IF... [BOOK I]

IF... I learn it the hard way

Ungggh.

My head hurt. I had not been able to sleep well these past few days. The reason behind it was no other than the alien resided within me.

From the first time it showed its existence to me, it took him a week or so before he came up to the surface again. During that gap, I sometime sensed his existence, yet he refused to talk me up. 

But ever since that day, it was so comfortable to be out of my consciousness. It did not bother to mask its presence anymore.

It was there, so clear, as bright as the day. And as the consequence, my days had been living hell.

How could a person handle two pieces of mind, really. Or at least, I can hear another voice inside a part which I believed to be my own piece of consciousness.

Now, how should I handle such madness?

Practice, of course ku~ They said practice makes perfect. You just need to train your mind and body to adjust with the current situation ku~

"Easy for you to say that" mumbled me whilst trying to get up from my bed.

It was a good decision to live by myself after all -- thanks to my shut-in personality.

Once I ever had a roommate. She abandoned me less than a week after we were living together. That was quite a record, ain't it.

"Say, Alien-Sir, why don't you go back to your slumber? Why do you suddenly decide to be out of your shell like this?"

Heh.

"What's with that arrogant tone -- you really piss me off"

 I don't know ku~

"Huh? What?"

As I said, I don't know. I don't know how it's all started. The second I woke up, I just knew that I am you, ku. And for that reason, I feel the need to make you aware that ku~

"What kind of explanation is that, Alien-Sir?!" The rage boiled in my stomach "How could you not know when you are always so high-and-mighty with your words just like some know-it-all Sir?!" 

Emotion, huh, ku. I don't fancy that bubbly personality of yours. I have to adjust with your fast changing feeling and emotion inside here. Human surely are fragile yet wilful ku~

"You start spewing nonsense again, Alien-Sir"

You said that, however, I am fully sure you do understand what I am saying ku~

"There you try brainwashing me again, huh"

You are really hilarious, kuu~ I don't need such petty method to begin with. How come you still persistently ignore the fact that I am you?! kuu~

Irk!

Of course, I can confidently said that you do understand me, dunce. Simply because I am you ku~

"..."

Your knowledge is my knowledge, and that works for the other way around. We probably seem like two sets of mind, kuu~ But to some degree we are one. I seem separated, but the whole mechanism works as one unit of coherent system ku~

"..."

I just put them into words for you. But if you were to search properly, the knowledge were there all along, ku. Your persistent self chose to be ignorant. Up until -- BAM! -- I broke into your highest level of consciousness ku~

"Do you, perhaps, believe I can understand such complicated things like this?"

The fact that you are willing to listen and obediently talking to me like this, is the living proof of it ku~

"I probably need more sleep"

Suit yourself ku~ Sweet dream kuu~

***

From that moment on, I was not able to freely think by myself anymore.

For the fact that I was slowly accepting the existence of Alien-Sir as a part of me, I just knew that it knew what was going on inside me.

There were no secrets between us. Conflicts perhaps, but surely not secrets.

I still went to the office and living as usual, but I perceived world in a different light.

Jimmi was still the good-looking guy whose face was his only good point. But beneath that, I started to feel another "version" lurking behind his back.

It was not only Jimmi, it happened for everybody I encountered. All the people -- no exception. 

But the "version" was different for each person. Some were so vivid but the others were faint to the point of almost fleeting. And of course, Alien-Sir was no longer voice at this moment.

After that heart-to-heart -- although we practically shared the same organ -- conversation I had with it, I began to be able to visualise it.

He had a visible form. Pale blue humanoid with no eye. Just a wide smiling lips who loved to spew nonsense.

It was stuck to me from my back neck and extending to wherever it wanted. However it never went far though. At most was two-feet from where I was at the moment.

It was quite a ruckus the first time I was able to visually sense him. The attempt to cut it off my shoulder was a real deal.

But the fact that the kitchen knife did nothing to him and grazed my skin instead, was a hard blow to my reality.

Just like that, I knew it was pointless. It was beyond a mere physical form I could attach or detach.

It was sickeningly me -- my freaking "version".

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