Crash and Burn (1)

you make me strong too, lace

He would only be able to remind me to breathe if he was breathing.

"Soren, are you afraid of death?"

It came tumbling from my lips timidly—and completely unplanned. I cringed instantly, unsure of where this conversation would go. Over the few days, we'd had our fair share of late night conversations about whether robots were going to take over the world or if the moon landing was fake, but this question was rooted in something too serious.

Something that genuinely scared me. Soren always proved to be crazy and reckless and unsafe; he didn't think before he acted, and he didn't hesitate before he reacted.

His eyes darkened infinitesimally, swirling with something akin to remorse? It was hard to tell with all the fleeting emotions that were always fighting to break free within Soren. It could take me years to decode the simplest fragment.

"Sometimes." Soren echoed my response nonchalantly. "I was afraid of not seeing you again. I was afraid that you'd be alone."

Every. Single. Word.

Every single word twisted my heart. Like he was trying to hurt me. "That's... I-"

I shifted in the pillows, holding his gaze as he dragged a hand along my cheek. Deep within the pits of an ocean, that bittersweet emotion rang true. "I think that I should be dead, Lace."

He was trying to hurt me. Those words hit me harder than a physical blow.

As I flinched back, Soren inhaled sharply. "I can't tell you that I don't feel that way, Lacey." His fingertips grazed my bottom lip soothingly. "I should be dead, but I'm not... which means that I'm not fucking done here."

Despite the weight of his words, a smile fought forward. He was right; he'd escaped death too many times to waste it. He was supposed to be here for something, and the fact that he believed that made me love him even more.

Determined, devoted Soren Calloway.

"You aren't." I agreed, pressing off of his chest gingerly. "Do you really want to get up? You probably need another shower." 

Soren stuck his lower lip out. "I'm ready. Take a shower with me."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. But we're doing it my way, Soren."

His brows rose as I stood up. Half concealed in white sheets and giving me a mischievous grin, Soren Calloway made me want to do things every way possible. "Your way? I'm so ready for your way."

It was a casual statement, teasing even, but it sent a flood of heat through me. The complete and utmost trust he held in me to keep him safe... to take care of him.

Barely able to process that responsibility, I completely missed his dark blur sitting up on the bed. "Ah, Soren!" Before I could stop him, he yanked me over his chest harshly. "Soren!" I huffed when his lips met mine. "What the fuck?"

"Mmm. I'm willing to do it your way if you give me a kiss."

"You know you don't have to barter, Calloway." I pouted against him. "I'd give you anything you wanted."

Anything. I should've been more specific.

Because when I pulled away to find his eyes boring into me intensely, I already knew what he was going to say.

"Let me fuck you," he drawled with a longing that made me freeze. "Please."

"Soren..." I warned, squirming in his grip to avoid that pleading gaze. "You're hurt."