Crash and Burn (1)

you're never going to lose me

**UPDATE 12/31/21: GUESS WHO SHOWS UP IN THIS CHAPTER????! Feels like a two-parter so Imma post the next chapter rn—

♚ ♛

HE LEFT ME WITH that one word.

One word.

Siempre. Always.

For two days, that one word was my mantra.

Siempre. Always. No matter what.

He'd understand. I just had to find the right time to tell him.

But as I stood there in the middle of the small loft, swimming in one of his t-shirts and watching him look at some piece of paper on the countertop, everything caught in my throat.

It was a deadly concoction of guilt and panic and desperation and complete misery. It was eating me alive.

Breathe.

His eyes flashed up to meet mine and it knocked me back a step. Swirling with that familiar devotion and teasing, Soren only gazed at me for a long moment in silence.

And then one brow quirked up.

"What's wrong, Lace?" Soren asked, opening his book and slipping the paper in without looking away from me. "Are you okay? Do you feel sick again?"

Sick? Yes.

"No." The lie slipped through me like a lethal injection, chilling the blood in my veins. I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't figure out whether it was real nausea or just guilt. Churning in the pit of my stomach and swelling in my chest, all I knew was that it stirred up tears in my eyes.

Breathe.

In. Out.

My lips parted and for one second, I had all the intent to tell him.

But then he moved abruptly, taking one step towards me.

The single motion tilted my entire vision, sending that nausea rocketing through my limbs. Before I could stop myself, I was skidding back on my heels and racing to the bathroom.

"Lacey!" Soren called, just as I slammed the door shut.

A broken cry ripped forward.

"Lacey," Soren called again, knocking on the door. All it took was the gentle rap and everything flooded up my throat with a burning sensation.

As I spit acid into the sink, the tears finally broke through, spilling along my cheeks with a hot sting. They just wouldn't stop. In a matter of seconds, my whole body was racking with the sudden sobs.

"Lacey, what is going on?" Soren asked tenderly, his voice muffled by the wood that separated us. I was beginning to think that if I kept that wood between us, it would be easier to tell him.

The words bubbled up my throat again, but then he asked softly, "Are you mad at me?"

Instead of words, a laugh burst out. Mad at him? He was going to be so mad at me. "No, no!" I finally gasped, gripping the sink to stand straight. A trickle of spit ran over my lips and I swiped it away. "I'm not mad at you, I love you!"

"Then what's wrong?"

He sounded desperate.

I didn't blame him. The past two days had been nothing but what I'd always wanted. It had been normal. Domestic. We'd made dinner together and read books and showered. He'd let me draw him.