The Bloodlust Alpha

22|| haven't lost everything

Maybe she wouldn't have died with her own tears and cries the only thing she hears.

Maybe she wouldn't have been alone.

Maybe if I wasn't so weak, she would have lived.

I shot up from where I laid, eyes wide open and my heart rate rising. I could feel the sweat form on my skin, my hair damp from my nightmares. My heart pounded against my ears, the only thing I could hear being my own gasps for breaths. I shut my eyes, burying my face in my hands and leaned forward.

It'd been a while since I last had one.

A nightmare.

I honestly forgot about them. These nightmares that haunted me constantly over the last four years. The bliss of not having them in a long time broken with tonight. I glanced over to the clock and sighed.

3:32 am.

I felt cold again.

I felt myself slipping like I did ever so often when I got myself into these episodes. The chilling reality of who I am- was still latching onto me despite everything I've accomplished. Each life I saved, each life I took, I would remember them.

It didn't matter which one.

It was unforgiving all the same.

I tried to force my breathing down, tried to handle everything by myself once more when I felt him. Two strong arms enclosed around me, a bare warm chest pressing onto my back. His comforting scent surrounds me and I momentarily feel myself calm. The bond between us doing its wonders as tingles and waves of comfort meet my panic. His skin felt so right against mine. Like he'd been made to touch me.

I allow myself this bliss.

As undeserving as I was for it, I allowed myself to take comfort in the little good my life has given me.

"Are you alright?"

The husk in his tone makes me shiver and I unconsciously press myself into him. As if he was some form of solace I could have to shield me away from everything. From all the pain and hurt. It'd be so nice if I could pretend it was like that. If I could just forget everything and instead just relish in the way he held me.

My head falls to the side of his face, my temple resting at his cheek. The warmth his body was emitting calmed both me and my wolf. The kiss he so softly brushed against my temple only served to remedy the ache in my chest.

"I'm fine."

I tell him, but he could feel I was lying. There was no lying with mate bonds. I could only hope he chose not to say anything. Raizel trails another kiss to my exposed marked neck before he rests his forehead against my shoulder. His arms tightens around me. We sat there in silence, engulfed in the thick atmosphere I knew we would have to break soon.

"Who's Lila?"

I tried to stay calm.

But the minute that name left his lips, I felt myself freeze up.

The lump that had been shoved down my throat was back again but this time the hurt i felt in my heart intensified. I was shaking. I know I was.

And I hated myself for it.