An Unexpected Love || M.YG √

T H I R T Y

"Yeah..." I reply looking away from him, my own tears building.

"I'm really sorry, Barbara. I wanted to love you. I thought I could, I thought I did." He says sincerely.

We sit in silence for a while. I know it's going to hurt, but I need to hear him say it.

"Say it." I mutter. "What?" He responds, confused. "Say it, Tae. Say why you can't love me." I respond. "You know why." He whispers.

"But I need to hear you say it." I say, a single tear falling down my cheek. My heart is in shatters right now. I didn't know it could hurt this bad.

He begins to stutter again, before letting out another heavy sigh. After a few seconds, he gathers his courage.

"Because I'm in love with Jangmi."

"Tell me everything, I deserve to know." I say, fighting back my sobs.

He inhales sharply before opening his mouth to speak.

"I've been in love with her for a year, since I first met her. But I saw the relationship blooming between her and Yoongi hyung. I didn't want to get in the way, so I never acted on my feelings, I never told her. Instead I sat back and watched her be happy with someone else. That someone else being my brother, my best friend." He says, holding back his tears.

"And I know that she will never love me back. I know that we will never be together, I could never do that to him anyway. But it's so hard. It's devastating to watch them together, it hurts. A lot." He continues.

"But I never used you as a way to get over her, I promise. I did have genuine feelings for you. I still do... But-" He stops, allowing a second to pull himself together.

"But I just can't fall in love with you, no matter how hard I try." He whispers, turning to look at me, holding my hands gently.

"It's why I've distanced myself from you for the last couple weeks. I just kept thinking about it, about how I know I could never go further with you, and the thought of hurting you. I was trying to process it and figure out what to do." He continues.

"I do love you, Barbara. But I can't be in love with you." He says, tears staining his cheeks. I can see the genuine hurt in his expression.

"I don't think she knows. To be honest she only has eyes for Yoongi hyung, everything else around her she's oblivious to. Especially when he's in the room." He says.

"They're made for each other, soul mates. I know that they will spend the rest of their lives together no matter what. I want her to be happy, both of them. But sometimes my selfish side comes out and I can't help my thoughts or my feelings." He continues, wiping tears away.

"I've tried oppressing those feelings, I've tried getting over her, but it's impossible. It doesn't work. And sometimes I hate myself for it, for being in love with my brother's girlfriend. I feel like I'm betraying him." He says, holding his head in his hands sobbing.

"You're not betraying him. You haven't acted on those feelings. You've tried your best to stop them and ignore them, you haven't confessed to her or asked her to leave him. People can't help who they fall in love with." I say, trying to comfort him.

"But... I have. Once." He mutters.

I'm taken aback. I remove my arm from his back, pressing him to explain.

"It was a few months ago. I'd just woken up in the morning and left you to go to the kitchen. I saw her and she was alone in the kitchen eating breakfast. I was stupid and I couldn't help myself, I don't even know what the fuck I was doing, it was embarrassing to be honest." He says.

"Nothing happened between us physically, but there was a moment. And I was about to act on it and move closer, then you walked in the room. After that, she came and stood next to me, placing her bowel in the sink... And I kind of flirted with her, I ran my hand down her back." He says, sighing heavily.

"Are you serious? With me in the room?!" I yell.

"I'm so sorry..." He mutters.

"This is why I don't fucking trust easily." I mutter, looking away from him.

"You know, I thought you were the one to help me, Tae. To make me finally have a reason to trust. I really went through some shit that left permanent mental scars." I say in an angry tone.

"I was in love. It was a couple years ago. I thought he was the love of my life, that he was amazing, but we were never actually a couple. We developed a close bond after he broke up with his girlfriend, I even let him stay at my house when he said he had nowhere to go. Turns out he lied to me, he pretended to love me. But even when he was staying at my house, he was still with his girlfriend. The whole time he was lying and using me." I say, sobbing.

"The only reason I found out is because he disappeared and blocked me on everything out of the blue, I couldn't contact him. Until a while later, I saw him come up on a picture online with his girlfriend. She was pregnant. They planned it too... After that, I've had severe issues trusting anybody since. I had relationships but they didn't last long due to my trust issues and insecurities." I continued.

"But I let my guard down with you, because I never imagined I would have to keep it up if I was with you. I was so proud of myself, Tae." I say, lowering my head.

"I'm sorry, Barbara. I really am. I don't want to lose you, even if we can't be together, I want you in my life." He says, pleading.

"I think I need time." I mutter.

"I understand... I don't blame you. This is my fault." He says, getting up from the couch.

"I'm sorry." He says, leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead, his single tear dropping onto my face.

I watch him leave the apartment, closing the door behind him.

I thought you were different.