The Unknown Road

64 - Tessa

I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO Archie for nearly three days.

When he said Matt was taking him to the airport, I don't even know where my mind went. It went straight to the worst. It went straight to what Chloe had said, even though she'd apologised and said she didn't mean any of it. It went straight to him leaving me. But it didn't just go to him leaving, it went to him moving on to a new, better life in America where I could no longer be in his way.

But every day I thought about it harder, trying to get my head around it, but then every day ended the same. It ended with me crying about Archie not wanting me there.

I was disappointed in him. I felt like he was a coward, just like he said he was, because he didn't want me there. I doubted him, I doubted our relationship, and by the time I got home I felt worse than I had ever felt in my entire life. I was so angry I could barely speak.

But now I was running out of time. And as the last day came for me to think about it, I realised I'd been so stupid. And so selfish.

It wasn't him leaving me, it was the opposite.

It was that he didn't want to leave me, and me coming with him will only make it harder for him to be able to leave.

That last day wasn't me being mad at him. It was me being so embarrassed over how I acted that I didn't want to see him. The thought of him being disappointed in how I reacted was shameful enough for me to never come out of my room again.

But I didn't have a choice.

He was leaving today, later on this afternoon, and there was no way I was letting him leave without telling him how sorry I was and that I wouldn't have been surprised if he was disappointed in me, and never wanted to see me again. A huge part of me wanted him not to forgive me, because I deserved to live with the shame of how I acted. But I knew he probably would... because he's Archie and he's incredible.

These last few days have proved how amazing he is compared to me. If it was the other way round, he would have accepted it. He never would have stormed off, driven off and then shut him out for days.

I could hear he was still in his room when I finally decided to get over myself and go and talk to him. Before I knocked, I could hear him mumbling to himself, putting stuff into bags and boxes for us to send on later, and when I did knock, the sound of his voice came like it was the first word I'd heard in years. It was a relief.

I open the door slowly and he has his back to me, packing away some jumpers into box. When he hears the door hit against the chest of drawers, then sees me standing in the doorway, he drops the jumpers and comes straight over to me, pulling me into his arms and wrapping them around me like a cocoon. He never hesitated, just like I knew he wouldn't.

We didn't say anything for ages, he just held me, he kissed the top of my head, gently rocking me from side to side.

I speak first. I pull my head up and look at him. "Archie, I'm so sorry." I snuggle back into him after kissing the side of his jaw, pulling myself into him as close as I can.

After a few more minutes I feel him shaking his head. "I'm sorry okay." I look at him and he cuts me off before I can say anything. "No, I am okay. Of course I want you there, but I know I'm not strong enough to go through those gates if you're there." He sniffs and his voice falters. "I need you. I need you more than I realised, and I'm going to be and feel empty without you."

He cups both of my cheeks with his hands and leans forward to kiss me. When he pulls away, a tear has fallen loose and his eyes are glassy.

"I don't want to go."