To Be His (Completed)

18

I grab the bowl of vanilla ice cream in front of me and rewind Old School to where I was. I laugh every now and then as the film nears its conclusion. There's a knock on the door and I wonder who it could be at this hour. I place my empty bowl on the far end of the sofa before unwrapping my blanket off of me. I walk over to the door and back at the teli when I hear a loud commotion. I missed what it was and continue walking towards the door.

The knocking restarts as I unlock the door. I open it without thinking and see trainers before me. I follow the pair of trainers up and notice the dark jeans that connect to a black coat. I keep trailing up the body until I'm met with none other than Liam's face. "What are you doing here?" I ask him as I walk out of my home into the night's misty air. "I told you we needed to talk in person," Liam states and I wrap my arms around myself.

"You were right about a few things, but you were wrong to question my authority," Liam begins to say, but I cut him short. I'd really rather not hear this right now. I raise my hand to signal to him to stop talking and start speaking, "I honestly don't care, but I don't understand why you felt the need to say this to me in person. Nor why you came all the way to my home for it." I shake my head as I speak and unconsciously start walking away from him.

"I know you had to go to my file to find my address, but isn't this all a bit much-," I say, but stop when my chest collides with his. "I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying V," Liam speaks ever so softly and I gaze into his eyes. "I didn't just come to talk about finances. I came here to talk to you about your letter," he tells me as he pulls it out. My eyes widen and I try to step away, but he pulls me back towards him.

"Is it true?" Liam asks and I stay still. How can I possibly admit to him the truth now?

-- Liam's POV --

I received Vanessa's envelope Friday morning but didn't bother looking at until today. Work has swallowed up most of my time and helping Richard and Brook plan their wedding has left me without a break. So when I finally got the chance to read Vanessa's letter, I made sure I had no interruptions. Her words haunt me and I can't get them out of my mind.

Dear Liam Brickman,

In this letter, I will do more than apologize for my unprofessional behaviour, I'll explain why I behaved as such.

I need you to understand that it was never my intention to speak to you about the events that occurred during our company's Thanksgiving Break. I also didn't mean to get so heated when you told me to back off on Mr Jackson, but you must understand it from my perspective. You hired a man whose credentials were forged and company employees were being paid for being non-existent. It's my job to ensure events like this never occur, but when I found out this started a few months after the success of this company, I kept digging. I should have trusted you to do your job after informing you, but I didn't want the company to continue losing money because of this. And for that, I apologize.

Now, onto the more personal side of this matter. Yes, I was a virgin before that night. No, I'd never performed any kind of sexual activity before that. No, you didn't make me do anything sexual that I didn't want as well. Did I think you were insane with some of the acts we performed? Yes, but nevertheless I thank you for it. You did something no one has ever been able to do. You opened up my mind all these insecurities and desires I had/have. I never knew I didn't have the confidence to be intimate with someone. I didn't know that the reason I wanted to lose my card that night was that of the fact I'd been rejected by so many times by men, time and time again.

My fear of abandonment did me over. My fear of failure to please others made me feel worthless and unwanted, which, in turn, made me want others to please me for a change. I didn't know that all those drinks I put in my system were because of an underlying issue. That being the fact that I never felt loved growing up. I had to constantly fight the world to survive (or at least what felt like it), to be someone who wasn't overly criticized and degraded by those around her. I was the girl who was so engulfed in her own world, I forgot how to breathe. That lack of breath made me sink until I was drowning. I just wanted to feel loved and cared for.