TROUBLED || thirteen reasons why

015.

Tristan walks outside after fifth period, and the cool autumn air eases her tense mind. She leans against the brick wall and closes her eyes, trying to forget all of her worries even for just a moment.

"Tristan."

The girl's eyes pop open and she sees Clay Jensen closing the heavy door and walking towards her.

"What do you want, Clay?" Tristan huffs, her eyes falling closed again.

"I need to talk to you about something." The seriousness in his tone makes Tristan open her eyes again, panic washing over her body as she meets Clay's eyes.

"What?"

"Fuck, um, I don't know how well you knew Hannah Baker but..." Clay starts and Tristan's eyebrows contort into confusion. "After Hannah died, she left old cassette tapes to the people that made her do that. I'm on them, so is Justin, and Zach, and Jess... I need to ask you something, because Hannah mentions something, and if it's true, I want you to know that I can help you."

It feels as though Tristan's blood has frozen and she squeezes her eyes shut at the thought of what he is about to ask. She feels overwhelmed and can't wrap her head around what he is actually saying, "What the fuck are you talking about, Clay?"

The boy sighs and pulls out an old Walkman radio. He ejects the tape from the reader and flashes it towards Tristan, "This, Hannah left these and I think you are on one."

Tristan is on a tape? She made Hannah kill herself? She feels like the wind got kicked out of her, and she can hardly breathe when Clay hands her a set of headphones, "Here, you can listen if you want."

Tristan stares at him, not believing what is coming out of his mouth. She releases a shaky breath and takes the headphones from his hand. He presses play.

"-So here I am, the brand new me, living the same old life. Part of me knew I shouldn't go to Jessica's party that night, but another part of me couldn't help but wonder what, or who, I might be missing out on. I thought maybe starting over didn't mean I had to cut myself off completely. Maybe I had been hanging with the wrong people. Maybe I could start over with the right person. But if I would have known what was going to happen, I would have never walked through that door. But parties have a weird magic, they're like an alternate universe. They can make you believe that anything is possible, that maybe you do fit in after all.

I saw the girl you were hanging with that night, Justin, and I told her that she shouldn't be around you after what you did to me. She responded by saying that she knew what she was doing, but she didn't, did she, Justin? Welcome to your second tape, Justin Foley.

There are three stories to tell about that night, I'll tell this one first. How did I end up in that bedroom? That's another story. But for now, Justin, you've been with the same girl all night, but I'm not going to call her out by name. Even though, if you were at this party, you already know. You both stumbled into the bedroom and I quickly got behind the wall and waited for my opportunity to slip past and out of the room. You helped her over to the bed, her tripping and knocking over her lamp in the process. And as I sit on the floor waiting to leave, I realized two things: One, I was drunk; Two, so was she. But I figured you would just give up on hooking up and leave her alone, at least I hoped you would. After what felt like minutes, things seemed to be winding down up there, not only was she drunk and clumsy, she seemed to be totally unresponsive. From what I can tell, it didn't go beyond kissing, one sided kissing at that. Nice guy as you are, you didn't take advantage of the girl. You wanted to, but when you finally gave up trying to get a reaction out of her, you left, closing the door behind you.

I stood up, stabilizing myself with the bed and began to walk towards the door. I could see your shoes from the light under the door where you were taking post right outside. As I reached the door, two more shoes came to view, and I stopped. The door opened, but you pulled it back, telling the guy no. But through the light from the door, I saw a closet, it's doors halfway open. I quickly moved into the closet and pulled the door to. Meanwhile your friend was convincing you to let him in that room. I waited, heart pounding, trapped in a tiny closet. The bedroom door opened again, and again you pulled it shut and made a joke of it all saying how wasted the girl was. I waited some more, and when the door opened the third time, you didn't close it back.

I know what you're thinking: maybe if this girl didn't have so much to drink, what happened next wouldn't have happened. But it was a party, everyone had too much to drink, and besides how can you blame someone for something that happened to them while they were unconscious. I shut my eyes tight, blood pounding in my ears. With the base thumping through the house, no one heard my cries. And with the base pumping, no one heard him walking across the room. Walking across the room, getting on the bed, the bed springs screaming under his weight. No one heard a thing.

You burst through the door shortly after, gaining the bravery to try to stop what your friend was attempting to do. But he quickly turned around and kicked you out, locking the door behind him and continuing on.

I had to do something, I had to make him stop, but I couldn't get my feet to move. It was dark in there and the music was loud, but I saw his face and I recognized his voice clear as day, and so would all of you. But this tape isn't about him, it's about you and me, Justin.

I don't know how many songs went by with my face buried in my hands. But finally I could hear him get off the bed. I waited for him to come to the closet and yank me out of my hiding place. But that never happened. He finished and walked right out of the room. It was over. I ran out of the closet and threw up in the first trashcan I saw. I looked over to the girl and covered her the best I could. With one last look, I left the girl on the bed and stumbled out of the room. I went down stairs, and that's where I saw you. Sitting on the couch, staring at nothing.

But you think that's the worst of it, Justin? That nothing worse could have happened? Well, this isn't the first time he's done this to someone close to you. The two girls you love the most were both hurt by the same person, someone you called a friend. I had to witness one. And the other, I had to let her cry into my arms after she told me all the times he has hurt her. But what did we do to stop this, Justin? We're both at fault here, and how are we supposed to live with it? How are they supposed to live knowing what he has done to them?"

Tristan feels sick to her stomach and hot tears fall from her eyes. She tears the headphones off her head and throws them at Clay, "Where did you get that?"

"Is that you? Are you the other girl?" Clay presses, ignoring the girl's questions and his glossy eyes meet her's, "Is it Bryce?"

Tristan can't do anything but vigorously shake her head, her throat so dry that it hurts. Her tears turn to sobs, and she recoils when Clay tries to touch her.

"What the fuck?" Tristan looks over with blurred vision and sees Justin marching out of the school and heading straight for Clay, "I told you to stay the fuck away from her! I'm going to kick your fucking ass, Jensen!"

The girl turns to Justin as he grabs Clay by the collar, "Did you know?"

Her voice is so small he didn't even hear her, his focus still on Clay, "Did you know? About these tapes?"

Justin looks at Tristan with so much pain in his eyes that she cries harder, "Tris, Hannah was full of shit. Everything she said on those tapes were lies. Nothing happened at the party. And nothing happened with you, right?"

Tristan closes her eyes as more tears stream down her face. A lump forms in her throat and she can't speak. She feels her body convulsing with sobs and she can't do anything to stop it. Justin grabs his sister's shoulders, his voice faltering, "Nothing happened, right?"

Tristan opens her eyes and sees the redness forming in his bright, sad eyes. She can't say anything, but a loud cry comes from her mouth. Justin's voice breaks and tears form in his eyes, "What did he do to you, Tris?"

The girl's lips tremble and then everything falls apart. Justin grabs her as she bursts into an ugly sob, her eyes burn with more tears and her hands clutch the back of Justin's neck. Tristan's throat is raw from the amount of loud, heaving cries and she feels terrible that she can't give her brother the answers he needs. She can feel Justin shaking and he smooths her hair as she cries more into his shirt.

He starts to lead the girl away from the school, but stops in his tracks and looks back towards Clay, "If you ever talk to my sister again, I'll fucking kill you."

__

Poor baby Tris, so now she knows that her brother knows about her secret.

What did y'all think about her in Hannah's tape?

We'll learn more about Tris' past in the next chapter...

As always leave a like and comment!