so far it's alright

Twelve

My brain woke up way to early the next morning. Music was still playing from the speaker I obviously forgot about last night. I rolled to face the gorgeous brunette asleep next to me, lightly tracing the side of his face. It must have been almost an hour that I lay there just watching him sleep. Matty's face was so childlike when he was relaxed, it was hard to imagine all of the bad shit that he'd been through looking at him like that. My mind drifts off thinking about what's going on between the two of us, last night I admitted that I like him but did that mean we were an item now? As an item would I be able to handle all the shows? I knew they planned on setting up a tour, the fan base wasn't too small, and mostly female. I rolled out of the bed softly, after my mind started racing I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep. I got dressed in a pair of galaxy leggings and a plain black hoodie grabbing my sneakers and headphones trying to sneak out of the room as quietly as I could.
"Morning love," Matty cooed softly his voice even more raspy first thing in the morning. I couldn't help but pad back over to where he was now spread out across the bed.
"Go back to sleep, I'll be back soon." I said softly kissing his forehead and then lips.

Getting back from my run I toss my headphones and mace into the dish by the door, kicking my sneakers off as well.
"So, your boyfriend seems pretty cool."
Chris starts before I even realized he was awake.
"He isn't my boyfriend, also why are you even awake what time did you get in?"
"You know very well what time I got home. I'd love to pretend I couldn't here that you were up but I'm sure the entire neighborhood could." He cringed.
"Fuck off, why are you up then"
"I've got to start packing and move my stuff into the new flat, classes start next week."
I can tell my brothers excited as he tells me about the plan. Pouring coffee I let him go on to me for a while before I excuse myself to shower.
"I'm going to head to the store anyway, gotta get some boxes."
I don't bother going into my room before I head to the shower turning the water on while simultaneously stripping off my sweaty work out gear. Stepping under the steaming water my mind drifted off to one of the nights I went out with Rowan, we were only 17 at the time.

My ankles wobbled trying to keep up with Row in my chunky black heels, I wasn't even sure how she convinced me to wear them. Honestly I wasn't even sure where we were.
"Who's house is this again?"
She giggled in response reminding me it was her cousins friend.
"Here," she reached into her purse pulling out a small bag, "it's just Xanax it's going to help you relax babe."
"I'm not sure Row, why don't we just grab some wine coolers and go back to mine."
"Take it, I promise it'll be a good night." Her sweet smile was so reassuring I let her pop the small circle into my mouth, following it down with the nip of schnapps I'd found in my parents liquor.
Rowan took my hand leading me up the steps into the flow of bodies. The music was so loud I could feel it in my chest like a second heartbeat. As we weaved through the house Rowan introduced me to various people and handed me drinks.
The next thing I knew we were dancing it felt so freeing just to let go of everything. We held each other's hands swaying our hips but trying our best to stay close to one another. I lost track of how many drinks we'd had, how long we'd been dancing, what time it was. Everything left my mind except how amazing it felt to dance. Someone's hands found my waist, turning my head slightly I could see that it was a boy a little older than me. He was cute, light colored eyes and a strong jaw, I couldn't see in the flashing lights but his hair looked blond almost brown.
"You're beautiful." He whispered to me.
The two of us continued dancing, I even turned to face him wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him close. Spinning around I searched the crowd for Rowan. She was gone.
"I've got to find my friend." I slurred to the light eyed boy with me. He pointed over my shoulder to the kitchen, where Rowan was on the counter legs wrapped around her latest victim. Laughing I turned back to the boy wrapping my arms around his neck again this time pulling his face to meet mine for a kiss. When I pulled away his eyes were wide, pupils huge. Smiling I leaned up again running my tongue over his bottom lip. His hands were fisted in my top now holding me against him. I lead him off the dance floor to the second floor finding ourselves and unlocked room that looked to be an office. My mind was flooded with calm as I undressed the both of us.
I left the room shortly after, kissing the boy goodbye and losing him in the crowd. Waving to Rowan I took my headphones from my small back and walked into the night back to my house.

Sighing I shut off the water the look on that boys face as I walked out of the room fresh in my mind. I saw him several times after that, barely remembering, certainly not giving him a repeat performance of that night. Every other day I would go out with her, take whatever pills we could get our hands on and drinking. I dried myself off wrapping the towel tightly around me as I left the bathroom.
"Morning sunshine." I said leaning against the doorframe to my bedroom. Matty was sitting up on the edge of the bed looking around the floor for his shirt.
"Hey, what's your plan today? I was sort of hoping I could actually take you out today."
"Uhh, I don't think I've got anything happening," his eyes looked so relieved hearing that I wasn't going to turn him down or run off again.
"Perfect, I'll be back in two hours dress comfy wear sneakers."