The Boy Who Peeked Through My Fence - Tom Holland Fanfic

Part 28- The Journals

I went inside and got ready for bed, well more like got ready to talk to Tom. When I was finished getting ready I went outside and went to our spot. Tom was already sitting there, waiting for me. I smiled and we began to talk per usual. The night went on and after we talked I went inside and crawled into my bed. Every night, when I would go to sleep I had no trouble going to sleep. I was content and had no reason to stay up wondering. That stopped when I broke up with Tom. I struggle so much trying to go to sleep now, I hardly get a full four hours of sleep in. I miss Tom and his ability to make me calmer and content enough that I don't even worry about falling asleep at night. But I do, all because I ended things. All because I thought I couldn't do it anymore. Looking back, I so could have done it.
All the problems I have now are so much greater than the one problem I had that ended it all with Tom. I regret it everyday. I loved him with my whole heart but my mind got the best of me. Stupid minds and their stupid ability to make one overthink everything.

Some weeks went by and I still journaled everyday, making sure I didn't leave out s single detail for Tom. When I finished my first journal I knew I wanted to wait to give it to him, for something big. Maybe our five year or maybe sooner, I wasn't even sure. But I still journaled everyday and kept them back for Tom to read one day. I hoped that it would help him remember everything, I also hoped that it would show him the emotions I was feeling during that time. The journals were my out, when I felt like I couldn't talk to Tom about something, which wasn't very often, I would write it in my journal. They held pretty much everything in my head. If I were to disappear or die, opening those journals would be like opening my brain for the world to see. There was so much detail, down to how Toms hair was that day or every little thing I noticed about him. Sometimes I thought it would be kind of embarrassing for someone else to read these due to the amount of detail they had. They would probably think I'm a stalker or something.

But I didn't care, at least not now, he hasn't even read them so what more can I do about that. The premiere for "How I Live Now" was today and Tom asked me to go with him, this time he asked me to go as his girlfriend going as his girlfriend. The last premiere I went to I was his girlfriend going as a friend. I was so excited to be actually talked about like I meant something more to Tom than just a friend. I got this light pastel pink dress that was flowy and soft looking. It looked like a cloud in a sunset. Tom got a tux to wear and man oh man, he looked good in a tux. I curled my hair and had it down, my makeup was light but had gold touches to match my gold shoes. Tom called me as I was putting on my necklace. "You ready to go" he asked. "Yea I'll be down in 2 seconds" I told him grabbing my clutch and heading down stairs. As I walked down the stairs I see Tom standing at the bottom holding a bouquet of flowers. He was looking down at the flowers, then he looked up and saw me. His eyes got wide and his face was red. "Wow" he whispered but I could read his lips.