12 Days of Phan // Oneshots

Nine Ladies Dancing

In which Dan is uploading Daniel and Depression to youtube and feeling anxious about it.

Content Warnings: depression, mention of self harm scars

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Dan's POV

My fingers hovered over the button.

I wasn't sure.

I was so close to clicking the upload button.

"Phil, I'm having second thoughts again."

He made him way over to me and sat beside me.

He'd helped me to make the video about my experiences with depression. If it wasn't for his encouragement, I wouldn't have gotten past the filming.

He was so supportive of me, and I was so thankful for him.

"You can do this." He told me firmly. "It's going to be amazing. You've made it so good. You just need to take the leap of faith."

He was right.

Just.

Press.

The button.

I did it.

As soon as I clicked it, I shut the laptop screen with a resounding slam.

Not looking.

My leg was shaking as I bit my nails. My anxiety was started to kick in.

I could imagine all the hate comments flooding in.

How I was using mental health disorders for views.

How I was lying.

How I was weak for displaying my imperfections to the world.

It made me sad to think I could never truly be open with my audience.

Looking down at my arms at the rows of white scars, I knew the backlash I'd get if I showed my real imperfections.

People couldn't see I was better now - that the cracks had healed.

All they saw was the anger, self hatred, and despair that remained on my skin.

Phil noticed me staring at my arm, and placed a gentle hand over it.

"No one expects you to be perfect."

But they do.

I decided it was time to bite the bullet and opened my laptop, revealing the onslaught of comments to me.

But they were... positive?

Overwhelming positive.

As I read through thousands of heartfelt messages, encouragement, and personal stories, I felt my eyes begin to water with compassion.

I felt Phil place an arm around my shoulder, and I smiled, leaning in him.

I wasn't alone.