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The sound of running water. The water hitting his tan back as droplets ran down his body.


Ashton was confused, he wants to be good. He wants to get better but he didn't know how, he needed to get Michael back, he needed to apologize for everything he's done. Ashton hated who he has become, he's hated himself for so long that he doesn't think he can change his mind.


Calum and Luke have tried multiple times to tell Ashton ideas of how he can apologize to Michael but he needed it to be perfect, absolutely perfect. Michael deserves the best and that's exactly what he's going to do. The problem was that Ashton had zero ideas of what to do.


Ashton let the water run down his face as he just stood and stared at the shower wall. Ashton wanted Michael to be happy, it just hurt to know that Michael was happier without him. He knew it was his fault in the first place, he couldn't help it though. All he wanted was his Michael, what hurt the most was that he knew that he never had Michael in the first place. He had him for a little then he fucked up and then he lost Michael.


Ashton was snapped out of thoughts by Calum knocking on the door. "You ok Ash?"


Ashton sighed, does he want to lie to Calum or tell him the truth. Ashton shut off the water. "I'm a mess Calum." Ashton wasn't going to lie, he was a mess. His head was just a fucked up mess.


"Ash," Calum tried opening the door.


"I'm fine, Cal. Just go away, I'm coming out soon anyway."


He could hear Calum sigh as he left. Ashton ran his hand through his dripping wet hair. "Why am I like this?" Ashton asked as he looked through the mirror. Ashton hated what he saw, he hated everything. He looked at his old self-harming scars that were all over his arms. He thought his anger was getting better, but when Michael came into their lives, everything came crumbling down Nothing was the same, he became the same very monster he was afraid of when he was a kid, the worst part was he was still that scared little boy.


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Michael stared at his reflection in the mirror, his thoughts were worse today than anything, everything was hurting. He just wanted to be good for someone, why couldn't he be good enough.


"How could anyone ever want me." Michael sighed as his fingernail digs into his skin, making red angry lines appear on his beautiful pale skin. "I don't even like my body."


He was feeling hopeless, hopeless in everything-mostly life. Why couldn't he be ok, why couldn't he be happy, why couldn't he have normal thoughts like everyone else. He's tried everything. He's tried not thinking but he can't, it doesn't work, it just comes back at him stronger than ever.


Michael has never had a stronger feeling, it was horrible. The overwhelming feeling of 'not being yourself', it was hard. Michael couldn't help but feel this way, how could anyone want him when he doesn't like what he sees.


Why couldn't he be ok? Michael's so sick and tired of feeling hopeless and sad all the time.


He's feeling so alone. He so fucking lonely even with a room filled with people, he still has that numb and empty feeling.


Michael could feel his anger bubbling as he clenched his fists. Michael's nostrils were flaring as he stared at his reflection. Michael threw his fits at the glass mirror and watched as it shattered when his first came into contact with it. The burning pain was unbearable as he slid down on the glass and just cried.


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Ashton had left after his shower and headed to Michael's place that he shared with Frank and Gerard. He couldn't handle the pain of not seeing Michael so he had to see him.


Ashton knocked on the door with his knuckles and waited. He could hear the sound of someone shuffling around on the other side.


He heard the lock unlocking, the door creaked open and reviled a sad broken looking boy that was Michael.


"Michael," He breathed.


Michael didn't say anything as he stared at Ashton, he was too numb to react the way he would have done. "Can I help you?"


"Michael," Ashton cleared his throat. "I just wanted to say that I'm so fucking sorry, for everything, and I just wanted to let you know that I do love you and I'm so sorry for everything i-i-i I'm just lost at the moment and I'm trying to get help but i l-love you."


Ashton had cried in the middle of his speech and Michael couldn't help it as he let more tears flow down his face.


"Please go on a date with me and Calum? Just us three." Ashton said as Michael opened the door wider as he stood there his knuckle bruised and bloody as tears ran down his blotchy face.


"Yes." Michael whispered as he ran and hugged him.


He knew he couldn't love Ashton but he couldn't help it, it's Ashton Irwin; and he loves him with his whole heart. "I l-love you t-too." Michael stuttered. He couldn't help but tell him he didn't care if this was a sick trick, he needed to take away the pain and right now if feeling just a tiny bit of love from Ashton then so be it he doesn't care at this moment if in the morning this was just a dream or Ashton was playing with him, he just didn't care, he wanted this, he needed this, he didn't want to be alone and right now he isn't his chest was tingly as he held onto Ashton they just hugged. It felt so magical, Michael felt so loved.


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Hope you guys liked this chapter!!

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