Like Cats and Dogs

Chapter 19

"Cas..."

"Don't," he says, his voice cracking.

"Please talk to me, kitten," Dean says gently, protectiveness oozing out of his pores. Only he's the one hurting his mate. He sits up and leans closer, but is careful to keep his hands at his sides. He doesn't think Cas needs him to be touching him right now; or, at least, touching him more. Dean can't really help that they're already knotted.

"Do you think this is easy for me?" he says, finally dropping his hands and looking up at Dean. He notices for the first time how tired Cas' blue eyes look.

"I—"

"To just sit around here and wait? While you run around with pretty little betas?"

"That's not what I was doing, and you know that," Dean breathes. He's pretty sure this isn't about Bela specifically, or any of the other girls specifically.

"Isn't it, though?" Cas says, his voice breaking. "Are they that preferable to me, because they are wolves?"

"What?" Dean says, shock wracking his body. No way Cas thinks there is anyone that Dean wants more than him. Dean tries to wrap his arms around Cas' waist, but Cas pushes his hands away. "Cas, I don't want them. I never wanted them. You are everything to me. You are—"

"Then why don't you want me?"

His voice is soft, softer than Dean has ever heard. He sounds goddamn breakable. And Dean made him sound like that.

"Wh-what?" Dean stutters, his voice hoarse and unsure.

"Every instinct in my body is screaming," Cas says, his voice slightly stronger. "Take me alpha, mate me alpha, make me yours alpha," his tone is mocking, too high-pitched, and Dean can hear how much he hates saying it out loud."I can't control it, and I can feel it reaching out for you. I know I told you the bond wasn't important to me, but...how can you say no to this?"

Cas' blue eyes meet his own, and Dean's heart crumbles into pieces. Cas is so strong and tough and unafraid, it's easy to forget how much power Dean really has over him. He knows, because Cas has the same power over Dean. Dean reaches up and cups Cas' cheeks, touches their foreheads together. Cas doesn't pull away, and for that he's grateful.

"Because we aren't mated yet, you think I don't want you? You think I'd pick somebody else over you?"

"Perhaps," Cas says softly, touching the corner of Dean's jaw with careful fingers.

Dean closes his eyes, valiantly trying to get control of himself. His wolf is angry, and it's all directed inward. He did this. He caused all of this, this entire fight.

"You are it for me, Cas."

Cas blinks at him, his eyes red rimmed and wet and so goddamn heavy.

"I want you more than anything, but I want you to be safe. And right now, if I went home mated, I can't—I can't protect you. I don't know that I could protect you. From what might happen. And I can't—"

He manages to maintain his calm a lot better than he did when he said the same thing to Jo, but he can hear the panic rising in his voice with every stuttered word. He's pretty sure it's only because he has practically full body contact with his mate that he's able to speak at all, and even so he can feel his wolf getting riled up.

"Your father wouldn't hurt me," Cas says, sounding so sure. But Dean doesn't believe it. He honestly doesn't know what his dad would do right now. Hurting Cas for the sake of the Pack in an effort to break their bond or to keep Dean away from him doesn't seem too far out of the realm of possibility.