ISAAC's OC REVIEWs

Damitri J. Jackson [F]

Weaknesses: School. (He doesn't like doing homework or schoolwork.)

[You've goofed here. He's 19 and you said he's graduated school in his backstory. So yeh, a school shouldn't be his weaknesses, and if anything, it'll be a dislike, but he ain't in school anymore so it shouldn't be there anyway. I want the weaknesses to link back to his personality. You said he's bossy that's one that you could expand into a weakness, same with intimidating.]

Powers: None.

[Fair enough]

Fears: Losing his family and friends.

[Give me something that links more specifically to him, the 'losing his family and friends' is generic. I feel like I don't know him enough to give you any suggestions on possible fears.]

Relationships: He is dating a girl named Lucy, which he does not like very much anymore as she bullies everyone but him.

[So, leave her? Why hasn't he left her? Is he not bossy with her? How did they get together? How long have they been together? The 'bullies everyone but him' is dull, it's very fitted to them being in a school situation which is the problem because you said he graduated.]

He has a crush on his one friend, Xavier.

[At the moment Lucy and Xavier don't feel like people, they feel like empty husks at are only there to prove that Damitri is bisexual. Neither have a 'real' relationship, I have no idea how Damitri would interact with them. You need to write about how Damitri interacts with each person, as well as about a sentence just overviewing each person's personality so I can get a hold on how they would interact.

Why does he have a crush on Xavier? What interests him about him? {guessing Xavier is a lad, I know Xavier is primarily a boy's name, but you never know might be a girl called Xavier.} Is Damitri awkward around Xavier because of his crush? Fair enough saying he's dating and has a crush but give me how they interact.]

Him and his family, (Parents and sister,) get along well but still have conflicts. They aren't perfect in any means.

[Needs expanding, give them names and each person in his family a separate relationship, don't just group them up into one.]

He has a ton of friends but wouldn't consider himself popular.

[How did he gain all these friends? Are they all friends from his school, from his workplace, strangers he met on the street, people how he met at concerts? Why doesn't be considered himself popular? Are only certain types of people his friend? For example, outgoing people, or people who enjoy metal music.]

Backstory: He lived in North Carolina from 0-8 years old but moved to Florida.

[Why did they move?]

He had no friends before he moved and even after he did, he didn't meet his friend, Ian, until 7th grade.

[Why didn't he have any friends? Why wasn't his friend Ian mentioned under relationships, he seemed to be Damitri's first friend, why didn't he get mentioned.]

Eventually, from there, he continued to become friends with people up until 11th grade.

[How?]

During school, he formed a metal band called Kill, Sing in 11th grade.

[I'd put that as 'Kill, Sing' with the little high commas around the name, just to confirm what the band's name is, I'm not sure if it's 'Kill, Sing' or 'Kill, Sing in 11th grade.' The latter gives me a wee' Panic! Vibe. Does his band do covers, their own songs? What position in the band is Damitri?]