Faina Holly-Shit!

FHS-Five

                                 •CARL•
       Am I stupid? Probably not. Am I a jerk?

Probably yes. I've been blaming myself since last night. Seeing Faina cry... broke my heart. I only thought of what I did to her during our dating times and I've been cold and such a pain in her life. I will feel better if I blame Dixie for really siding with James to break off my relationship with Faina but I still feel like shit.

For the first time in a long time, I boldly said the words 'I'm such a fool' to myself and it felt great. Maybe if I had blamed myself a tiny bit for what happened, we would still be together.

    And I do hope she understands how I felt that time too when I saw her naked and wasted with this James guy. I was surprised at myself for standing tall and waiting for her to get dressed up when that fool sat on the bed looking at me. Where did my killer punches go? I swear to God, I would've killed someone if my punch flew in the air.

    I was hurt.

My whole body ached. My heart beat was aching. Talking to her ached. Looking at her ached. I ached. A fool is always a fool and I'm still the fool for making her cry last night. Reminding her of the stupid things I did to her when she still stuck to me.

    Oh Carl, fix that attitude, will you?

I will try. I have to try if I want her back that bad.

     I stood up from the sofa in the room and walked to the door. Sam must be gone for work. I have to apologize to her if only she lets me. I feel so sorry.

I opened the door and stood on the stairs. I smelled omelette all the way across the hall. I stepped down and walked briskly to the kitchen.

That was a hardened ass. I mean Sam rather. Where was my Faina? I wanted to see her. I wanted her to see my sorry face. Sam turned to pick up plates on the kitchen counter and he saw me staring at him.

     "Hey," he smiled. "How was your night?" he asked as he plated the omelette.

     "Cool. Where is Faina?"

     "Still in bed." he said and put the plate on the dining table. "She is a little down today so I'll be taking care of her home."

     "Is it serious?" Hope he didn't read the worry and sorry on my face.

     "She'll be okay. She turns out like that once in a while and gets back to herself when you let her be." he smiled. He gets how she can be too.

This problem was my problem. I caused it and I had to fix it somehow.

     Sam and I had our breakfast at the hall after he served Faina on a serving tray. "So it surprises me a little that I've not seen any girls coming over since you got here," Sam laughed and I smiled. "Have you changed?"

     "I thought I did," I picked an avocado Sam sliced on a plate with a fork and stuck it in my mouth. "I guess I can never really change." I sighed and munched on the avocado.

      "You've still not been able to stick to one girl?"

      "I tried. I messed up a few times with her."
      "How many times?"

I looked at him and looked back at the avocado. Was I that bad of a guy? If I'm to count the ones Faina know about and the ones I did secretly...

A sigh was heard from me as I was still trying to count my fingers. Sam laughed and tapped my shoulders. "Carl, I think you need to see a therapist." He wasn't kidding about that. "Should I recommend one for you?"