Star Crossed

Chapter Ninety One- A Lioness is not submissive

  "Remember this Grisha, I am protecting you. And I shall continue to protect you but you must detach yourself. Do not rely upon others for they will never be able to give you what you deserve."   

It had been just over a week since I and Tom had spoken... I would be lying if I said that he was avoiding me as he usually did... he wasn't... but yet at the same time something was different. We were different. It was as if he had decided that day that he would completely shield himself away from me. Those unreadable blue eyes had only grown colder... like the dead glass eyes of my childhood dolls, no beating heart, no soul beneath. 
Exams had no begun and so I had very little chance to spend time with any of my friends, the Heirs included. Most of our time was spent either sitting the exams or hiding away in our dormitories studying. For once I liked the solitude... it was as if I could pause everything that had been happening for the last few years... as if this was a safe time... a time to just be... 
I did not feel stressed by the exams... granted mine were not my OWL's nor worse my NEWTS just yet but still... I strangely felt little attachment to them. 
Gavina had sent me multiple letters more letters than I had ever received from home before, all of which reminding me about the importance of my examinations and not to let her and the family down. I merely scoffed continuing to stuff the letters into the bin without gracing her with a response, there were far worse ways to besmirch the family name... Gavina should know. 

"Grisha." I rolled my eyes choosing to ignore the familiar voice as I squeezed my way through the crowd of students leaving the potions classroom after a particular intense practical examination. I wanted nothing more than to know retreat to the Gryffindor common room and take what I thought was a very well deserved nap, I certainly did not want to speak to that pompous rat. 
"Grisha," he hissed my name again this time with more urgency, I could hear that he was only a few feet behind me and would soon catch up to me regardless with a sigh I stopped and turned around to face him. 
"What do you want Malfoy?" I breathed in exasperation before the conversation had even begun. 
I was expecting a sarcastic response, a glare at the very least but nothing. Malfoy's face for once was lacking its usual pose in fact fear was easily detectable in his grey eyes and tensed jaw. 
"What is it?" I asked allowing my curiosity to get the better of me. Malfoy didn't reply but instead looked around us as if checking for something... or someone before he took hold of my arm and steered me off towards an empty corridor. 
"I..." he began, his hands began to shake as he weaved them together nervously, I had never seen him like this. 
"I... I need to know... what you know..." he whispered still looking around us in paranoia. 
I furrowed my brow, "You're going to have to stop speaking in Riddle's Malfoy." 
He bit his lip in frustration as he looked up at the ceiling. 
"I can't... I... you know." he breathed desperately.
"No... no I don't think I do know." I replied... though it was true that I did not know what Malfoy was referring to I had an incline who he was talking about at least. 
"Why don't we start with this.... who do I know about?" I prompted but this only made Malfoy more agitated as he began to shake his head. 
"I can't... you know I can't!" He spat. 
"Look Malfoy! Unless you want me to enter your mind myself you're going to have to tell me." I spat back starting to lose my patience. Malfoy dropped his head. 
"I thought you... but maybe... maybe you're not... maybe he doesn't..." he began to stutter.
"Thought I was what? Maybe I'm not what? Who doesn't?" I demanded my heart started to beat faster in my chest. 
"It... it doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said anything. Merlin he is going to kill me..." Malfoy groaned as he began to back away from me a feared look on his face. 
"Who is Malfoy?" I demanded quickly walking towards him and trying to close the gap between us as fast as he was trying to make one. 
"Nothing... look if he... if you're not involved in this then... then keep yourself out of it." Malfoy instructed.
"Keep myself out of what? why?" I gaped.
"This isn't a game Grisha I'm serious... I made a mistake." Malfoy whispered.
"Yes... yes you did." I breathed... as I accepted my original thoughts... I knew exactly who Malfoy was talking about and I would be a fool to deny it. Maybe once I would have but now... no. 
If Malfoy thought Riddle would have involved me in something... then why didn't he? and what was it exactly? 
"No please! You can't say anything!" Malfoy gasped panic across his face. 
I rose an eyebrow at him with a small smirk in a way which I am ashamed to admit mirrored Riddle's own mannerisms. 
"Look... please." Malfoy begged, I looked into his grey eyes there was true fear there... if I did say something to Riddle... would Malfoy really be at risk? Would Riddle really hurt him? All I knew was there was a reason for Malfoy's fear and I did not want to be the reason that anything happened to him regardless of whether or not I disliked the fool... 
"I'll make you a deal." I whispered uncharastically. Malfoy pursed his lips, his whole body still shivering he nodded. 
"Tell me what he would do to you?" I breathed. 
Malfoy shook his head. "I can't. You don't understand!" he groaned. "He would be angry." he muttered under his breath before he focused his eyes onto mine and then I understood. Memories of Tom's anger flashed before me, that red gleam in his blue eyes, that stern cold expression... that rush of power... I had been on the receiving end of it myself... I subconsciously rose a hand towards my neck... and I had only witnessed the surface...
"Ok." I replied finely after a few tense moments of silence. "Go." I breathed. 
Malfoy took one more fleeting glance at me before he turned and almost ran down the corridor and out of sight... my own hands were shaking as I stood in the dark corridor alone... what was happening? Riddle? Malfoy? The rest of the Slytherins? What was it they was up to? Clearly Malfoy was afraid... he thought I was involved but involved in what? I couldn't confront Riddle... not now... it would put Malfoy and the others at risk... 
I let my back hit the cold stone wall before I slid down to the floor... all of my energy ebbing away from me.
Tom... I closed my eyes. What was he doing? Why? What could I do?... I was losing him... I couldn't lose anyone else... I needed him... I... wanted him back... 
But I was afraid that I had already lost him... whatever he was doing, wherever he was going... he was trying to push me away... push us away... me, Wiglaf, Lazarus... what was happening to us. 
I ran my fingers through my hair as scene after scene replayed in my mind... 

 "Sometimes McLaggen, you need to accept when you have lost."  

  "Happy Birthday,"   ... "I... thank you," 

  "I thought you might have died, you know not hearing from you all holiday,"... "You're not that lucky Laz,"  

 "She died. A disgrace to all wizard kind, my mother. She needn't have died like a filthy muggle and yet she chose to, so weak."  
  "Regrettably one cannot choose their family McLaggen,"  
  "Then I suppose we are destined to be either an incredible or dangerous combination,"  

I needed to save him. I need to save us. Tom has been led to believe that everyone gives up on him eventually, that he scare everyone away.. but I won't give up on him and he can not scare me away. I will protect him... protect him from himself.