep.
one day, you can be the sweetest human being i've ever met in my life, but the next you can trample on my heart and toss me into the garbage with just one stare.
i don't understand. what have i done wrong? was it because i was a "slut" for kissing her boyfriend? i didn't even touch him.
i've been saving all my firsts, my first kiss, in fact (did you know that?) for you. let me recall, who did you give your first kiss to? a random girl you didn't even stay in contact with from middle school.
the blank look you gave me today hurts. it really, really hurts, especially since you were so nice to me yesterday night. oh, i forgot, cleaning sauce for a girl probably doesn't mean anything to you at all.
i've tried so, so hard. do i look like a desperate bitch to you? did you know that i cried on nadia's shoulder for over an hour yesterday? no, you won't ever know, because you probably don't care at all.
i can't even face anyone in school now. they are calling me terrible things behind my back. slut. ass. bitch. whore. hoe. you name it, they can say it. i hate it, i hate it so much.
but at the same time, i have been thinking. maybe they call me that for a reason. maybe i have really been behaving like a slut. maybe that's why you were so cold to me.
you must think that i'm an easy girl.
i always thought that you were the light of my life. i always thought that you would protect me forever, but now i'm so vulnerable and scared. i don't know what else to do. i don't want to be weak anymore. i don't want them to step on me anymore. i'm going to be strong, for myself. i'm going to make everyone regret crossing me.
since everyone is already labelling me as a slut, why not make it real? no one would care anyway.
mackenzie
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dear diary | jenzie
Fanfiction[completed] "after all, he'll just be a sweet memory at the end of the day" she will do anything for him to notice her, even if it means giving up on everything and becoming someone she isn't. but only her diary holds her innermost feelings toward...
