BAE BOY

3-9

Now, the idea, when I got home later that evening, was to settle that "not the love of my life" business once and for all, right?

That wasn't going to happen. And I'm gonna throw you right into the deep end so you can really feel what my life was going to be like. If I let it be. We'll get into that later on. How I felt about that and what I planned to do about it.

But anyway, I didn't even see my wife that evening. They'd run off with her, the girls and Joie. I mean, you would've thought it was some kinda of goddamned royal wedding the way they were carrying on.

I headed straight for the girls' house, because I figured that was where everybody would be hanging out, getting ready for the big day. And dinner thing we were having that night before, to gather all the crews and committees together one last time so they could hit the ground running.

See, the "thank you" get together I'd wanted had become more like a meeting. And that was fine with me, too. Because the more I heard about all the work they'd already done, and how excited everyone was to see all that work being done, the more I wanted them to have free rein.

What I didn't expect was for all of Joie's crazy queens to be rushing around the house like the end of the world was coming. They were everywhere. Even cooking in the kitchen, but everybody was sort of flitting in and out of there with paper plates, too busy to sit down and eat properly. Busy with what, I wasn't sure.

I got the usual, "Oh, hey, Bae," with the air, cheek and lip kisses as they flew by. Baby Doll and Miss Mochachocalata--yeah, like the song--handed me a plate and a big red plastic tumbler thing full of some sort of wine as they passed by.

And Baby turned and smooched at me one last time on her way to wherever. She was one of the rookies. Just getting her look down. Rough around the edges, but she had the face and the walk for it. And she was always reminding me that we were almost the same age. Just in case.

So I was just taking a sip of the wine when Joie came flying in she'd been launched from a catapult or something, snatched the tumbler and the plate away from me, and said, "Suit! Now! So I can get back over there!"

"Where's my--"

"My house. Your things are here. Let's go!"

I followed her into the sun room in back where she'd decided all the men's stuff should be. It looked like Fashion Week in there. With the wardrobe racks and stuff against one wall and all the squirrels running around, sewing, ironing, arguing.

She started looking through all these big garment bags and babbling, "I told them to put yours out where I could--dammit! I don't have time for this!"

I said, "Well, I'm not staying at the thing all that long, so we could always do this later on."

She finally grabbed the garment bag she'd been looking for and said, "No, we want you to rest. Kendall's going to stay with me, so she can rest."

"Wait, when--"

"You have to be up early!"

"I do? Since when?"

Juke Boxx rushed in looking all frazzled, "Can he talk to KVOA?"

Joie rolled her eyes and said, "God, these damned TV people! Tell them to wait a minute!"