Officially Us

19 - Why, why, why, why? Fucking why?

Six months later.

I thought today would be an easy, chill, 'worry about nothing and just feel kind of decent' day.

That Tanner, Morgan and I could spend our day down at the football club because none of us had any other plans. That we could just watch an easy, chill game of footy that none of us needed to play in, with a bunch of our friends who were heading down to hang out for the day because we had nothing better to do with our weekend.

But life couldn't just give me 'easy' and 'chill,' could it?

It has to screw me over and throw my gorgeous, heart-destroying ex-girlfriend and her adorably hilarious nephew literally smack bang in front of me, completely derailing my 'I'm finally moving on' train, and setting me back years in recovery.

Why did she have to be here?

Why did she have to still be so goddamn beautiful?

Why did she have to hold Madden in that way, and look even more perfect with him in her arms than ever before?

Why did she have to laugh at him and remind me how transcendent it was to hear that amazing sound?

Why did she have to be walking back to her car at the same time as we were?

Why did she have to face Madden in our direction so Morgan could wave at the little cutie, and so he would raise and shake his chubby, little, muddy hands at us emphatically?

Why did she just stand there watching us watch her?

Why didn't she say anything?

Why didn't I say something to her?

Why did she have to smile at me like that?

Why did it look like the saddest smile I've ever seen?

Why did she look like she had been crying?

Why was there a bruise on her neck that looked strangely like fingerprints?

Why didn't I go make sure she was okay?

Why wouldn't my feet move?

Why couldn't I talk?

Why did my brain just abandon me altogether?

Why did she have to steal my heart away, again? 

Why, why, why, why? Fucking why?