Peter Parker Imagines

Fight [Female!Reader] 1st POV

**/**/**** 3:17 a.m

I saw you today.

I hope you know you looked as wonderful as always. I just wish you had your usual sparkle. Your eyes are a bit duller than I remember, and you didn't smile like you usually do. I guess you didn't see me, and maybe that's for the best. I need to leave you alone. I need to let you go, but it's so hard. Don't you know that? I can't just let go even though I know I should. It'd be better for you and for me. Still- I can't find it in me to just go. I have to know you're alright. I have to see that sparkle and that smile, even if it's not directed at me.

God.. it's going to kill me when I see it's not directed at me. It's selfish of me to think that but.. all I ever wanted was you.

Never anyone else.

I'm sorry.

**/**/**** 12:34 p.m

You wore my favorite dress today. The one I bought for you to wear on that special date. The one where I promised to never leave you. You looked like you were suffocating in it. I'm sorry I made such a beautiful thing so painful for you. You really did look stunning and you took my breath away like always. Again, you didn't see me. I know it's for the better, but it still sucks. I'm selfish. I really am. I want you to see me, and I want you to smile at me. I want you to run at me and wrap your arms around me. I miss you so much. I miss smelling your sweet perfume and seeing you waking up next to me. I don't know if I ever told you, but I have always loved your bedhead. You always said you looked like a monster in the morning, but I could never see that. I just saw the most beautiful girl in the world. I always felt so lucky.

I guess our luck ran out? I wish it hadn't. There's so much I wanted to tell you. I still want to tell you so many things. I hope I get the chance to one day.

It kills me to see those tears in your eyes.

It kills me even more that you had to put the dress up. You won't throw it out, but you should. You'll come back to it again and you'll cry.

I hate that I did this to you.

I still love you more than anything.

**/**/**** 6:48 p.m

I heard you didn't get out of bed much the past week or two. You're falling back into old habits, you know you can't do that. Everyone's so worried. I'm worried. You're starting to look sickly again. You can't fall down that rabbit hole again, not when you worked so hard to pull yourself out. I hate watching you suffer, especially when I'm the cause. Baby, you have to get up. I want you to get up. If anything, get up and find me. I'll let you see me this time, even though I know it'll probably do more harm than good. You'll want to stay with me, and I can't let you do that. It's not good for me or for you but.. fuck, I want it. I want it so bad you have no idea. That's wrong of me, though, isn't it? It would be horrible of me to tell you to your face wouldn't it?

I really want to see you. I want you to come see me, but I fucking can't let you, can I?

I miss you.

**/**/**** 2:00 a.m

It's 2 a.m on the dot. I'm still talking to you, well, more accurately, I'm talking to no one. Just myself and the stars. They remind me of our first date. We were so lost in each other that we lost track of time. We were far from the city too, so on our way back, we got to see stars. I think we saw a shooting one. I'm sure I wished for nothing but to have you. You all to myself. You in your purest form. I like to think my wish was granted. Especially on that other night that we saw stars. Only, they were in your small room. I still think about that night too. It keeps me going on slow nights.