TROUBLED || thirteen reasons why

026.

Tristan lags behind Caroline as they leave school. She can't stop thinking about Justin. Her every thought is clouded by imagining him sick and dying and he doesn't want her around because she told him she hated him. Tristan could never hate him. He was the one who always looked out for her when their one of their mom's boyfriends picked on her. He fed her and helped her with homework when Amber was too drunk or too hung up on drugs. The girl can't think of a time where Justin didn't put her first, and she told the only person she has ever loved that she hated him. The only person Tristan really hates is herself.

"Tristan," A voice pulls Tristan from her deep thoughts and she turns around to see Zach running to catch up to her with his baseball gear clung to his shoulder. Caroline glances at Tristan to make sure she is okay, and Tristan lets out a deep breath before telling Caroline she'll meet her by the car.

Tristan wraps her arms around herself as he approaches her, "What do you want, Zach?"

Zach sighs heavily and looks at Tristan for a moment before he speaks, "I can't do this anymore, Tris. I can't take it."

"What are you talking about?" Tristan's eyebrows furrow, scanning Zach's face for any explanation for what he said.

"I care about you. So much, Tris." Zach exasperates, throwing his gear onto the ground and stepping close to Tristan.

Tristan scoffs and puts her hand on his chest to give them space, "How can you seriously say that? You haven't spoken to me in months, you asshole. Do you honestly think I'm going to believe you?"

"What was I supposed to do? You freaked the fuck out the last time we were together, after everything you've been through, I didn't want to hurt you more." Zach says, his hand brushing against Tristan's, who jerks her hand away.

"Fuck you, Zach," Tristan spits, "You did hurt me. You knew what happened, and you just expected me to be... normal? I can't be normal, Zach! I needed someone to be there for me, and you fucking left me... just like Justin."

"Tris, I'm sorry for leaving, I shouldn't have ever done that. Just please listen to me-"

"Zach, come on! We're going to be late!" A couple baseball boys interrupt Zach and shout at him as they start to walk towards the field.

"In a minute!" Zach snaps back, irritation taken over his face before he turns back to Tristan, "Tristan, please let me make this up to you. I want this to work out with us."

Tristan rolls her eyes, "I'm sorry, Zach, if I led you on or something, but I can't do this right now."

Tristan turns to walk away from him, but Zach quickly steps in front of her again, "Wait, what are you talking about, Tris? I want to be there for you, let me be there for you."

"Dempsey!" Another baseball player shouts towards the boy who is desperately looking for something, anything in Tristan's eyes.

Tristan looks away from Zach, "You should go, I don't want you to be late."

The girl takes one last look at Zach's disappointed face before she turns her back and walks away. Zach watches after her for a moment before shaking his head, grabbing his equipment, and heading towards the fields.

Caroline parks on the curb beside Tristan's house. Tristan hasn't said a word since she got into her friends car, and she can't wrap her head around Zach. Caroline has noticed her silence and speaks up, "Hey, Tris, you okay?"

Tristan nods and clears her throat, "Yeah, I just... I don't know."

"Tris, listen, if anything happens, you call me. I will come, no questions asked." Caroline smiles as her eyes meet Tristan's. Tristan's smile falters as soon as she steps out of the girl's car and she walks closer to the house she has grown to hate. Memories flood her mind and the pain from her bruises washes over her.

She quietly opens the door to her house and takes a deep breath before going inside. Tristan sees no sign of Seth as she drops her bag to the floor and plops onto the couch, releasing a large breath.

"Tristan?" A voice comes from the kitchen. The girl jolts up and she can feel hair standing on the back of her neck. Her mother runs out of the kitchen and looks at Tristan with teary eyes.

"Mom?" Tristan asks, her brows contort in confusion at Amber fidgeting in front of her, "What are you doing here? I thought you had work?"

Amber wraps her arms around herself as she shifts weight from one foot to the other, "I-I couldn't go today, I... was worried sick. I thought-"

Amber erupts into sobs and she engulfs Tristan into a tight hug, "I thought you left... like Justin,"

"Mom," Tristan pulls away from her mother, "stop."

"But- but you promised. You promised me that-that you wouldn't leave like him. You Promised." Amber continues on her hysterical rant with tears streaming down her face, scaring Tristan by the sight of it.

"I know, Mom, I know," Tristan rubs her mom's back in an attempt to comfort the crying woman, "I just couldn't stay here after..."

Silence falls over the two, neither knowing what to say to fix what has happened. Amber reaches up and runs her slender finger across Tristan's busted lip. The women stares at what her boyfriend has caused and she hates herself for not being able to help her daughter.

"You said you wouldn't run away. You promised," Amber repeats, cupping Tristan's face, "I love you, baby. I don't want you to leave again."

"I know."